Four Days

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But even a momentous event such as the last day of school doesn't block out a story like this: A guy named Wiener's wiener. I'm talking, of course, about Anthony Wiener, the Democrat congressman who sent a picture of his badonkadonk to some teenage girl via Twitter. Whoopsies. He denied it up until today, when he finally broke down and admitted his account was not hacked, and he did take a pic of his schlong. Now, I'm not putting this picture on my blog, because to do that, I would have to Google image the phrase 'Wiener's wiener'. And I don't think anyone would like the results of that one.

This story is comic gold. It's a guy named Wiener (which is funny enough on its own) who took a picture... OF HIS WIENER!!! I can't stress enough how much self-control it's taking not to rampage on and on and on and on and on with an endless barrage of jokes and puns. But after the 'King Tut's Penis' series, I'll stay off that general topic.

Sarah Palin is a moron. Wait, that bears repeating-- Sarah Palin is a moron. She's not sure if she's going to run in 2012, so she decided to go on a cross-country bus tour in this ridiculous thing:

That scares the s*** out of me. It is, literally, a Magical Mystery Tour Bus. LOOK AT IT! It's ridiculous. Apparently, this is 'not a campaign bus', but we all know that's bs. The point of it is, supposedly, to focus on the history of America. That's why she said Paul Revere was riding to warn the British.

Look, I can't talk about this. Literally, I can't talk, I have a cold. But if I continue to type on this subject, the bile in my bloodstream might catch fire.

I'm very adamant about this.

Sayonara, capybara!

Sarah Plain and Todd

Yo, peoples!!! I have an interesting blog today: The idiocy of Sarah Palin. My good friend Elephant Man shall illustrate:

Here's another: "My favorite country to visit is Paris".

And now, we're thinking of electing this person as PRESIDENT? Sure, she's had four years to study, but the presidency isn't the SATs! What if she writes notes on her hands, but washes them off? Great! Now we've lost the code to launch the nuclear missiles!!!

People as stupid as this really should be locked up. Here's another metaphor: Remember back in the day, when Seinfeld was still on air? In one episode, George wants to convert to Latvian Orthodox for his girlfriend, but to do so, he has to take a test on the religion. He writes notes on his hands, and the members of the church think he's a genius. But when the high priest archpopebishop guy says "George, you're obviously full of love for our religion", George says "Oh, I'm full of it, father" and raises the hand with all the notes on it. Back then, we laughed at his complete incompetence. But now, that's perfectly acceptable, because 25% of Americans think Sarah's actually eligible for president.

But that leads to an even scarier conclusion: Democrats and Republicans are about 50-50 in this country, right? But that means that only HALF of the Republicans like Sarah Palin!

This means... and I say this with EXTREME terror... that there may actually be some smart Republicans.

OH MY GOD.

Bye!

The Flaking of Palin 123

Wheee! I just had a great sleepover at my house with one of my friends! We made prank phone calls (Hello? Subaru dealership? My Subaru doesn't love me!!!), watched The Taking of Pelham 123, and had a Seinfeld marathon. Yayyy! Oh, and I stole the title of this blog from MAD Magazine. I couldn't help it.

I've been playing a lot of chess recently. I may be what people call a chessnut. Har har har. Anyway, I just beat my mom twice and my dad once. What fun. I'm reeeally good at this game.

Here's a little tidbit of info you might like: call the following telephone number. I'm not gonna tell you whose it is:

*67-1-202-456-1414

Tell me who answers, it's gonna be good.

Bye!

The Washington Tea Party

HIBACHI SHMUFF!!!! Hello, people who are wasting their time reading someone else's blog!!! Well, it must be Christmastime, because the presents are just pilin' up under the tree. I mean, the house plant. Okay, the greenish couch. FINE! The greenish footstool.

My ANNUAL CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN indicates that we have only four days until I open my first present on CHRISTMAS EVE, and only five days until CHRISTMAS!!!!! You have no idea what a pain it is to color all those letters.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: What you see is what you get---- so why is it that when I went to the store, the guy stopped me from taking all the Star Wars figures?

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is GLOBAL WARMING! Cue ominous music. Everyone, I know I've used this before as a TOPIC OF INTEREST. But so much was left unsaid! Which is why I'm introducing the IT'S THAT TOPIC OF INTEREST AGAIN feature. Any time that I feel more needs to be said, I'll just add it on in this. Unless, of course, I need to say even MORE, in which case I'll use a I'M USING THAT TOPIC OF INTEREST AGAIN AND YOU CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT, SUCKER!

Anyway, my point is that: I am only 12 years old, and I've already listened to both sides of the opinion and divined that one is wrong. Hint: It's the one Glenn Beck likes. Anyway, I don't see how long it takes for a couple world leader shmuffs to sign a piece of paper that says 'I'll help save the planet no matter what that idiot Sarah Palin says'. But it seems that I'm a genius, because not only do other kids not voice their political opinions (they just say, 'Uhhh.... doy. That can't affect me. Huh huh huh.'), but not a single climate change meeting seems to be doing anything to help the environment! Which is why I think we need to make GLOBAL WARMING BOOKS FOR KIDS.... and it's the subject of today's MASTER PLAN.

Just pretend I have a cool graphic of me in a detective outfit for that one, okay? Anyway, first off, we make global warming something little kids will care about, such as 'An Inconvenient Truffula', the sequel to 'The Lorax'. In this, Al Gore pops out of the stump that the Lorax once lived in, and whacks the Once-ler (played by George Bush) over the head. Anyway; then we will have a massive amount of kids who understand what global warming is, how it was caused, and how we can stop it. That's my MASTER PLAN.

And yet, we have not done this, even though everything is going the liberal way. We have another congressional majority (that we never use), the conservative 'future' is a whackjob with an insatiable thirst for slaughtering moose, we have a massive amount of support, seeing as our predecessor was a moron who screwed up the environment beyond belief. And we have

the first black president who has major international support. So why, why, why, why, WHY have we not done something? Why?

Aaaaaaaahhhh, yes, the tea party protesters. It's amazing how much of an impact a bunch of... rabidly conservative mentally unstable idiots can have.

I'll blog you soon.

Going Vogue

RORSCHACH IS AWESOME!!!!

Rorschach is a #$%^ god! He's the leading character in Watchmen®, the greatest graphic novel ever, beaten only by Bone. Go out and buy this book! It's inappropriate for all ages! There's blood! Guts! Gore! Swearing! Some random guy gets shot with a grappling gun! And it can all be yours for only $39.95 at your local Barnes & Noble!

Ahhhhh, Watchmen®, how I love you.

Everyone, I was as amazed as you when Sarah Palin's book hit the shelves. It's incredible. I mean, shouldn't you at least read ONE book before you write one? Especially one titled 'Going Rogue: An autobiography of the dumbest f***ing jackhole on the face of the Earth'. Sorry, that last part was my addition.

It seems many Republicans have been coming out with books, such as Glenn Beck's 'Arguing With Idiots, and why I bother to argue with myself'. Again, I added something there. Want to guess what?

Also, I noticed a remarkable similarity between 'Going Rogue' and another famous Palin exploit, codenamed 'Going Vogue'. Do we still have a picture of that left over from one of my July blogs, 'Half-Baked Alaska'?

Nooooo! No, I must not look, or the image of this unspeakable evil shall be forever burned into my photographic memory!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

For some more anti-Palin/Beck/Limbaugh stuff, visit my page at Funny Times.com! Click HERE to see all the cartoons that I have ever done (on FT). Bye!!!

Bushie

Okay, cartoon lovers! I believe there was some confusion as to how to access my cartoons on the Funny Times website. So click the following link (the one that says Bushie) to see my latest cartoon.

Bushie

To see all of my cartoons, click this link and then, once you get there, click 'all by this author' underneath the first panel.

Today's Pearl of anti-wisdom: The sky's the limit--- unless you're Neil Armstrong.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST : The Funny Times website people. A week ago, I put my cartoon creating on strike until they created a Sarah Palin character. A week later, I discovered, much to my elation, that they had done so.

I think I love that website.

Bye!

The Demmies!!!

Hi, everyone! I got pretty worked up over Republicans the other day, so today will be kinda mellow. Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is.... THE DEMMIES!!!!!!!!!

I am announcing the awards for the Demmies (short for Democrat Emmies) today; meaning we will soon find out whether Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh wins the Obnoxious Blowhard of the Year award. If Limbaugh wins, it'll be his sixth straight year of winning this particular award. He is also eligible for the Annoying in-your-face Conservative Talk Show Host of the Year award, the Cranky Old Republican Geezer of the Year award (you can see why they're called the Demmies), and the Outspoken Crabby Wrinkled Right-Wing Old Fart of the Year award. The last two, however, will doubtless be won by John McCain.

Meanwhile, Stephan Colbert is eligible for the Best Double-Agent Republican-Democrat TV Show Host of the Year award and the Most Hair Shaved off on Live TV award (don't get this? Watch Colbert's Iraqi Operation on YouTube). Jon Stewart is eligible for the NEW Most Trusted Democrat Newscaster award, the Best Crack at Cracking Jim Cramer award, and the Weirdest Correspondent Jumble (thank you, Jon Oliver) award.

SO! Here it is! The moment of truth! In the political hemisphere, the Most Immediate Change Gone Through in 24 Hours award goes to President Obama!!! (Just imagine he's coming up to the podium, saying something, leaving, and giving the award to his CIA buddies to test for concealed explosives). The Happiest Goodbye Ever award goes to (former, thank God) President Bush!!! The Cranky Old Republican Geezer of the year award and the Outspoken Crabby Wrinkled Right-Wing Old Fart of the year awards go to John McCain!!! (Duh) Meanwhile, the Annoying in-your-face Conservative talk show host of the year award goes to..... Glenn Beck!!! But Rush Limbaugh once again claims the Obnoxious Blowhard of the Year award. Great. Moving on...

Stephan Colbert wins the Best Double-Agent Republican-Democrat TV Show Host of the Year award and the Most Hair Shaved off on Live TV award while Jon Stewart claims the NEW Most Trusted Democrat Newscaster award, the Best Crack at Cracking Jim Cramer award, and the Weirdest Correspondent Jumble award.

In theaters, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen wins Most Realistic Alien Robot Clash, Star Trek wins Best Re-producing of 1960's Idea, and G-Force wins Worst Blog Rip-off.

In Sports, Barry Bonds wins the Best Special Effects and Best Special DE- fects awards while AT&T park (home of the Giants) wins Best Ballpark Nachos.

And the moment you've been waiting for... THE RANDOM AWARDS!!!

In Argentina, Mark Sanford wins Longest Transcontinental Hike in one Weekend, in which he hiked from Top Rocker... to Rock Bottom. Sarah Palin wins the Stupidest Political Strategy award, Rod Blagojevich wins Best Elvis Impersonation By Deposed Governor, Dick Cheney and Joe Biden are STILL in a tie for Most Annoying VP, and China wins Biggest Feet. (What? Oh, right).

That's the Demmies!!! I'll see you soon.

Half-Baked Alaska

Hi, people! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Sarah Palin (is evil). In fact, I think her last name should be officially changed to 'is evil'. So that way, someone would say 'Hi, Sarah is Evil!!'

The only reason McCain picked Palin as his running mate was to have that 'History Making' edge to his campaign. However, he would have done better with Imelda Marcos (who, if you don't know, is dead), because SHE is (or was) not Miss Half-Baked Alaska.

Palin has become totally addicted to the media spotlight that the McCain Campaign put her in, and just to get back in it, she quit being governor of Alaska, saying 'It would be REALLY

quitting if I STAYED as governor'.

Now. I can KIND OF see her reasoning. I mean, who WANTS to be governor of Alaska???

Certainly not the guy who's taking over, who said he is 'reluctantly accepting the post as governor of Alaska'. For a full list of Palin scandals, go to my blog-- Random Junk--- Cool!!! on July 27, 2009.

But the thing is is that----------- NOTHING THE G.O.P. IS DOING NOW MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sarah Palin resigning! Mark Sanford continuing to read entries from his Argentina travel diary! Pretty soon, George Bush and Dan Quayle will team up with 75,000 Elvis clones and lead an assault on Bolivia while Dick Cheney replaces his gun's barrel with a rolled-up photo of him shooting his pal!!!! THEY'RE BEZERK! AAAAAAAAAAAIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Details as events warrent.

Attack of the Clowns

Yo, peoples! I just finished my eighth comic book that I've written. Here they are in order:

Squad Nine

The Yard Turds

Let Me In To Bleeping Heaven

Revenge of the Nerds

Lawrence of Siberia

Stupid For Dumies (yes, I meant to spell it that way)

The Amazing Exploits of Nacho Man (and Taco Boy)

Luau Ho!

Also, my ninth will be Rush Hour. A

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST will be Sarah Palin. No physical force on Earth can possibly explain or describe the utmost damage she's done to her image by resigning. I must say, I thoroughly detest her. People apparently say that us men say stuff like that 'cause she's a woman. However, that is far from true. It's because she is totally rassa-frackin' stupid. She has become so addicted to the press spotlight that she actually resigned to get into the press sight again. McCain's campaign really did that, and now she can't stand not being ga-gaad over.

I was just looking at the comments on the CNN live Michael Jackson funeral site. Some comments are from Malaysia, Finland, the Philippines, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Jamaica, Ontario, Vietnam, DC, Ohio, Texas, Wisconsin, Florida, Philadelphia, New York, Singapore, Georgia, Michigan, Baltimore, New Jersey, Arkansas, South Carolina, Mississippi, Sweden, Ireland, The UK, Detroit, Puerto Rico, Antigua, Trinidad, Nashville, Orlando, Indianapolis, Kansas City (the one in Florida), Wales, Albany, Fresno, St. Louis, Miami, Omaha, Des Moines, Augusta, The US Virgin Islands, and weirdest of all, Silicone Valley, CA. Like, y'know? (There was also a comment that asked ' Who is Michael Jackson?' OOPS.

See ya later!

Random junk--- cool!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm HECKA wet!!!!! I just had a totally killer water gun fight with dad. I hid in the bushes for ten minutes and finally jumped out and mopped the floor with him (aka I got him by surprise). He ended up taking his shirt off to warm up, which is saying something, 'cause it's 100+ degrees and we're boiling up.

The new brain tickler is: it it's all. Not exactly my easiest.

Time for 'what the heck is wrong with you?!?!?!' Our town hall decided to renovate/demolish a hillside to create a concrete condo for 12 million smackaroonies. Unfortunately, we live in California, the biggest in-debt countr- er.. state there is. So now, we have a 1/8th finished cement construction on our hillside, displaced wildlife, and a totally ruined hill. Through all this, me and five other guys were.. um... NEVER MIND THAT! Some guys were spray painting the project with things like 'Have you no shame?' and.. uh.. 'What the heck is wrong with you?' They were obviously very smart.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the current state of governors. They're hecka going down the drain. Here's a list of who and why.

-Rod Blagojevich, a %&% moron who tried to sell Obama's empty senate seat after he became prez. He was caught and ejected.

-Eliot Spitzer, a totally whacked out butthead who cheated on his wife and resigned a week after the press release.

-Sarah Palin, who, through the course of McCain's campaign, messed up, tripped up, and generally acted like a moron. In fact, the only reason McCain picked her was because she would give him the 'making history' edge that Obama had. She practically lost McCain the election. Here's a list of all the mess-ups she did:

The 'Hockey mom' incident.

The 'Lipstick' incident.

The 'Joe the Plumber' incident.

The 'Moose hunter' incident.

The 'I can see Russia from my house' incident.

The 'I'll get back to you' incident.

The 'Dinosaurs lived with people' incident. (Not true, but still didn't help).

The 'Bristol' incident.

The 'Elitist' incident.

She messed the $^$ up.

-Arnold Shwarzenegger... oh, do I even need a reason?

-Mark Sanford---I didn't know the Appalachian trail went all the way to Buenos Aires.

-Bobby Jindal of Louisiana. If you want to talk to preschoolers, get on 'Mister Rodger's neighborhood'.

I hope you found this very explicit. Thanks!

The Ultimate Top 20 & the First Brain Tickler!!!!

I have now decided to enlighten you with the top 20 things on the planet Earth, not necessarily in this particular order:

20. comics.

19. m&ms.

18. summer vacation.

17. cheetos.

16. Art in all its forms.

15. Apple computers.

14. Obama.

13. Wikipedia.

12. YouTube.

11. Earlspay eforebay inesway.

10. Disgust of Sarah Palin. That's putting it lightly. She's a %$^%$*%(

9. Hawaii.

8. Action figures.

7. Laptops.

6. Area 51/Roswell.

5. Cats.

4. "He's dead, Jim."

3. Star Wars.

2. Star Trek/Spock.

1. Nachos. Nachos. Nachos.

I hope you find this helpful. Also, I would like to introduce a new feature: the brain tickler!!! Every Tuesday, (or maybe not, you never know) a brain tickler will show up on a new blog. This particular one was a puzzler in my classroom. Try to find it!!! The answer will be shown next Tuesday. That should give you enough time to figure it out! HINT: INVISIBLE INK.

HELLO, PEOPLES!!!! TRY TO GET THIS TICKLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PHROMATE

Wahahahahaha!!!!