Randumb

My friend Ben has something we like to call 'Evil Twisted Ben-o Logic'. He can use this to warp any social situation to his favor. Like, when he says that I didn't make up 'Sayonara, Capybara', he means that obviously somewhere, someone else must have thought that up. Of course, that's true, but that's like saying 'George Lucas didn't make up the word 'Jedi' because sometime before him, there must have been a mention of the word Jedi as a name for some remote African tribe or something'. True, yes, but that doesn't mean he ripped them off. Hence the term 'Evil Twisted Ben-o Logic'.

Time for the unveiling of a new Vertco off-brand! The Orb Motor Corporation is here! And now for the first Orb vehicles off the rack!

First, the Orb Proxy AE!

Then, the Orb Republic!

And finally, the Orb Samurai Roadster!

These cars will change Vertco forever. They are safe, cool, and affordable. And, if I may, they kick the ass of any other car in their class in production right now. Thank you very much.

Bye!

Sayonara, Capybara

I have a friend whose name I just got permission to put on my blog. His name's Ben, and if I may say so, he's insane.

He started a blog just yesterday, and he's using it to rip my blog and such. He also mentioned Vertco. Fortunately for me, he has a company called Shmuffco, which, (unlike Vertco), has no business plan, no concept for what it sells, and a completely incompetent Vice President, whose name I can also mention.

His name is Luis. He's the friend I told you about before, the one who 'ran' for student council. You may now realize that his name completes the phrase, "Vote for Luis: He'll keep the peace." I am also refusing to add a link to his blog... yet. I'll wait until he can post something other than slanderous libel.

Also, he mentions on his blog a reference to my signature phrase, "Sayonara, Capybara". He says he made it up. This is because Ben will do anything and everything to drive me up the wall.

I have wonderful friends.

Sayonara, Capybara®tm©tm®.

The Story of Kyle

I will now tell you the funniest story ever.

I was at my friend's house two months ago with another friend when we started talking about older brothers. I'm an only child, but I wish I had a brother, so I lied about having an older brother named Kyle. I was about to reveal that I was lying when the friend whose house I was at pulled me aside.

"So". he said. "You don't really have an older brother, do you?"

"Nah". I said.

He started giggling maniacally. "Well, let's keep this up. This is fun."

So we walked back into the dining room where the other friend was sitting. He didn't believe us, though.

"I don't believe you". he said. "If Kyle exists, call him on my cell phone" he pulled out his cell phone from his pocket and handed it to me.

"Well, I don't know his phone number, but I'll call my dad and have him patch me through to him."

So, I called my dad and, whispering so no one could hear, filled him in on the whole scam. He thought it was fun and decided to go along with it. So I put the phone on speaker, and handed it to my friend.

"Who is this?" said my friend.

In a very strange voice, my dad said "This is Kyle."

Well, he went BEZERK. He started tearing up the furniture screaming "No, no, no! I don't believe you, I don't, I don't I DON'T!!!"

And from then on, we kept the elaborate little scam going. Kyle's character developed. He was a college graduate, 23 years old, with a '94 Mustang, a girlfriend, and a dog named Scrotum. He lived in Connecticut, so we didn't have to present Kyle to anyone. We could have kept it going forever.

But we decided not to. At a sleepover at the same friend's house, we informed every friend we had gotten in on the scam that Kyle wasn't real.

So now, I have a problem: We need to do this again. And fast. This was so much fun.

All we need is a new Kyle.

I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Bye!

(PS: Here's a pic of Kyle).

X-Boxing...

Wow. I mean WOW. Friday was an incredible day. Here's the whole story.

On Wednesday, one of my friends invited me over to his house to play Call of Duty on his X-Box. However, his mom got sick, so we couldn't go over there. We decided to have him and my two other friends just come over to my house

to hang out, but since I don't have a video game system, it would've been lame-o.

When I got to school on Friday, my friend's mom had not gotten better. We were all totally bummed, but that's when I had the genius idea to bring the X-Box over to MY house and play it here. One of my friends loaned me his phone, I

made a few calls, and SHAZAM! We were in business.

Me and one of my friends got off at my bus stop. We hung out for five minutes while my other two friends got the X-Box and were driven over to my house. We set up the X-Box in about five minutes, hooked up the cords, logged on, and began to play.

This was awesome. All of us had been incredibly annoyed by the fact that we couldn't play the X-Box, and now we all could. When one of my friends had to go, I went on a TOTAL KILLING SPREE, and massacred practically everyone.

Oh, fun.

Bye!

Sleepover and Out

Yo! I just had an incredible sleepover at my friend's house! We went bowling, played 'Call of Duty' on his XBox, and ate so much ice cream that we exploded. It went great, until SOMEone kept farting and muttering their girlfriend's name in their sleep. This person shall remain nameless, mainly because he'd kill me if I said his name, but also because I'm just not that cruel to expose someone's flatulence. Here's a pic of Call of Duty:

This is possibly the craziest video game ever. You battle the other players in a free-for all (or you can gang up against someone) across numerous maps. My favorites are Terminal, where you're at an airport, Rust, where you battle around a massive, rusted chunk of machinery, and Underpass, which has a TON of tall grass to hide in and snipe people.

Also, my band played at our school again and we kicked butt, except the part where we had to play with the fifth graders. They can get really annoying, and their songs are insanely easy. And now I have Surfin' USA stuck in my head, since that's what they made us play with them.

I'm insanely excited about our new assignment in Language Arts: write a persuasive essay. I'm going to write it about the Tea Party and their incredible stupidity.

This'll go very well.

My friend is writing about changing clothes in PE, and it's going to be good. I've always hated changing into 'White Hill Wildcats' clothes every time I have PE, and maybe, just maybe, we have something here that'll change that. As I say, 'That part of school teaches you a very important skill in life: How to change clothes'. If you didn't catch the sarcasm there, we have a communication problem here.

Bye!