The 2012 G-force Coverage of the Republican Presidential Race: Part Seven: SUPER TUESDAY!!!

It has... not happened. All Republicans thought that they would be forced to support Mitt Romney as of yesterday, but the results were STILL inconclusive. Gingrich won Georgia (another great thing that lame-ass state has done for us), and the two biggest prizes, Ohio and Tennessee, were split between Rick Santorum (Google his name!) and the Blandmeister himself, Mitt Romney. There were also votes cast last night in Oklahoma, Alaska, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Virginia, and Vermont, all of which were divided up between the two front-runners.

Now, for those of you who depend on a semi-sociopathic 14-year-old's blog for all your election coverage, I'm sorry: I can't give you the in-depth info that you'll get from places like CNN or MSNBC. I can't deliver on eye-popping infographics. And I don't have a board of professional political analyzers to comment on Super Tuesday: Part One. But what I DO have is a certain set of skills. Skills I've acquired over a long blogging career. Skills that make me a nightmare for readers like you. You keep reading my post, and that'll be the end of it. I will not hunt you. But if you DO stop reading my blog... I will hunt you. I will find you. And I will subject you to 12 hours of obscure movie references like this one. So, without further ado, the election results, PLEASE!

Purple is Santorum, teal is Romney, and orange is Gingrich. By the way, nothing rhymes with 'orange'? 'Georgia' comes close.

Now, there is one interesting discrepancy in the election results: Both states that have voted for Gingrich (Georgia and South Carolina) are right next to each other. Which explains my long-running theory: The south has something odd it its water supply. And to my readers from the south... how many fingers am I holding up?

In other news, Apple unveiled the new iPad 3, complete with an app that allows you to communicate with Steve Jobs in the afterlife. Actually, Steve believed in reincarnation, so maybe all the people who say he's in heaven are wrong. He's back here on Earth in another form. Maybe he was reincarnated as a Chinese worker forced to piece together iPad 3's for his whole life. You never know.

Bye!