Vertco: The Most Evil Company. Ever.

I HAVE VERY BIG NEWS!!! I have started the most evil company ever to exist on the face of the Earth. It's called Vertco, and it has already conquered several competitors.

Vertco is a conglomerate. I've divided it into seven main divisions: Vertco Motors, Vertco Technologies, Vertco Waste Disposal Systems, Vertco Military Supplies, Vertco Intel, Vertco Pharmaceuticals, and VP: Vertco Petroleum. These divisions also own several other companies, such as Akimbo Motors, Silencer Co, Androidtech, Atoll Motors, Yeah! Programs, Chiskon Motors, and Securico. I have amassed a small empire by convincing numerous people at my school to work for Vertco.

It was all going so well until someone asked me what Vertco actually DOES.

Oh, well. Too bad.

I've tried to get some products, but my dad won't agree to co-sign a loan for me to take over IBM. I also tried to make some cars, such as the Vertco Minotaur and the Vertco Stadium, but I never got past the blueprint phase. On the plus side, I finally figured out how to draw cars. Whoo!

But, since everyone seems to want some actual tangible worth, I now present... THE VERTCO LINE OF CARS!!!

The Vertco Minotaur!!!

The Vertco Stadium!

The Vertco Patton!

The Vertco Arasachra!

The Vertco Default!

The Vertco Caribou!

And the Vertco Torque! (Sorry for the size of this image, I had no choice).

Those are all the Vertco cars! Ta-daaah! By the way, any similarities between the Vertco cars shown here and other cars (e.g. Scion xBs, VW Touaregs, Isuzu Troopers, Porsche Cayennes, that sorta thing) is entirely coincidental.

Bye!

A Scathingly Brilliant Idea, the End of the School Year, and an Adirondack Chair

Hellooo, and SCHOOL HAS ENDEEEEEEED!!!! To celebrate, I had a massive sleepover/Call of Duty MW2 battle at my friend's house. As expected, a certain SOMEone (who shall remain nameless) farted about eighty-bazillion times. Besides the farts, it was great.

I recently had the greatest, most incredible, most SCATHINGLY BRILLIANT IDEA EVER!!!

This plan fixes three things: Osama Bin Laden, the Gulf Oil Spill, and Global Warming. Here it goes:

Step 1: Build a few thousand supertanks that can hold about 3,000,000 gallons of water each along the Louisiana, Texas, Mississippi, and Arkansas coasts.

Step 2: Siphon out all the oil/water. Forget about separating them from each other, that would take FOREVER.

Step 3: CONGRATS! You've removed all the oil from the gulf AND decreased the ocean's level! This means that when the ice caps melt, they won't cause as much flooding to countries like East Timor and the Seychelles!

Step 4: Of course, now you need to do something with all that excess oil and water. Well, seeing as oil and water don't mix, it's easy to separate them now that they're both contained inside giant vats along the shoreline.

Step 5: Use three rockets, one to send the water into the sun (thereby evaporating it completely), one to transport excess oil into the sun, and a much smaller one to shoot at any Al Qaeda hideout we see fit.

TA-DAAAAAAH! We did iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

Now, of course we haven't done it yet, so write to your congressman to-day!

Oh, and by the way, me and my dad built an Adirondack chair yesterday. Here's a pic:

Bye!

Pearls Before Swine

Click HERE to visit comics.com's Pearls Before Swine page, where I got these great cartoons.