The WAH, WAH, WAH Generation: Baby Boomers Are Lazy, Apathetic Narcissists Who Would Rather Blame Their Kids for Their Problems than Solve Them. Why They're a Giant Pain in my Ass

I had the incredible good fortune of taking a history test on Friday, and I aced it. Why, you ask? Because half of the test was on naming countries in Europe. Technically, we were only supposed to fill out the map with a minimum of 25 countries, but I did all 50 on the map and their capitals. So yes, it was a good day. I know how to map. Seriously, ask me any capital. Samoa? Apia. Slovenia? Ljbljana. Uzbekistan? Tashkent. Hmm. These are far less impressive in print format.

Yet not everybody of my age group seems to be as enlightened as myself-- case in point: TIME magazine just released their latest issue-- and it casts some pretty wide generalizations on us millennials. Take a look.



I hope that TIME realizes the massive opportunity they missed out on here. We're really more of the meme generation.

Anyway, if you can't read it, the caption reads "Millennials are lazy, entitled narcissists who still live with their parents." Two things: Firstly, yeah, some of us live with our parents. Us slack-off 15-year olds who do nothing but mooch off of mom and dad instead of renting our own apartments and getting a f**king job. God. So selfish.

And secondarily, WHAT THE FRIGGIN' SHIT, TIME? I'm sorry, but I'm pissed. Do they know what they sound like? "Oh, you kids today with your shorts and your t-shirts! Back in my day, we worked 10 hours a day tilling the backyard to grow SQUASH!" News flash, old people: Every generation looks on the next with disdain. And they're never right. I'm sure my grandparents thought my parents were 'undisciplined youths' for listening to The Beatles and opposing the war in Vietnam. And I'm sure THEIR parent's generation looked on THEM, wondering what the big deal with... Frank Sinatra was. I don't know what was popular back in the 40s.

But you call US lazy and selfish? Hey, baby boomers-- maybe instead of calling us names just because you had to ask your kids to set your phone up for you, you should try to solve some of the mind-blowing problems you've left us with. I don't know, like... global warming, unemployment, inflated college admission prices, a couple of wars, national debt, a growing nuclear crisis across the world, and the death of Futurama. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

And yeah, some of us are lazy assholes who listen to Justin Bieber and fiddle with our iPods every second of every day, but why single them out? Are you guys just so appalled by the breadth of your own shortcomings that you decide to take it out on a whole generation before they even have a chance to prove themselves? It boggles the mind.

Sorry if this seemed confrontational, but I get up in arms whenever somebody tries to unfairly blame a kid for something just because we're conveniently lacking in power/lobbying capacity in this country. Maybe that should be our next civil rights movement-- letting kids vote. Actually, forget that: I'm forming a MILLENIAL LOBBYING ORGANIZATION!!! So that whenever a young person in this country is persecuted and maligned, we can seek out and sue the offending party. Remember that kid who was arrested for wearing an NRA t-shirt to school? We got his back. That kid in Virginia who was expelled for mixing two non-potent chemicals in science class? Her lawsuit is our lawsuit.

Now it's sounding less like the Millenial Lobbying Organization and more like the Millenial Justice League of America. Still, totally awesome.

Bye!