Store Wars

I'm having a jam-packed week. I spent Saturday night over at the house of some family friends in Bodega Bay with my parents, and it was amazing. They have season five of Breaking Bad. I was in heaven. We also had long and thoughtful conversations, but... BREAKING BAD. It's the best friggin's show of all time. We have to cook, Jesse.

Anyway, then on Sunday I assembled the people in my group for the final battle of the Food Project for my school. We made apple scones, apple pies, apple salads, apple-stuffed pork loins, apple soup, and a quasi-apple fritter dish that resembled apples crammed into a really thick pancake. Some foods were more successful than others. As you remember, we invited our science teacher to come to dinner. He's an interesting guy, and goes only by the name 'Doc'. The party don't start until Doc shows up.

So now I'm getting into editing the video for the Food Project, and it's pretty funny. There's a good hour of footage of the four of us dicking around in Safeway, wearing Thrift Shop clothes and riding on carts. Then of course there's the actual food preparation, which features Calvin's insightful apple fact, "Apples are red. Except when they're not." It's good shit.

I'm pretty bemused by the news right now (HA, bemused by the news... it rhymes...), seeing as the 100 Best Memes of 2012 have just been released, with Gangnam Style taking #1, and other great memes like Socially Awkward Penguin, Binders Full of Women, and Bad Luck Brian coming in close. But I think a new meme is out. I don't know how the people of the internet will spin this one, but it's pretty friggin' funny.

You see, the G8 summit is being held in Ireland this year, but after the economic collapse of 2008, Ireland has been like Europe's Detroit. In other words, holding a big economic conference in a city filled with condemned buildings, decrepit factories, and run-down pubs isn't really sending the strongest message. So in order to bring back some of that old Ireland-y spirit, they've started plastering up pictures of bustling storefronts over brick walls. It's part of my new series...


IRELAND: Seriously, are you f**king kidding me?

I'm essentially the ultimate European, with lineage tracing back to France, England, Iceland, Poland, Austria, NOT GERMANY, and (you guessed it) Ireland. So I have absolutely no problem with saying the following. Ireland, this is pathetic. However, this is also one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. I've always said that the Protestants and Catholics in Ireland need to stop killing each other and start putting a little more effort into their country's aesthetic design.

In other news, Michelle Bachmann is bowing out of Congress next year, so there's a job opening in Minnesota for a psychotic woman with dead eyeballs who likes blaming mental retardation on preventative vaccines. Bachmann was, of course, one of the most extreme, anti-liberal, homophobic politicians in recent memory. The people of Minnesota have been so appalled by her disgusting rhetoric that they've re-elected her to Congress four times.

Bye!