The Story of Kyle

I will now tell you the funniest story ever.

I was at my friend's house two months ago with another friend when we started talking about older brothers. I'm an only child, but I wish I had a brother, so I lied about having an older brother named Kyle. I was about to reveal that I was lying when the friend whose house I was at pulled me aside.

"So". he said. "You don't really have an older brother, do you?"

"Nah". I said.

He started giggling maniacally. "Well, let's keep this up. This is fun."

So we walked back into the dining room where the other friend was sitting. He didn't believe us, though.

"I don't believe you". he said. "If Kyle exists, call him on my cell phone" he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and handed it to me.

"Well, I don't know his phone number, but I'll call my dad and have him patch me through to him."

So, I called my dad and, whispering so no one could hear, filled him in on the whole scam. He thought it was fun and decided to go along with it. So I put the phone on speaker, and handed it to my friend.

"Who is this?" said my friend.

In a very strange voice, my dad said "This is Kyle."

Well, he went BEZERK. He started tearing up the furniture screaming "No, no, no! I don't believe you, I don't, I don't I DON'T!!!"

And from then on, we kept the elaborate little scam going. Kyle's character developed. He was a college graduate, 23 years old, with a '94 Mustang, a girlfriend, and a dog named Scrotum. He lived in Connecticut, so we didn't have to present Kyle to anyone. We could have kept it going forever.

But we decided not to. At a sleepover at the same friend's house, we informed every friend we had gotten in on the scam that Kyle wasn't real.

So now, I have a problem: We need to do this again. And fast. This was so much fun.

All we need is a new Kyle.

I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Bye!

(PS: Here's a pic of Kyle).

Lassening Again

Yello, everyone! And here's where I'm gonna be tomorrow!

I'm going back to Lassen National Park tomorrow! I won't be able to blog for three or four days, so I hope you can survive without your semi-daily dose of G-Force (and judging by the amount of followers I have, you can). We'll be leaving tomorrow morning, so in the meantime you can get on with your lives instead of sitting here and reading the excruciating minutia of every daily event. Like earlier today, the cat got out, and then my dad left the gate open, and he ran out into the driveway, and---

Okay, forget it.

And now, for another installment of... MASTER PLAN.

This is my master plan for getting rich quick. Don't you DARE use it, it's my idea. Here's the whole story.

A bank near my house called Tamalpias Bank (named after Mt. Tamalpias, or just Mt. Tam) gives out little slips called Tambucks whenever you make a deposit. You can redeem these Tambucks for prizes, like 25 dollar gift cards. Ka-Ching!!!

So, my plan is to just withdraw and deposit 20 bucks over and over and over again until you have 100 Tambucks, and there you go! You can redeem them for 25 real bucks! Ta-Daaah!

As I said, don't rip me off.

Bye!

The Easiest Twenty Bucks I Ever Made.

Blahblahblahhootchywawa. Hi, everyone! I'm trying to start off each new blog in a new way, so this was today's. I have a superduper amazing story, so here it is.

People, before I begin, I've gotta say that I'm not really Mr. Honest. I stole 300 bucks from dad's dresser (but gave them back). I swindled him out of 10 bucks when I sold him a drawing of mine. I forced him to pay me 40 bucks that he owed me fair and square (not exactly the fair part, but you get my point). And just today I got 20 easy smackaroonies off of him.

We had gone over to Santa Rosa to buy a bed for our guest room when we realized we had only $60 (the bed was $100). We bummed around looking for an ATM when finally, dad got a carton of milk from a store (which I immediately drank) and he got $40 cash back. We went over to the guy with the bed, but somehow mom lost $20. We were panicking, but luckily I had $20 in my pocket.

Here's what really happened.

Everything there was true up until the 'mom lost 20 dollars' part. In reality, she had been helping me get the bed into the Izuzu 'Trooper' when I noticed she was holding a 20 dollar bill. Naturally, I grabbed it, expecting an 'oh, Graham, stop it'.

Instead, she said 'alright, the bed looks OK. Let's go'.

Now I was wondering if she was just messing with me, but she didn't seem to even mind. I was getting scared for her sanity when I heard mom say:

'Oh, darn it. I thought I had another 20 in here. How'll we pay for the bed?!?!'

And at that moment, I activated that patented SuperGraham genius that never fails and worked everything to my total advantage.

I came up and said 'oh, mom, I found a 20 in my pocket--- but you owe me $20'.

Dad says 'Yesssssssssssss! I can get my bed!'

Mom says 'Yesssssssssssss! He can get his bed!'

I stand there rolling my eyes.

On the way back, Dad is acting a little skeptical. He says to mom, 'what the he!! happened to your twenty bucks?!?!?!?' Mom says she must've dropped it, and that's when I spoke up.

I told them that I had rigged the whole thing from the very beginning. Mom and dad were both amazed. And so mom payed me 20 bucks for a job well done...

and very easily done, I might add.

Bush screwed up.

Sorry, no topic o' interest today. But tomorrow I'll be tearing into CNN like a wolverine into warm swiss cheese. Bye!