I always wonder why Captain America isn't some giant asshole from the 30's. He always seems to have adjusted so well to modern-day life. Shouldn't he be calling Nick Fury racist slurs or giving third-graders chastity rings? On the other hand, the economy seems to be just about the same.
But even awesomeness assembled can't blur out this week's top story: A blind guy escaping from house arrest in China. Chen Guangchang, winner of the 'Most Stereotypical Chinese Name' for five years running, had been under house arrest for 19 months until he had enough. He scaled a wall, ran to a getaway car, had a friend drive him away, and claimed asylum in the US embassy. Did I mention he's blind?
This guy is like the Chuck Norris of China (sorry, Jackie Chan). He did all of this BLIND. It's unbe-f***ing-lievable. Or maybe he's just wearing those sunglasses because he wants to realize his dream of becoming a Las Vegas Chinese gangster.
I have over 10,000 movie references that I could use here, most referring to The Hangover or The Big Lebowski. But I won't put you through that.
The good thing about all this is that it revitalizes the belief that America is a beacon of hope and freedom in the world. It's not like Chen claimed asylum in the Uzbekistani or the Moldovian embassies. And the cause he was jailed for? He tried to expose the Chinese One-Child Policy of involuntary abortions and sterilizations. This would never have happened if China had given its peeps some basic human rights, but NOOOO!!! Well this is it! NO MORE MR. NICE DYSTOPIA!!!
Eventually, they say that Chen is going to be recaptured and put right back where he came from. But really, I think we can all agree.
This is a moral victory.
Bye!
No comments:
Post a Comment