Just Biden His Time

I've had an eventful week at school, so I haven't been able to blog for a few days. Not only did I go on a field trip to a movie theater where the projector broke (awesome), but I ended up going to see Looper again with some of the peeps today. Also, on Thursday night, I had to go to a Mountain Bike Club meeting thingy, so now I have to write this post at 9:30.

The big news that I missed, obviously, was the 2012 VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE OF VICE-PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE-NESS!!! Joe Biden and Paul Ryan had a sit-down and really had at it on Thursday, and it was pretty awesome. I wasn't able to watch the entire thing (because of the aforementioned thingy), but what I saw was impressive.

People usually write off Joe Biden as the tongue-tied old guy who plagiarized the British labour leader's stump speech and got tons of hair plugs. But he was perfect in the debate. Not only did he bring up the 47% statistic (which Obama failed to do), but he worked Grover Norquist, anti-war sentiment, and several stinging attacks on Romney into the debate too. Now, some Republicans are calling Biden's comments 'offensive' and 'disrespectful', but it's really about time someone laid down the law for these f***ing Republicans.

Biden was just as outraged as everyone should be over some of the things the GOP has been burping up these days. Not only did he bring a welcome amount of reality to the table, he was a lot more LITERAL than Ryan. Let me explain:

So far, all I've seen Paul Ryan do is talk about vague, metaphysical concepts. He'll respond to a question without actually responding to it. Example:

"Congressman Ryan, why do you think your tax plan will create jobs for this country when countless studies have shown that tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans slows economic growth?"

"Well, I love that question {Name of interviewer}. Thank you so much for asking it. It's the first thing that goes through my head when I wake up in the morning and the last that goes through my head when I go to sleep. I believe that our economy is the best economy, and that our systems are the best systems. I believe that taxing our sacred institutions of small business would destroy economic growth, and that is how I plan to bring jobs back to America. Thank you and goodnight."

You see what I mean? I'm paraphrasing, of course, but the guy never backs up his ludicrous claims with any... how do you say it... FACTS. Maybe I'm biased, but I think Biden won hands down. A debate is really decided by who goes on the offense and who plays defense. And Biden never let up on this slippery little screwball from Wisconsin at all.

Anyway, the next presidential debate is next week, and it'll be interesting to see if Obama just flubbed the first one to make Biden look better. I'm looking forward to it, but I really don't like hearing Mitt Romney talk. It makes my ears bleed.

Bye!

Secret Service Scandal Spectacular!!!

There's been another incident at my school, White Hill Middle School. Some sixth grader cracked his head open on the pavement, and was driven off by the paramedics. It's pretty intense, seeing as in the past few months, some guy tried to pole-vault over a gate and busted his hand clean open and another person was smashed into a locker and broke their arm. Our school isn't particularly violent--- it's just excessively apathetic. And it's like my friend Benny said: We needed to shake things up a little.

It's possible, of course, that they were just trying to commit suicide after bombing the Math STAR Test. I'll have my final answers for you by tomorrow.

There's been a series of events recently that I feel obliged to comment on. They're saying that it could rock the foundation of this presidency. So, without further ado, I give you... my new segment:

Yeah, it's some pretty good Photoshop. And by the way, if you couldn't tell, the reflection in the Ray-Bans is a hooker.

Like I said, there's been a scandal. The Secret Service has been douchin' around in Colombia, hiring hookers and haggling on prostitution costs. This strikes me as odd, seeing as there must be more fun things to do in Colombia than sit in a hotel room haggling with a hooker about what the cost is.

But this reminds us all that the Secret Service is human. And like the rest of us, they have certain needs, that can only be amplified after sitting in a room with Joe Biden. And speaking of the Executive Branch, check out Obama's speech at the White House Correspondent's Dinner 2012 by clicking HERE.

In other, more frivolous news, a bratty kid has become a national phenomenon. And no, I'm not talking about Rush Limbaugh. During a Rangers-Yankees game, an engaged couple caught a foul ball a few feet away from a little kid. The freaking brat threw a gigantic temper tantrum, leading people to call the couple 'insensetive' and 'heartless'. I say, let that kid cry. He will literally grow up to be a douchebag if he isn't told at an early age that you can't always get what you want.

BUT IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES... YOU JUST MIGHT FIND...

YOU GET WHAT YOU NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!

Bye!