___________ the Whacko is TOTALLY @#$%^&* NUTS!!!

Wow! I just didn't blog for 7 days straight again! Cool!

Today's blog is about ______ the Whacko. I think he may have finally been expelled.

First, let me give you an update on recent things he has done:

1) In a whispered conversation during math class, ______ and ________ the Whacko were having an argument. Suddenly, ________ the Whacko stood up and yelled 'No, _______, it wasn't the pizza!!!'

2) In the middle of math, he stood up and yelled 'Mrs. _______, could I borrow a......... PENCIL?!?!?

3) When Mrs. ________, our science teacher told him he couldn't go to the bathroom, he began crying.

4) During math, he stood up and yelled 'I don't believe in evolution! I believe man was created by a giant turkey!!!'

5) At recess, he ran around yelling 'I don't have any nipples!!!'

6) Randomly, he yells 'BANG BANG BANG ON A DOOR! THE DOOR FALLS ONTO THE FLOOR!!!

7) In the last few minutes of history, we were playing hangman (there were no more lessons to complete; we finished early), and _______ the Whacko was running the game. He spelled out a 41-letter phrase. In the words of me, 'Well, the good news is that no matter what letter we guess, chances are it'll be in there somewhere'. But while doing this, my good friend, _______, mentioned that _______ the Whacko had spelled the word 'soccer' wrong in the phrase. ______ the Whacko then yelled at him with his tongue sticking out. Then another person in the class whispered to him that he had a booger in his nose, he yelled 'Holy crap, is there litter in my nose?!?!?' But that's not all. While everyone was laughing at this idiotic inanity, he yelled 'Order in the court!!!' When someone whispered 'He's crazy. Absolutely crazy!' he yelled 'I'M NOT CRAZY!!! HUHHHHHHH!!!!!! But don't go away! There's even MORE!!! As soon as the laughter died down, he pointed to another one of my friends, _______, and yelled 'HE HAS A THUMB!!!' When we had finally gotten the phrase (it was '________ _________ ________ is not a soccer at all.' Who knows?) he went back to his desk, but kept doing his whacky laugh and his catchphrase, 'Aw, SICK!!!' and also, a new phrase, 'IT'S ALL ME!!!' When the substitute asked him 'Are you finished?' he yelled 'Do I LOOK finished?!?!?!' When she gave him detention for talking back, he threw his chair, pushed his desk over, and yelled 'NURBYARRRRRGUHHHH!!!!!!!!!'

If he's not expelled for that, I don't know WHAT he'd have to do.

Bye!

The Eight-Day Blog...

HAISSHOMMME!!!!! Hello, random people who are wasting their time reading someone else's blog! Unfortunately, I haven't been able to blog for eight days straight, beating my August record of not blogging for SEVEN days straight. WOOOOHOOOO! BREAK OUT THE CONFETTI! READ 'EM AND WEEP, AUGUST!!!!

As you may recall from my blog ______ the Whacko, I have a person in my class who feels compelled to do the WEIRDEST things. Well, he finally pushed it too far. Here is the transcript from our rainy day recess (which we had to spend inside. The teacher was using the copy machine while this was happening).

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRARRRRGH!!!!"

"_______, what are you DOING???"

"Garr! I wanna eat your backpack!"

"What the----"

"Narrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!"

"Gaaaaaaaaah! He bit me!"

"Rangah rangah rangah..."

"Owwww..."

That was the sound of ______ the Whacko biting one of my classmate's arms. _______ the Whacko got suspended, while my classmate got detention for A) ticking ______ the Whacko off in the first place, and B) Hitting him in the face for retaliation. The detention was unfair.

I have begun marketing myself as THE NERDIEST MAN IN THE WORLD®, mainly because I have an autographed picture of George Lucas, creator of Star Wars!!! YAHOOO!!! Unfortunately, this leaves me highly vulnerable to burglaries. As my friend, _____ would say; 'Oh, canoodles'. (Same person who 'ran' for student council!) Fortunately, it says in big cursive letters TO GRAHAM, so unless someone ELSE named Graham steals it, I'm safe! Yayyy!

Not much else to blog about, besides the fact that my friend ______ is throwing a HUGE Halloween party. (NOT the guy who 'ran' for student council.)

Bye!

Seizures®!

I just realized that we had a holiday recently that went uncelebrated:

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS CAME OUT IN SEASON TWO----- WOOO-HOOO!!!!!!!

Yes! And Cad Bane is being included as a permanent character, too.

As you may recall, my friend, ______, ran for student council as 6th grade commissioner. Now he didn't win THAT, but he is now Mrs. ______'s homeroom rep! Congratulations, ________! I'll tell him the good news as soon as I tell him he was running.

Everyone, Halloween is coming, and that's always a good sign. That means that there's LESS THAN A MONTH TILL MY BIRTHDAY! This year's list: A cell phone, a copy of Lego Star Wars 1, and a copy of Spore (a video game promoted by Steve Martin!). But this also means that soon, people will be wandering around the streets dressed like idiots and begging for candy. That's why this year, just to ADD to the scariness of our house, I shall be throwing pieces of steak out our second story window at the trick-or-treaters.

People, I know we are all wondering which Halloween candy to buy. This is why I am publicly supporting the all-new candy, Seizures®! Their slogan is: 'They're so tasty and extraordinary, you'll eat so much you'll have a coronary!' Go Seizures®!

Bye!

____________ the Whacko

BONZAIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, I just HAD to begin one of my blogs like that. Now, I KNOW that I haven't blogged for five days. But school cuts into my blogging schedule like a wolverine into warm swiss cheese (there's my favorite metaphor!!! Okay, technically it's a simile. So sue me).

Readers, there is a kid in my class who I simply NEED to tell the world about. On the first day of school, I thought 'Hey, this guy seems pretty cool'. On day two, I thought 'Hmmm. Well, let's not write him off as a TOTAL doofus'. On the third day, 'Okay, this guy's a whacko'.

His name is _______. As you may recall, I can't speak the names of anyone on this. A pain in the @$$, yes, but important.

I think he deserves a whole blog, as well as my first use of the new feature, Dude, where's my dignity? These are the voyages of the Dorkship Whackjobprise. And I am about to unleash this guy's stupidity on an unprepared and helpless internet. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

1) Picture this. In the middle of class, ______ raises his hand and says 'Mrs. ________, I found this paper clip on the floor, can I keep it?'

2) The incident where he said 'Mrs. ______, my zipper's stuck'. (He was referring to his backpack, but still!)

3) The 'Does anyone want to see my sharpie?!?!?' incident.

4) My personal favorite, 'Mrs. _______, my sweatshirt's stuck like this (it was over his head), but I don't want to struggle with it in front of the whole class, can I go outside?' Now, that was not the funny part. The funny part was when he bumped around the classroom, found the door, and in a mad campaign to get the thing off, began jumping up and down like a crazy person.

There have also been numerous other hysterical incidents, many of which are too horrific to describe. Also, I need to mention his most overheard remarks:

1) Aw, SICK!!!! Me and another person in this class tried to think what ______ would do during the nuclear armageddon. While the bombs were dropping, it was unanimously decided he would say 'Aw, SICK!!!'

2) NO! But in this weird whiny voice that kinda drops and rises as he says it, like this:

N O O O

O O O O O O!!!!!!!!!

O O O O O O

O O O O O O

O O O

If you met him, I am CONVINCED you would be repulsed.

Karl Wallinger and Kanye West: K.W.

aç å∂´ƒ©˙ˆ∆˚¬µ˜øπœ®ß†¨√∑≈¥Ω Wow! Those are some pretty cool thingamajigs! All you have to do is hold down alt-option and---- TA-DAHHH!

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: When there's a will, there's a way---- unless you want to wake the dead. Chez. Chez peanuts.

I live very close to San Fransisco. I live in Marin County, only a fifteen minute to half hour long drive away. And that means that we just couldn't stay away from a certain big festival in S.F.. I wonder what that could be...

Yes, Bluegrass came to San Fransisco again, and with it, the numerous hippies, whackos,

and random people who are running from authorities.

We went to see World Party at their big outdoor concert, but the internet is abuzz, NOT

because World Party was there, but because of Karl Wallinger's closing comment:

'This is one of the maddest f***ing gigs ever; we must be mad. Mad!'

All the little babies I saw in the audience got to hear their first F-bomb that night.

Everyone, I am a HUGE fan of game shows: Nothing's more fun than watching idiots who are not me humiliate themselves. Which is why I am rejoicing in the fact that Tom Delay, former Republican majority dork, is on Dancing With the Stars.

YES!!! A Republican idiot! I'm in heaven.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... Kanye West. In the words of Obama's not-so-off-the-record comment, 'He's a jackass'. Yes, I used the word 'jackass' on my blog :o wow. I think if Obama does it, it can't be that bad.

Ohkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, maybe not. Fine. I will never use the word 'jackass' on this again.

Bye!

Vote _______ for student council!!!

~!@#$%^&*()_+`1234567890-=. Hi! As you may remember, I have resolved to begin every one of my blogs a different way, but obviously, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel.

From now on, when I want to mention one of my friends on my blog but can't use their name for identity protection reasons, I will indicate so by doing this: _______. I hope this'll help your understanding of these blank spaces, and keep me from getting carpel tunnel syndrome from typing this explanation every time I want to mention someone's name. Okay--

Over the past month, you may have noticed a dramatic DROP... in the number of blogs I have been doing. This is because of school... and homework. So, this means that I will probably only be doing blogs on the weekends for the next 7 1/2 months. Sucky, yes, but necessary.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and feed him for a lifetime.... or at least until we run out of fish.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is childish cruelty. A friend of mine, whose name I can't say on my blog for identity protection reasons, is not running for student council. I thought I should say that right then, because this story can get pretty confusing.

The other day, I came up to class and yelled to everyone 'Vote ______ for student council!!!' That very person said 'What???? I'm not running!!!' 'You are now!' I said. And so _______'s campaign began.

I made flyers (which he doesn't know about yet, I plan to unleash them on Monday), campaign posters, and slogans, such as 'Vote for ______: He'll keep the peace'. It would sound better if I could say his name, since it makes it rhyme.

Unfortunately, _______ and his friend, _______ went around to tear down all my posters. So during recess today, me and my friend ______ went into the library, raided all the scratch paper, and made half a dozen more signs. By now, ______ was pretty ticked off with all this, but he decided to let it slide. He didn't really care.

Wait 'till he sees those flyers on Monday.