Crimea River

Well, I've had an interesting weekend. On Friday, I was sick, so I stayed home from school (THANK THE GODS!). Of course, I had the common cold, which is the disease I've been studying since early January for the Disease Project... oh, irony is a cruel mistress. Anyway, I'm back in top health and I'm ready to be unproductive and write blog posts instead of doing that Spanish video I probably should have gotten around to... ah, well.

Our top story today is, of course, the ever-escalating situation in the Crimean peninsula in Ukraine-- er... Russia. Vladimir Putin has officially begun the annexation of the territory by sending in troops to occupy Crimea's pizza places, casinos, and strip clubs. Ukraine has recently ordered a troop withdrawal as the Russians seize naval bases and key strategic areas. Meanwhile, the G8 officially booted Russia out from their club, leaving them as merely the G7. Of course, Putin doesn't care... because in Soviet Russia, the president assassinates YOU!

This is all the result of an election last week that showed that 105% of Crimean voters wanted to join Russia. Although these results are disputed by some, they seem pretty legitimate to me. I mean, it's not like Putin sent thousands of KGB agents into Crimea to stuff ballot boxes and execute anyone who stood in their way, right? That's silly. The big problem here is that this is all moving a lot too fast for the taste of President Obama, whose Red Line, Deadline, and Pretty Please With A Cherry On Top strategies have all proven ineffective thus far. Meanwhile, Putin continues to seize land and ride around shirtless with his gymnast girlfriend. Seriously... I couldn't make stuff like this up.

She'll annex Ukraine... after annexing your heart.

So the big question is whether or not Obama will have to back down and sacrifice a little dignity in order to avoid World War III, or even worse... World War Z (seriously, that movie was crap). So is this the conflict that will finally lead to the long-awaited and much-anticipated sequel to the critically acclaimed World War II? I say no. This is much too silly a dispute to lead to a global conflict of such a major scale. Recently in human history, we've been figuring out how to avoid massive wars through diplomacy and the fact that any country, even FRANCE, is capable of reducing the entire planet to a nuclear wasteland. If we do have a World War III... it's going to be because of a certain fat man-child dictator invading another country using nuclear bombs made out of twigs and boulders.

So rest easy. Bye!