Keep Calm Except When There's a Royal Baby

AOPDHVAPWEFHAW CPAHSD P0CHAV0H AW0HV A0H A[0WEHAW0H 0SH ROYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLL BABYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Sorry, I really couldn't give two shits about Kate Middleton giving birth, but this blog is a subsidiary of NewsCorp, Rupert Murdoch's media empire. And I'm contractually obligated to lose my mind over any mention of British royalty giving birth. Also, I'm not allowed to yell at Murdoch over the cancellation of Firefly. That's been a hard promise to keep.
Burn the land and boil the sea...
Anyway, THERE'S A ROYAL BABY ON ITS WAY, CHAPS! Break out the tea, crumpets, and doilies, because it's gonna be LEGENDARY! The baby will undoubtedly emerge from the womb wearing a velvet cloak, a crown with an ostrich egg-sized emerald in it, and a golden staff used for beating the peasants over the head. Just like how Wayne Gretzky was born wearing ice skates. His mother later died from internal hemorrhaging.

Anyway, the royals haven't checked on whether it's a boy or a girl, but even if it is a girl, it will be third in line to the throne no matter what. Recently, the rules of succession were amended so that the firstborn daughter will take precedent over any younger brothers she happens to have. So... there's that. Really, I have nothing to say on this pointless and stupid subject; I just need to get my blog post quota in.

I was going to provide some visual aid about the royals or Britain, but that's f**king boring as f**k, so instead let's get a pic of the God Damn Batman.



Or, we could compromise. See? Isn't that a lot more interesting than going ballistic over the dilating cervix of some woman a few thousand miles away? But hey, to each their own.

I'm really not sure as to why Americans get so crazy about the random goings-on of British royalty. It's stupid. The rest of the time, we couldn't give two shits about their pale asses, but now one of them is PREGNANT, and everybody loses their minds. Maybe there's something in our drinking supply. Anyway, this is definitely a psychotic phenomenon, and should be researched. So I've called together the top minds in all of psychology (Myself, and... others...) to determine the cause of insanity for America.

The conclusion: Latent stupidity. Seriously, I can't be kind about this. I guess Americans are just tired of not having royalty of their own to gawk over, and so they choose to go nuts for our former colonial overlords. Kind of traitorous if you think about it. Hmm... maybe I could get them locked up!

Bye!