Bail Me Out

Uppin! Hi, people who stumbled across this blog while surfing the web!!! This blog is gonna be short, so here's my TOPIC OF INTEREST: The Bank Bailouts.

Followers, ever since I started this blog, we here at G-Force have been short on cash. So here's what I want: 7 billion dollars in cold, hard cash from the U.S. government! We're so poor, our college intern Biff has been begging for rattles on the street. (He's only two)!!!

So, I need to announce some sad, sad layoffs here at G-Force_ratings. We have three people who we're chucking into the big, steamy vat of unemployment. The first to go is our feature designer and only zombie employee, Samantha Eatyourbrains. Next, The Joker, our senior image designer. And finally, we're cutting our demographic board down to only two. We're firing Wall-e. I know a lot of you wish we'd fired Jar Jar or Dr. Phil, but since Wall-e had only three fingers and couldn't type, he wasn't really a valuable employee.

Of course, now we need someone to replace them, so we're letting our chief writer, Bob 'Bananas' Roberts take over. He's been such a good sport about it, we're giving him a massive pay cut and a coupon for a free appendectomy. Go Bob!

And now, our new hire. I'm not so sure about this one. We're hiring '5-shot' Bob Selkowitz, an outspoken Republican winger. He's the host of our new feature, 'Why Liberals are destroying America in 25 words or less'. Like I said, I'm not so sure about this one, but we'll see how it works out...

Good news! So far, we've received a grand total of.... $0 OF MONEY FROM THE U.S. GOVERNMENT!!! WHOOOOO!!!!... wait... what was that number again? Zero?

Oh, snap.

Bye!

Health Scare Deformed

Don't pull the plug on my IV bag, it's time for my new feature, HEALTH SCARE DEFORMED. Today, HEALTH SCARE DEFORMED: The State of our Union. As we all know, our evil communist president Barack Obama gave his first state of the union yesternight, and I think we're all disappointed that he didn't punch Joe Wilson down the throat. But you can't expect perfection from anyone, even 'Barack the Magic Negro'. Seriously, someone called him that. So, anyway, our evil leader talked about national debt, the war in Iraq, and read his essay on 'Why John Boehner is a f*** a**hole'. By the way, Boehner had turned a very rich shade of orange by the end of the speech. But, of course, the thing on everyone's mind was Health Care Reform. Ah, s***. I actually begin to gag when I hear those words now. I'm getting so tired of Republicans just stalling and stalling and stalling, a process that would NEVER be compared with 'dithering'. Did you get the sarcasm there?

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is China. Even though we owe them money, our school is hosting 32 Chinese exchange students. My friend ______ (as you remember, I can't say anyone's name on this blog) is hosting a Chinese exchange student at his house. I think it's a deal he's worked out with the Chinese: He hosts them for two weeks, and he gets no taxes for money used to pay off our national debt to China. They're arriving on Sunday, so I'll do a blog about ______'s Chinese guest on Monday, which is when I'll first meet him.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: You can take a country to health care, but you can't make them accept it.

And now, I announce a new addition to our demographic board here at G-Force: Dr. Phil. He's also the host of our new segment, 'More Advice I Pulled Out Of My Ass'. Here's a pic:

I'll blog you soon!

May the Farce be With You: A Star Wars Special Edition

Hello, and irrapadezz. Today's blog is short, but what I'm going to say has to be said.

In the past two years, I've noticed a fatal drop in the quality of Star Wars, starting with the Clone Wars animated movie (gag), in which a battle droid actually made a JOKE. They're droids, dummy. They can't make jokes. And then there was the pathetic episode of the Clone Wars TV series, 'Legacy of Terror', in which brain-dead Geonosians infected with zombified worms tried to kill a Jedi that I hate (Luminara Unduli). I stopped watching it after that. So, if Lucas doesn't stop making a farce of the force, I say all us Star Wars fans do something never done before: We stop worshipping the ground he has walked on.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is, in keeping with my Star Wars special edition, Cad Bane, a current Star Wars: The Clone Wars character, and another reason why The Clone Wars SUCKS TO HIGH HEAVEN. Here's a pic:

Do I need to say how weird that is? I sure hope not. The guy is, like, some kind of a space cowboy or something. Of course, being a cowboy in the Star Wars universe would be hard, since they don't have any cows. Maybe they'd call him a reekboy. Or a rancorboy. Or a nerfboy. I dunno.

So far I've missed six episodes of The Clone Wars ever since I stopped watching them, and to tell you the truth, I don't miss them one stinking bit. It used to be that I'd wait every week to watch a new Clone Wars episode, and if there wasn't a new one, I'd watch a rerun. Of course, this all has to be done off the computer, since I don't have a TV. Yes, you heard me right. I don't have a TV. Call out the national guard, this has to be some kind of Geneva Convention violation.

So, anyway, our friend Cad here acts like any respectable space-cowboy. He shoots people. And apparently, George 'Don't forget he also made Howard the Duck' Lucas wants us to believe that even though all he has are a couple of guns and a really bad hat, he can go up against a Jedi in battle and win. I think Cad can be classified with other Lucas-ian failures, going down in history with:

The Ewoks

Jar Jar Binks

The 'Star Wars Holiday Special'

And the Ewok movie, 'Caravan of Courage'. Don't ask. Really don't ask.

May the farce be with you.

Bye!

The Grim Veeper

Hi-YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Wow, for the first time ever, the beginning of one of my blogs has been recognized by this computer's spellcheck. Yay.

I was getting tired of talking about my alternate pen name persona that I use to create cartoons on Funny Times' Website, Elephant Man. By the way, the new issue of Funny Times arrived today, and I'm in it again. So, anyway, here's a picture of everyone's favorite idiot, Elephant Man.

I don't know if you can, but you might be able to click on this and make it bigger.

Also, I created another published cartoon, available to see on Funny Times' Cartoon Playground Editor's Picks (links in previous blogs), or in the latest issue of FT.

Also, I can't ignore the near-destruction of Haiti any longer. I wanted to talk about this earlier, but I couldn't come up with a funny 'play on words' title with either the words 'Haiti', 'earthquake', or 'Pat Robinson'. Wow, that dude's a d***. So, anyway, donate to the red cross NOW to help the newly-destroyed Haiti.

And finally, my official candidate for 2012 is my cat, P-nut Purrkins. I think our foreign relations will fall into line when all the world leaders realize I could just send P-nut to gnaw their ankles off, leave a hairball in their bed, or (shudder) put some pebbles from his kitty litter in their VCR. That was a nightmare to clean out. So that means Mr. Purrkins will definitely help us with our shaky relations with Kim Jong Il, aka 'Kimmie'. On a positive side for Kim,

P-nut's cat litter will at least make good padding for his platform shoes.

And now, I'm presenting the first use of my feature, I'M USING THAT TOPIC OF INTEREST AGAIN AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, SUCKER!!! As you recall, I only use this after I've made a TOPIC OF INTEREST about a subject, and made a second feature called YES, IT'S THAT TOPIC OF INTEREST AGAIN about it. So this is the third time I've used global warming as a TOPIC OF INTEREST.

So, I just got the latest issue of Funny Times, like I said, and on the cover is a very provocative picture. Some guy is talking about global warming, and he says 'Yeah, but what if it's all a hoax and we create a better planet for nothing?' This is a very good point. It doesn't even matter what stage global warming is in, creating a better planet is something we should do anyway. Why SHOULDN'T we make better schools? Why SHOULDN'T we make a better environment? Here's your homework assignment for the day: Go up to a Republican and ask them that. I bet they won't have anything near a good answer.

Bye!!!

M-ASS-achusetts

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT, and I don't feel fine. I think it's time we addressed the fact that, even though we don't like it, our glory days are over. It's time we realized that, as much as we like to deny it, we've ruined ourselves yet again. It's time we took a step back and took a nice, long look at the quagmire that we've landed ourselves in. I'm speaking, of course, of Scott Brown, the new Republican senator from Massachusetts. Wow. Leave it to the Democrats to find some idiot who can lose Ted Kennedy's senate seat to a Republican nude model in one of the most liberal states in the country. But hey, we found an idiot to lose to 'Dubbya' Bush a couple of times. So, who's this estranged, idiotic, demented whackjob who has the I.Q. of that new fish they discovered that clings onto your... well, you get the idea. So, anyway, who was this mystery person who has somehow ruined our 60-seat majority? Who? Is it Vermin Supreme, the crazy guy from New Hampshire who wears a boot on his head every time he gives a speech? Is it John 'I can't keep it in my pants' Edwards? Or is it Hillary 'My husband can't keep it in his pants' Clinton? Well, no more betting, because I'm about to show the a picture of one of the biggest idiots E-VER.

That's her?

Wow, I was expecting more of a John Kerry/Al Gore type of dude. So, what lost us the Massachusetts senate seat to a Republican who poses nude for sleazy magazines? Well, she didn't help up a homeless person who was knocked over by one of her own supporters. She ran her campaign like a Ralph Nader impersonator. But, that's pretty much it. Well, you know, this isn't SUCH an awful thing. I mean, we've been in worse situations. It's not like the fate of the country depends on this.

"The outcome of this senate race will define our country's future" -FOX news correspondent, 1/18/10.

Well, I won't get TOO worried about it. In a state like, say, Texas, a Massachusetts Republican is still considered, like, a pro-gay marriage liberal Democrat, so, maybe we're not dead yet. We need 60 votes to pass health care, and maybe we can convince Brownie to, maybe, um, let's say... defect?

Senator Elect Scott Brown: The Male Palin? -Headline from the Huffington Post, 1/25/10.

F********************************!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, f***, s***, f***!!!! Oh, crap!!! We're totally f***ed!!! And besides, even with Scottie in there, we still have a 59 seat majority! I don't know where the senate learned to do math, but it wasn't where I go to school, because it seems we have a bit of a conflict. You know, Massachusetts, I would expect this kind of behavior from, say, Arkansas. But not you, Massachusetts. Not you.

Beating Around the Bush

Here's a really short blog chock-full of links to funny George 'Dubbya' Bush videos:

Click HERE for an MSNBC special called 'Is Bush and Idiot?' There's only really one good part, where some NBC dude is showing a video of more stupid Bush-isms.

Click HERE for some of the best George Bush bloopers the world has ever seen.

Click HERE for Dave Letterman's Top Ten Favorite George W. Bush Bloopers.

Click HERE for George Bush insulting a blind reporter.

And Click HERE for Stephan Colbert roasting George Bush.

Bye!!!

Spider-Sham

Yelloooooo, people who are wasting their time reading someone else's blog!!! I don't like doing two blogs on one day, but I need to talk about this, and I thought I'd make it up to my followers (all two of them) for not blogging for seven days. So here it goes:

This evening's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Spider-Man. Back in 1962, when Spider-Man first appeared in Amazing Fantasy comics, no one suspected that it would become the fourth most beloved superhero on the planet, after Superman, Batman, and Nacho Man. Here's a pic of the first comic Spider-Man ever appeared in:

Of course, after the production of this, the editors of Amazing Fantasy knew they had a potential hit on their hands, and published so many Spider-Man comics that they ran out of story lines completely and had to start pulling their issues out of their asses. Of course, that wasn't enough for a public who was scarfing this s*** down like paper, ink, and staples were edible. They then introduced 'The Web of Spider-Man', which introduces a whole horde of new villains such as 'The Beetle' and 'Grizzly' (gag). We were then introduced to completely new series of Spider-Man comics, such as 'Ultimate Spider-Man' and 'The Amazing Spider-Man'. Throughout this, plots and relations were changed, and we were not told what the 'official' Spider-Man timeline was. The biggest pains in the ass was the movies, which revealed that The Sandman killed Spider-Man's uncle, Venom was actually a reporter at a newspaper, and Doc Ock was Spidey's hero. Meanwhile, in the Ultimate Spider-Man comic series, Sandman is the product of genetic mutating by Justin Hammer, who employed Doc Ock as an industrial spy and grafted his arms on, and Venom is Spider-Man's old childhood friend. Here's a brief insight into how Spider-Man characters have changed over the years:

Doc Ock: In the original series, he was a random mad scientist (plus, the art on his tentacles stank to high heaven). In 'The Web of Spider-Man', (the comic series, not the TV show), he was an employee of Osborne Industries, owned by the Green Goblin. (Wow, f'n confusing, no?). In Ultimate Spider-Man, he was created in the same accident that created the Green Goblin and he blamed the person who also created Electro, Sandman, and Kraven the Hunter. Wow. How annoying.

Green Goblin: In the original series, he looked like an old lady and wore a purple nightcap. His son is the 'new' Goblin, his brother is the Hobgoblin, Ned Leeds, his former employee, was the Demigoblin, and so forth. But in Ultimate Spider-Man, his son is the Hobgoblin, MJ (Spider-Man's girlfriend) is the Demigoblin, and the Hobgoblin is a clone of Spidey. Also, in the movie, the Green Goblin has armor and a suit, but in the comics, his skin is actually green and scaly. Also, in Ultimate Spider-Man, he creates the radioactive spider charged with a secret drug called the OZ, which bites Peter Parker and turns him into Spidey in the first place. FYI, don't loose sleep trying to figure this out, 'cause you never will.

Kingpin: In the original series, he's a small-time mob boss. But in Ultimate Spider-Man, he's a big-time gang leader who employed the guy who killed Spider-Man's uncle. But didn't Sandman kill his uncle in the movie? And what about the third guy who was also at the scene of the crime? And get this: He doesn't appear in a Spider-Man movie, but does appear in the 2003 movie, Daredevil, who is a blind superhero also owned by Marvel comics. Daredevil also ends up having a thing for Elektra (not to be confused with Elec-tro). But in Ultimate Spider-Man, Daredevil's dad was killed by the Kingpin, who employs Elektra to hunt a team of vigilantes including Daredevil, Spidey, Moon Knight, and Dr. Strange. Elektra then almost kills Black Cat, Spider-Man's OTHER girlfriend, who he had at the same time as MJ. Who is he, Mark Sanford?But Moon Knight whacks her in the back of the head with a moon-shaped ninja star.

Electro: In the original series, he's a bank robber who is instantly defeated by Spidey. In Ultimate Spider-Man, he was created by Justin Hammer, a bio-scientist dude who also employed Doc Ock to spy on the Green Goblin. He also created Sandman and Kraven the Hunter, as I said. He's then sent to work for Wilson Fisk, aka the Kingpin, and the guy who employed the guy who shot Spider-Man's uncle. He is then classified as an illegal genetic mutation by Nick Fury, who created the Spider-Slayer robots to defeat the clones of Spidey gone bad. Wow. How confusing.

Venom: In the first comics, he was a mysterious villain who shared Spidey's powers. He had an alien symbiote attached to his entire body that can stop bullets. In Ultimate Spider Man, however, it's revealed that the alien symbiote we've known him for for so long was actually created by Spider-Man's dad as a cure for cancer. Eddie Brock, Venom's secret identity, is the son of Spider-Man's dad's business partner. In the third Spider-Man movie, Eddie Brock is a reporter for the Daily Bugle, which Spidey also works for.

Carnage: He was a new arrival in 'The Amazing Spider-Man' (I think) and was a convicted felon who shared a cell with Venom. But Venom's alien symbiote enters his bloodstream and turned him into Carnage. But in Ultimate Spider-Man, he's a living organism distilled from Peter Parker's radioactive mutated spider-blood. Carnage escapes, kills Gwen Stacy, (Spidey's third girlfriend), and falls into a smokestack in the industrial part of Queens.

Scorpion: In the original series, he's created by Peter Parker's nutcase boss in hopes of nabbing Spider-Man. But in Ultimate Spider-Man, he's a clone of Spider-Man gone wrong. Spidey beats him up and brings his unconscious ass to the Fantastic Four. The other Spider-Man clones, Kane, Tarantula, and Spider-Woman, end up wreaking chaos, beginning when Kane turns MJ into the Demigoblin using the same 'wonder drug' that turned Peter Parker into Spider-Man and Norman Osborne into the Green Goblin. Holy crap. This goes on forever.

And finally, Sandman. In the original series, he's mutated after falling into a radioactive pit. Amazingly enough, the movie doesn't change that much at all. But in the movie, he's the one who killed Spider-Man's uncle, not the douche with the baseball cap and the goatee like we originally thought. Sandman, then Flint Marko, is put in jail, escapes, is turned into Sandman, teams up with Venom, battles Spidey, and then gives up. Wow, what a moron. You're IMMORTAL, stupid!!! You don't have to give up!!! Of course, in Ultimate Spider-Man, he's created by Justin Hammer, put in another prison, and then escapes and fights in an epic duel on the White House lawn. Also, in X-Men United (the movie), it's revealed that Sandman and his twin brother fought in Vietnam together. Then his brother touched the Crystal Gem Thing-y of Cytorrak (or something) and became the Juggernaut, who is just as unstoppable as his brother, Flint, aka Sandman. The Juggernaut is defeated when he stumbles into some wet concrete and sinks to the bottom. Wow. So smooth.

So, that was my official Spider-Sham butt-busting. I'll blog ya soon.

Drowning in Veep Waters

AAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!! I HAVEN'T BLOGGED FOR EIGHT DAYS STRAIGHT AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! If I didn't do this blog, I would have beaten my November record of not blogging for eight days straight. But I just had to because the survey results are pouring in (by that I mean, like, three people have done the survey. No one reads my blog. Sniff), and it looks like my cat, P-nut, will be my running mate this time around. Unfortunately, P-nut can't debate, and it'll look bad on foreign relations reports if he hacks up a hairball on Kim Jong Il. But Biff the college intern and Elephant Man are both at 50%, so they're getting there. Then again, Elephant Man doesn't exist, so it could be hard for him to give press conferences. Speaking of Elephant Man, I used my fake persona yet again to put two more cartoons on editor's picks using the Funny Times website. Wow, it's amazing that I could stick that shameless plug in there like that. Yow.

This morning's TOPIC OF INTERESTS are the possible candidates for president on the Republican side! (Cue ominous music). So here's a run-through of the right's possible nominees:

Mitt Romney

Karl Rove

Scott Brown

Sarah Palin

Rand Paul

Joe Liebermann (yes, I know he isn't a Republican. Yet).

Dick Cheney/Darth Vader, however you know him best.

and Glenn Beck.

Okay, I need to type this fast because my mouse's battery is failing and if I don't publish this now, I'll never be able to!!!! Bye!!!

Blackier Than Thou

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, LEMON SQUEEZERS! Okay, that was insanely random. As you may have noticed from the title, today's blog is about a certain stupid comment by Rod Blagojevich, and it's the subject of today's installment of Dude, where's my dignity?

Rod Blagojevich. Hoo boy. At least now I can just say 'Blagojevich', everyone goes 'Oh, f***, what'd he do THIS time?', and we move on. But I think everyone's favorite disgraced governor (and boy, are there a lot of them). In an interview for Esquire Magazine, he made the insanely depraved comment that he was 'Blacker than Obama'. He then proceeded to make idiotic references to his 'black' upbringing. Fortunately, the former governor apologized soon after. Both Rod and his freakishly massive amount of hair are currently in disgrace.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: It's always good to go the extra mile--- unless you have a specific destination.

And now for another edition of my new feature, BETTER KNOW A CARTOONIST!!!! Today, MAD Magazine artist Tom Richmond!!!

Tom is one of MAD's senior artists. He illustrated such MAD epic spoofs as BOTCHMEN, 30 Crock, Zeroes, and The Dork Knight (spoofs on WATCHMEN, 30 Rock, Heroes, and The Dark Knight). He also made a guest appearance in Pearls Before Swine, in which he drew a perfect caricature of Barbara Streisand. He also won the national caricature award of 1999 and 1998.

Bye!!!

Read 'em and Veep

YELLO SMELLO JELLO!!! Sorry, that was random. But I am on a mission to begin all my blogs a different way, so that was today's.

So, the dorks in my Egypt study group couldn't make me do the !@#$%^-ing Egyptian dance, so now I don't need to use Dude, where's my dignity? again soon, so that was a major victory in the fight against dickishness. As I think I've said before, I have declared war on dickishness. If it makes you prudes in my audience feel better, call it dorkishness.

Anyway, 2012 is coming closer every day, which means that I'll need a formidable running mate if I'm going to lose with dignity. I run for election every four years, even though I'm only 12. For my 2012 campaign, I'm considering my cat, P-nut. Some other candidates are:

-Jambread, the cockroach who lives under our sink.

-Anyone from my legion of friends, including my best friend, second best friend, and friend who ate a chunk of wasabi and barfed it all up screaming 'HOSANNA BANANA!!!'

-Roland, the fat kid down my street.

-Elephant Man, my Funny Times persona.

-Or maybe Biff, this blog's college intern who just turned four months old.

So, I'll turn this into a survey and see who I'll run with in 2012.

You may have noticed that I've added a 'Search This Blog' feature on my homepage. For those of you who are a) Amish, b) Mentally unstable,

or c) Person who still uses a '97 PC, here's how to use it.

Type in one of my blog's features like 'Topic of Interest' or 'Better Know a Cartoonist'. It'll come up with all the blogs with those features. You could also type in a phrase like 'Star Trek' or 'Wow, my eye is twitching', and it'll show you all the blogs I've made with those words in them. Click on 'More Results' to see all results on the WWW, or World Wide Web.

And finally, I've begun making every blog title a play on words or a clever saying (i.e., Read 'em and Veep, Is our Children Learning, so forth). I don't know why, but I think hours upon hours of watching Stephan Colbert and Jon Stewart is rubbing off on me.

Bye!

I'm Just Avatarin' Along...

Dr. Livingstone, I presume. Sorry, that was random. But as you recall, I'm trying to begin each and every one of my blogs a different way. I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

So, the geo bee went fine. I didn't go on to the county bee, but I didn't expect that at all. A guy in seventh grade who ALWAYS wins the geography bees won, so there you go. I did, however end up as the last sixth grader in the bee, so that was something.

Here's a feature I don't use a lot: ERT ERT ERT BIG SPOILER ALERT! This is where I type a movie review in invisible ink. If you haven't seen the movie, Avatar, and you want to see it, do not, repeat NOT highlight the following blank space. If you want to know how it ends, but don't want to spend $11.50 a ticket on it, then highlight the following blank space with your cursor and read on! If you don't give a s*** about blue aliens and would rather go see 'Up in the Air', do whatever the hell you want, I don't care. So here we go: ERT ERT ERT BIG SPOILER ALERT!

Avatar was pretty good. I could tell half the audience was there for the blue girl, Natiri or whatever the heck her name was, because every time she came on screen, these dorky morons behind me whistled under their breath, and then looked embarrassed. But it was ruined by 3-D. I hate 3-D movies. They're full of shmuff.

All in all, I think the only reason they made this thing was for the technology and the money. Some really good directors make movies because they just want to tell a story, not make money. People like Lucas, Spielberg, Coppola... oh, never mind.

I'm assuming you saw the trailer and know the general storyline, so here's the end of the movie, summarized. The movie ends with the humans repelled and such, so they can never return to Pandora again. And our hero becomes a blue person forever and 'mates for life' with the blue girl.

So, that was my Avatar review. And with the new MAD Magazine issue coming out soon, I can already tell you: The Usual Gang of Idiots is going to have some fun spoofing that thing.

Bye!

Why So Undignified?

Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Hi, people who are wasting their time reading someone else's blog! I recently realized that I didn't include a lot of evil things on my list of the worst things on earth, so here's an update:

Nose pickers, b-movies, nunchucks (those things really hurt!!!), religious schools, dillweed, Valentine's Day, 'educational' video games, romance novels, that idiot who got my favorite nacho sauce removed from stores because of some 'health reasons' or something, phones with cords, analog watches, permed and purple mohawks, people who fart in enclosed spaces, such as elevators, hair gel, skull t-shirts, cranberry juice, chains, long fingernails, suppositories, people who put the toilet paper roll's end at the back, smooth peanut butter, eggplant, musical hellos, eCards, Amy Winehouse, houses that belong in 1800's Illinois, Tamagotchis, the TV show 'King of the Hill', goatees, being told what to do, and people who blog about things they hate.

Anyway, my point is that there are so many things to hate and so little time to hate them, that I am forming the iRule Club!!! Nothing crappy is allowed in! And to be part of the iRule club, you need to know the secret password, known only by me!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

THEREFORE, THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME!!!

And now for a special feature I don't use a lot, Dude, where's my dignity? Tonight, my school's obsession with embarrassing their students, namely, ME!!!

For a project on Ancient Egypt, we needed to make a film using our teacher's camcorder. I joked that in the background I'd do an Egyptian dance. But all my idiot teammates took the offer seriously, and soon I had a horde of classmates who wanted me to dance like some dick in a centuries-gone empire on my hands. I didn't do it in the video, so now they want me to do it during the screening on Tuesday.

I think I'm shmuffed.

Bye.

Is Our Children Learning?

Click HERE for a hysterical George Dubbya Bush video!!! Showing such famous quotes as 'It'll take time to restore chaos', 'Rarely is our the question asked: Is our children learning?', 'I think man and fish can live harmoniously', and 'I think we should be giving and girls or boys of our country literacy tests!' Streaming through YouTube. Very hysterical. Very funny.

Wow, this was short. Bye!

My First Blog of 2010!!!

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, people-iferous persons! As you recall, I'm trying to begin every one of my blogs a different way, so this is today's. I haven't blogged for seven days straight, putting this record up there with my August record of seven days and my November record of eight. All right!

I recently realized that I begin about 99.9 percent of my sentences with the phrase 'You know what I hate?' As you may have guessed, I am a major pessimist. Unlike some optimists I know, I suspect that the world will end in 2012, or 2032, or at least in a few million years. I also know that no matter what we do, Earth will be consumed by the giant fireball that will be the sun in a few billion years, so nothing I do now will matter one shmuffing bit. As you may have guessed, I also am an atheist. By the groans I just heard across the nation, many of the people reading this are not. But, as I said above, that doesn't matter one bit.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the geography bee that I just signed up for. At the time of this writing, it is Thursday, January 7. So if you are reading this on a day past Monday, January 11 (the day of the bee) DON'T SPOIL WHAT HAPPENS---NOOO!!! So, anyway, I found this shmuffing good site for studying the geo bee. Click HERE for the link.

And another great site I found recently... Totallylookslike.com, where you compare people, cartoons, and suchlike that look alike. For instance, someone noticed that Joe Liebermann totally looks like Darth Sidious from Star Wars. Click HERE for totallylookslike.com.

And finally, I recently realized that many people who work here at G-Force_ratings go uncredited time and again as I make blogs. So here... for your reading pleasure... are the brains behind G-Force.

The Joker, our senior image designer.

Bob 'Bananas' Roberts, our chief scriptwriter.

Samantha Eatyourbrains, our feature designer.

Google, our reference source.

Alfred E. Neuman, our editor-in-chief.

Jar Jar Binks, and Wall-e, our demographic board.

And our college intern, Biff.

I hope you enjoyed that. But I'm worried that this blog site will mash all that stuff together or something stupid like that. Bye!