PHONEY 2012

Let me tell you a little story. Once upon a time, there was a country called Uganda. Uganda was in the middle of the biggest s***hole on the face of the planet. The s***hole was called Africa. All across Africa, terrible things happened. All of northern Africa was ruled by dictators. Western Africa still had slaves. Somalia was in destitute poverty, and southern Africa was (and still is) ravaged by a 30-year long AIDS epidemic.

The middle of Africa is a melting pot of all those disasters, plus a little extra civil wars, mindless bloodshed, and gratuitous starvation. There is one country in Africa that has no problems. It is called Ghana. But everyone cares about Ghana because it hosted the World Cup.

Uganda is a country in the middle of Africa. It has no working government, electricity, roads, modern cities, potable water, working cars, internet access, Blu-ray technology, air conditioning, edible food, or coordinated job-creating system.

The worst person in all of Uganda is Joseph Kony. Ever since 1992, he has been abducting kids from their homes and forcing them to serve in his army, the LRA (Lord's Resistance Army). He sorts them into two groups: Soldiers and sex slaves (choose wisely). Once someone is abducted into the LRA, they are often forced to kill their parents, and are then sent on a mandatory mutilation/killing/hacking off people's limbs and setting them on fire/raping spree. What a dick.

So, one would think that when someone tried to put a stop to a mass-murdering psychopath who has been compared to a modern-day Hitler, no one would complain. Well, one would be wrong. For every person on the internet or on the phone donating money to stop this f***er, there's someone saying that it's all a scam, and that the people organizing Kony 2012 (the effort to get him brought to The Hague) are just con artists.

Well, even if that was true, Kony is still a massive asshole. He's even been endorsed by Rush Limbaugh. Let me explain: President Obama sent in 100 US soldiers to Uganda to help in Kony's arrest. Limbaugh, who assumes everything Obama does is a socialist plot, decided to go on his radio show and talk about the LRA. He assumed (inaccurately, of course), that Obama was going after Christians because the word 'Lord' was in the LRA's name. Oops. That is what I would refer to as a 'faux pas'.

So, what about Kony? Well, he's still in the jungle somewhere, trying to find a way to abduct more children in the middle of the night. This whole thing reads like the plot from 'Taken'. But, are we going to let him live?

Yes, actually. If the past is any indicator, he'll make it another ten years at least.

Bye!