I Can't Believe it's not Wiener!

Oh, hello hello, everyone. I haven't blogged for a while because I've been sitting on my butt staring at the computer, but I didn't want to invest the time it takes to write a post. So, here we go-- I hope I won't have to leave in the middle of writing this.

Anthony Wiener, the congressman accused of tweeting his namesake, is still under fire for... hmm... Twienering? Wieneeting? There's no good pun for that, is there?

The sad thing is, I used to be a big fan of Wiener. That didn't sound right. He used to stand up to the Republicans using colorful graphs and language. It's a shame. He's also a good friend of Jon Stewart, who somehow managed to slice his wrist open while doing a bit on his congressman friend. Click HERE to watch the clip.

Let's get off this somewhat disgusting topic and start talking about something much more exciting-- my trip to Europe! On Tuesday, I'm leaving for the mystical land of ridiculous hats and rich figureheads. Now, instead of blogging from Europe (which would be incredibly easy to do), I've decided to be a bit of a turd about this and take the next two weeks off. When I get back, I will publish my exploits to the 'internets'.

See, I'll be keeping an obnoxious travel journal while I'm in England and France, which will not necessarily reflect the actual events that happen while I'm there. For those of you who want the actual account, just use your imaginations.

I know I will.

Bye!

P.S.-- this is my 100th post in 2011!

Four Days

Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four days. Four freakin' days until seventh grade is over. I can't wait, as you probably guessed from this post's lead-up. I went all-out today. I stacked three tables on top of each other in the gym. I hung a janitor's broom from the basketball hoops. And I shoved Luis's water bottle behind the poster that says WHITE HILL after I climbed up the wall. I'm pretty parkour.

But even a momentous event such as the last day of school doesn't block out a story like this: A guy named Wiener's wiener. I'm talking, of course, about Anthony Wiener, the Democrat congressman who sent a picture of his badonkadonk to some teenage girl via Twitter. Whoopsies. He denied it up until today, when he finally broke down and admitted his account was not hacked, and he did take a pic of his schlong. Now, I'm not putting this picture on my blog, because to do that, I would have to Google image the phrase 'Wiener's wiener'. And I don't think anyone would like the results of that one.

This story is comic gold. It's a guy named Wiener (which is funny enough on its own) who took a picture... OF HIS WIENER!!! I can't stress enough how much self-control it's taking not to rampage on and on and on and on and on with an endless barrage of jokes and puns. But after the 'King Tut's Penis' series, I'll stay off that general topic.

Sarah Palin is a moron. Wait, that bears repeating-- Sarah Palin is a moron. She's not sure if she's going to run in 2012, so she decided to go on a cross-country bus tour in this ridiculous thing:

That scares the s*** out of me. It is, literally, a Magical Mystery Tour Bus. LOOK AT IT! It's ridiculous. Apparently, this is 'not a campaign bus', but we all know that's bs. The point of it is, supposedly, to focus on the history of America. That's why she said Paul Revere was riding to warn the British.

Look, I can't talk about this. Literally, I can't talk, I have a cold. But if I continue to type on this subject, the bile in my bloodstream might catch fire.

I'm very adamant about this.

Sayonara, capybara!