The Invention of Hugo Crappe

I saw the tenth-worst movie I've ever seen this weekend. It's called Hugo, and its crappiness knows no bounds.

The story is about a kid whose father died under mysterious circumstances in a museum fire and left the kid one of his possessions; a broken robot that needs a heart-shaped key to operate it. So far, you're probably thinking 'Oh, that actually sounds intriguing, so maybe there'll be international intrigue and suspense and chilling moments of realization'. Let me be perfectly blunt. NO. There is basically no good scene in the whole freaking movie. The kids are as wooden as any kid actor should be expected to act (I've always said this-- I should be an actor), but even the rest of the cast was an epic fail.

You know, It's not actually the actor's fault. No one could save this thing from its canned, corny dialogue or its moronic ending. The kid fixes the robot, but it doesn't tell him anything about how his dad died! ERRRGH... this movie made my brain cells permanently clench... 2/10 stars.

Man... this proves beyond a reasonable doubt that all movie reviewers (except you-know-who) are endlessly sentimental, nostalgic pissheads who wouldn't know an original storyline if it was tattooed on their big, fat, ugly faces... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

So in order to channel my hatred in a different direction, I will now give you a list of my most detested movies of all time! Let's see the list.

#9) Cowboys and Aliens. No plot, too many tone shifts, a waste of Harrison Ford.

#8) Transformers: Dark of the Moon. They ruined all the good characters.

#7) Green Lantern. It had so much potential. A movie about one of the best superheroes ever and... they squashed it.

#6) Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. Jar Jar can go die in a hole. In fact, I'll dig the hole FOR him.

#5) Thor. Two words: EPIC FAIL. A monotonous drone of cheap kiddie crap.

#4) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. THEY. RUINED. EVERYTHING.

#3) Clash of the Titans. Cheap special effects and no plot. Less yackin', more Kraken!

#2) Battle: LA. I'm not gonna get into it... just click HERE.

#1) August Rush. Sentimental, s***ty, and overall the worst movie ever made. End of discussion. BLEAH!!!

Oh, and some other things that WOULD have been on this list, but don't actually qualify as movies: Little Buddha, The Chronicles of Narnia, Garfield: The Movie, The Island, The Incredible Hulk, Jumper, Everyone's Hero, Wild, Wild West, Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties, The Other Guys, and The Core.

Bye!