Something amazing has happened: I have been visited by my future self. He's gone now, but I secretly recorded our conversation so that I could publish it here. Here's the transcript.
Me: Woah, who are you?
Future Me: I'm you.
Me: Is this, like, a Spock moment?
Future Me: Yeah, that's right. I'm you from the future.
Me: Well, that's intense.
Future Me: Yeah...
Me: Want a cheeto?
FM: Sure. We don't have those anymore where I come from.
Me: Did the government outlaw them?
FM: No, we just ran out of actual cheese. The new artificial kind is awful.
Me: So, what time are you from?
FM: 2098.
Me: You look like you're 20 years old!!!
FM: Well, using artificial age retention, you can live an extra 60 years!
Me: Oh... So, what's life like 80 years from now?
FM: Here's a current map of the world. Did you know that Canada was once its own country, with its own system of government and everything?
Me: Yeah, that's the way it is now. Why is California its own country? FM: In order for the US to have a nice even 60 stars on the flag, they granted California independence.
Me: What happened with South America there?
FM: Paraguay and Uruguay went to war over which one was 'guayer'.
Me: So, what do I become when I grow up? Cartoonist? Bounty Hunter? CEO?
FM: A janitor at the self-tying shoelace plant.
Me: Oh...
FM: Gotta go! Time travel is illegal, but I just wanted to warn you: Don't call your house 20 times today telling your parents to buy you an X-Box. They won't be happy.
Me: Too late. Come back five hours ago.
FM: Damn. (Space-time portal opens, out steps android).
FM: Wait! No!
Android: TIME TRAVEL IS ILLEGAL (zaps future me into small pile of dust).
Me: 'Sup.
Android: SEE YA (leaves).
Me: WTF!!!
Anyway, that's the whole transcript.
Bye!
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