Vote _______ for student council!!!

~!@#$%^&*()_+`1234567890-=. Hi! As you may remember, I have resolved to begin every one of my blogs a different way, but obviously, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel.

From now on, when I want to mention one of my friends on my blog but can't use their name for identity protection reasons, I will indicate so by doing this: _______. I hope this'll help your understanding of these blank spaces, and keep me from getting carpel tunnel syndrome from typing this explanation every time I want to mention someone's name. Okay--

Over the past month, you may have noticed a dramatic DROP... in the number of blogs I have been doing. This is because of school... and homework. So, this means that I will probably only be doing blogs on the weekends for the next 7 1/2 months. Sucky, yes, but necessary.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Give a man a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and feed him for a lifetime.... or at least until we run out of fish.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is childish cruelty. A friend of mine, whose name I can't say on my blog for identity protection reasons, is not running for student council. I thought I should say that right then, because this story can get pretty confusing.

The other day, I came up to class and yelled to everyone 'Vote ______ for student council!!!' That very person said 'What???? I'm not running!!!' 'You are now!' I said. And so _______'s campaign began.

I made flyers (which he doesn't know about yet, I plan to unleash them on Monday), campaign posters, and slogans, such as 'Vote for ______: He'll keep the peace'. It would sound better if I could say his name, since it makes it rhyme.

Unfortunately, _______ and his friend, _______ went around to tear down all my posters. So during recess today, me and my friend ______ went into the library, raided all the scratch paper, and made half a dozen more signs. By now, ______ was pretty ticked off with all this, but he decided to let it slide. He didn't really care.

Wait 'till he sees those flyers on Monday.

YOU LIE!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. The Republicans have done it again. If someone said to them 'You are a living thing' they would say 'YOU LIE!!!!' Senator Joe Wilson found it necessary to blurt out at Obama during a speech he was giving 'YOU LIE!!!', referring to the fact that the Republicans think that, under his health care plan, he will cover illegal aliens (no, not E.T.). Rahm Emanuel himself says that, quote, 'We can disagree without being disagreeable. That was the point of the president's speech.'

OH!!!! MAJOR DISS ON YOU, WILSON!!!!!! Ball's in YOUR park! That was the biggest diss coming from the Obama Administration since Barney Frank's town hall meeting, in which a woman stood up and asked him why he was 'Supporting a Nazi policy', the policy being health care. Barney Frank responded by saying 'I am going to revert to my ethnic heritage and ask you: On what planet do you spend most of your time?' Barney, by the way, is Jewish. BUT!!!!.... THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH!!!! HE HAD TO FINISH THIS LADY!!! Which he did so very well by saying to her 'Arguing with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room TABLE, I have no interest in doing it.' But, you should ask, what did the free press think of these two incidents. Well, CNN said that Wilson was a disgrace to the Republican Party and that he should apologize profusely for this lack of respect for the president and so forth. At the same time, they thought that Barney Frank was perfectly right and that blah blah blah. Fox, of course, thought that Wilson was disrespectful (but was also very maverick-y) and that Barney was quote 'Putting the people down'. At one point during the coverage, a Fox reporter said, and I quote: 'Apparently Barney Frank was actually PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN. In fact, one of the people at the town hall said, 'why are you putting us down?'. Take a look'. He stood there for a moment. And another moment. Apparently Fox didn't have that PARTICULAR clip... or it didn't exist. Finally he caught on and said 'Okay, maybe we don't have that. But still...'

Sounds like SOMEone caught the 'stupid' disease.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: cheaters never prosper, unless they're careful about it, in which case they could live quite comfortably.

See you later!

The Txting Blg...

Hlo pples. Tdays blg will be compltly in txting format. Cool, huh? Anywy, I thght tht we should.... Oh *&%&^%#$&%*^& it, I can't do this, it's too freakin' annoying!!!!!!! ARRRRRGH..... now I owe Bill seven bucks. *(&%^^%$ it.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: An eye for an eye, and a hospital bill for a hospital bill.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is.... ironically, texting!

Texting is awesome. Totally awesome. It's the best thing since computers. Apparently, they now have phones that can text, take pictures, access the internet, and, of course, call people. Now, why every person on earth hasn't gotten one is beyond me. There are actually people out there who don't have internet access. Others do not think they even NEED a cameratextingipodphone (wow). But I will say this: texting may very well save this nation from the evil communist oppressor Obama-----

Cheese is great.

Wait, I think I got Rush Limbaugh's script here. Oh, well. See ya later.

The Greatest Movie Quotes of all Time...

I have been sickeningly emasculated.

We had the square dancing unit in PE today.

Need I say more?

That was a beautiful Haiku written and directed by me. Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: You can't teach an old dog new tricks, unless you inlog a memory chip into his brain.

And now... the moment you have been waiting for ever since you read the title of this blog... the greatest movie quotes of all time!!!! Read on, Macbreath.

"My preshisssssssssssss..."

-Gollum in 'The Lord of the Rings'

"Welcome... to Jurassic Park."

-Nutcase scientist/professional theme park designer in Jurassic Park.

"Luke... I am your father!!!"

-Darth Vader in 'Star Wars V'

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

-Sheriff in 'Jaws'.

"These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise".

-Leonard Nimoy in 'Star Trek' (2009).

"Ahl be bahk".

-The Terminator in.. (duh)....'The Terminator'

"There's a new sheriff in town"

-Whacky dude in 'Blazing Saddles'

"I bought a car... it turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?"

-Sam Witwicky in 'Transformers' (2007).

"Bond... James Bond."

-James Bond in any random Bond movie.

This has been TOPIC OF INTEREST. I will finish this off with pictures of all these movies.

SUPERMAN! DUHDUHDUUUUUUH!!! (Sucks)

People really annoy the snot out of me.

With all our advancements in technology, people are still spouting off inanities such as 'Everything was better in my day!' and 'I'd rather send a letter than e-mail it!' So I was shocked (not surprised) to learn that a group of such people live in an anti-techno cult in Pennsylvania called 'The Amish Paradise'. Anyone who is in that cult is a certified whackjob. Wait... what? It's not a cult? They don't rip out people's hearts like that guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Okay, maybe I need a new TOPIC OF INTEREST.

Never mind. Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Why settle for less? Well, let me think about that. I'll settle for less death, destruction, terrorists, and republicans.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... my new survey; 'Who would you rather be--- Spider-man, Superman, or Batman? Spider-man has totally awesome spider-powers, Batman has the batmobile and that dorky sidekick, and Superman has Lois Lane... and.... geez, he sucks.

I will add this survey as soon as possible. Bye!!!

The Great Bus Crisis of '09

On Thursday I wished that Friday would be better.

It was not.

Of all the days for me to take the buses, they didn't come. My bus came and left... without picking up anyone at all. The bus line supervisors said a new bus would come any minute. It did not. So I ended up spending a whole extra hour at school. Yippee.

The first thing that happened were the cannibalistic tendencies. We were marooned with no way of escape. So, DUH, we had to eat SOMEone. We had a hard time choosing between the heaviest and most annoying kids there, but we eventually chose the annoying one. He fought us off with his backpack, however, so that was out.

That was when I noticed my band teacher cleaning out his car. We ran over to him, shoving him our bus money. But he refused to give us a ride to our houses. (Why isn't the plural of 'house' 'hice'? like 'mouse' and 'mice'?) Anyway, he drove off, leaving me screaming "THE BAND WON'T BE HELPED ANY IF I DIE!!!"

Then I saw the box of m&m trail mix sitting on the ground. FOOD! SALVATION! Even though I spotted it, everyone else jumped on it like starving sixth graders (which is what they were). They ripped the package open with their teeth, grabbed all the m&ms, and threw the remaining contents to the crows.

This reminded me of food. Which reminded me of the fact that I had a lunchbox absolutely FULL of food in my backpack. I did, however, make the mistake of yelling "WAIT!!! I HAVE A LUNCHBOX FULL OF FOOD!!!" I swear, those idiots literally POUNCED on me. When I finally found a quiet place to sit, someone yelled "Graham! Your dad's on the office phone!!!" I thought that that development was officially weird, because I had called MOM earlier to come pick me up. But I had left a message, so mom, in a fit of panic, called dad, who called the office, who told me to pick up the phone. It was arranged mom would pick me up in about 10 minutes. The crisis was over.

Or was it???????

When I left the office, the bus waiting area was deserted, covered with backpacks. It reminded me of that movie 'I am Legend'.

I crept into the gym, thoroughly freaked outta my mind. As I snuck in, one of my friends (I can't say his name on this blog) pounced on me, ready to bash my head in with a volleyball. We soon found everyone else who was left. Most people had already been picked up by their parents. I was talking to everyone, trying to decide who to eat AGAIN, when someone yelled "Graham, your mom's here!!!"

The Great Bus Crisis of '09 had been averted an hour late. I will end this blog with the letter I was going to send to our 'food's' dad.

Dear Mr. dad guy, I like to eat olives

We're sorry about your son, but we were hungry. And when the buses come late, all hell breaks loose.

Bye!!!

The Worst Days of our Lives

KIACHAWANNA BABOSASAUNA. Hellooooo, people of the blogosphere!!! I just had the strangest day of my entire life. It was completely insane, and I rank it the weirdest day of my life, the second worst day of my life, and the second best day of my life. Here is how it began:

Today I did not have pre-period band practice (I play the clarinet), so I got to loaf around until 8:00. That's when I ate breakfast, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and discovered that dad had taken the car keys to work with him in San Fransisco.

I am almost always driven to school, and have never taken the bus in the morning. Until today, because I knew I'd be late for school if I biked, and the car was, of course, out of the question. Worse yet, I have no one to carpool with in my neighborhood. I was DOOMED!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That's when I remembered that the bus came to a stop just up the street. I grabbed everything I needed for school and ran at near-lightspeed to the bus stop with my mom, who gave me a buck to give the driver.

Now, since I had never taken the bus to school in my LIFE, and have only taken it HOME once, I was panicking. Was I too late to catch the last bus to White Hill? White Hill, by the way, is my middle school. Why they call it that, I will never know.

BUT... LUCK WAS WITH ME, because the bus came, I hopped on, and it drove to school fast as a speeding slug. The nightmare of the day was over.

Or was it???

While playing 'Pickle' at break, I barreled into some random kid who I don't know (I think his name's Riley or something), and fell to the gravel in momentous pain. I limped my way to the office, dripping blood from my left knee and elbow. I was given some ice for both and had to skip third period, which was P.E.

When the bell rang for fourth period, I staggered into class with two bandages and a VERY bad temper. On the bright side, I was setting the World Record for worst consecutive 24 hours achieved by a middle schooler. (At least I remembered all of my homework). During fourth period, I discovered there was a wasp trapped in the classroom. Now, I am highly allergic to wasp stings. In fact, the day I discovered that was the WORST day of my life. If I am stung, I go to the E.R. chop-chop, just like that. So for all of fourth period, I was sitting there not paying any attention at ALL to the teacher and wondering if and when the thing was going to sting me.

Nothing much happened at lunch, besides the usual. Someone pegged someone in the butt with a tennis ball, that someone ran off crying, someone gave someone 'the finger', the tetherball set breaks (again), so forth.

On the BETTER part of my day, I was given a cartooning job by my teacher. I am a HUGE artist nerd, so I nearly screamed for joy. The assignment is to draw pictures for the class to help build vocabulary skills. Not exactly Bill Watterson, but it'll do (great).

So, that was my fantastic day... not yet over. All I know about the rest of it is, I'll watch Spider Man II, have some hot dogs, go to sleep, decompress in a huge way, etc, etc, etc.

And so I end today's blog with a pearl of anti-wisdom: If the last eight years looked good to you, please get your head out of the corn chip bag. It's time to face facts.

Bye!!!