Alabomination!!!

Let's say this right away: Alabama is not my favorite state. But some states don't deserve even things like this. This is the worst thing that has happened to Alabama since it was created. As I'm sure you've heard, massive tornadoes have swept across Alabama recently and killed almost 200 people. WOW. In fact, I just realized something: Bordering the Gulf of Mexico is just bad luck. Louisiana and Mississippi were devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Florida will never be forgiven by the other 49 states for the 2000 elections. Texas, of course, is just Texas, which is bad luck enough already. And now this with Alabama. Also, we can't forget the gulf oil spill. Amazing. That's a lot of crazy stuff.

I mean, I like Alabama! Just read this quote from two years ago, saying how much I love Alabama!

"Alabama is the only state where you can marry your cousin. It also houses one of the last remnants of the KKK. A worse state I cannot imagine".

Hmm. Probably should'a vetted that before I, y'know, published the post. Whoops.

And it even goes for outside the US. Cuba is being run by the Castros, and Mexico has one of the worst drug cartel problems in the world!

It's great to live out here in California, where all we need to worry about are earthquakes and Arnold Schwarzenegger going all Terminator on us and killing us in our sleep. Take your pick.

But then, nobody's perfect. Wherever you live, the place has a problem. New York is the #1 terrorist bombing location. Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming are located directly above a massive supervolcano. Snowstorms bury houses all along the east coast, and if you live in Nevada, you have to worry about the mysterious ticking noise coming from Area 51.

I could keep going from state to state (Hawaii-volcanoes), but I know that would bore you to death (Dakotas-flooding). So instead of blogging about pointless stuff (Illinois-crime), I think I'll instead (Maine-mutant lobsters) blog about relevant (Carolinas-racist flag/tobacco industry) topics that won't (Wisconsin/Minnesota-obesity) make my readership (Indiana-enormous Indy 500 explosion) decline drastically (Arizona-brain melting heat wave).

But now that I think about it, there really is nothing else to talk about. Nothing new in Libya. Ivory Coast's civil war ended weeks ago. Trump is dicking around, but as I said, nothing new. I'd better end this blog now before every story in the news officially goes sour.

Bye!

P.S.--- For those states who weren't mentioned: You don't get off that easy! Alaska-Sarah Palin. Delaware-death by boredom. New Mexico-another alien landing. Colorado-gigantic avalanche. Utah-Mormon zombies! Michigan-decline of American industry. West Virginia-massive coal mine collapse. Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma-dust bowl/more tornadoes. Kentucky-gigantic, destructive derby gone horribly wrong. The remaining states are all part of the bible belt. There you have it!