The Campaign Promised Land

The Republican National Debate is tonight-- no one's showing up. I thought the field for a Repub candidate was already looking small at best, but this is just sad. Which means it's up to me to save the day (again). I've decided that I'm running for president on the Republican ticket!!! Not that I actually am a Republican, just that I'm trying to find the group of people that a 13-year-old Californian kid can beat! And I've found it. Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, Newt Gingrich. I'll say again- the job is PRESIDENT. Don't let the applicants throw you off.

Now remember: This is for REAL. Go to my blog's sidebar and visit my other blog, VERTPAC, for the latest updates on ME 2012: YOU'VE DONE WORSE. Also, you can click to donate to the me campaign.

For those of you unsure about donations, clicking on the sidebar doesn't force you to give money-- I've been told it doesn't even let you do that. But still, check it out.

When I get to sit in front of this seal, I'll uphold the constitution LIKE A BOSS! I'll kill Osama bin Laden! Uh... oops. That was all I had to run on. The rest of this blog was just me telling you the different ways I could pop him in the EYE! I really need to stop planning so far in advance.

Okay... well, how about this: I know some candidates make bogus 'promises' like "I'll end torture in Guantanamo Bay" or "I'll make America respected again". But I'm blogging to you at 11:55 PST in a bleary-eyed, drowsy state from my gigantic 'WE GOT OSAMA' party to tell you this. WHOO! Hangover. Where was I? Oh, yeah-- I make promises I can keep. If I am elected, I will be America's most recent president. And I can almost guarantee I will make many, many speeches far more important than this one.

That's called upholding the dignity of the presidency. Ball's in your court, Trump-- stunt candidacies are HOT now. Debate me or suffer my infinite wrath!

Bye!