Yeah, exactly.
Whenever I take a day off from school it always feels like I'm Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Especially today, because my friend Connor was sick, too.
Now, I wouldn't know what I'm talking about here, because I've almost never faked being sick to get out of school. But here are the ground rules to comprehend that I've picked up on that will save you from any school day. Note: These may vary between parents.
#1: I've never gotten a chance to do this; I only saw it in the aforementioned movie and Foxtrot. But the THERMOMETER TO THE LIGHTBULB is an ingenious way of raising your temperature fast. Now, I haven't ever been able to do it because my parents always stay in the room while I have a thermometer in my mouth. What a shame.
By the way, if you didn't get that reference, you need to play more video games.
#2: Here's an interesting tactic I picked up from my friend Riley: If you wake up and immediately say 'I'm sick', your parents will still make you go to school. But if you LEAVE SCHOOL BY CALLING THEM it seems like you truly tried to tough it out. Now: Mom, if you're reading this, I'm not faking sick today or any other day. I just happened to use the same thing that Riley does, and I didn't even think about it until well after I got home.
#3: HIT THE RIGHT SYMPTOMS. This is something I picked up from Calvin and Hobbes, and it especially applies when you're a little kid. You have to hit the sweet spot between commonplace symptoms and stuff that gets you taken to the doctor. Ferris Bueller recommended clammy hands, but if I were you, I'd shoot for the sudden, sharp pains in the head or legs.
#4: TELL NO ONE. Seriously, if you tell your friends 'Uh, derp, I faked it', you might as well kiss your ass goodbye. No matter who it is, they can most likely not be trusted. They will tell people, just you wait.
#5: This one will definitely vary between parents, but it's certainly true for mine. If your symptom is a headache, WAIT TO PLAY THE XBOX! Like, seriously people! It's not hard! As soon as your peeps see you staring at a glowing screen after complaining about a headache, they'll automatically think you're OK enough to go back to school.
#6: PLAN AHEAD. If it's a big math test you're trying to miss, don't tell your parents about it or they'll make you go. And if they DO find out, take a page from Ferris Bueller: Act remorseful and pretend you actually WANT to go.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off: BEST MOVIE EVER.
And there you have it. Some of those things are genius, others are just common sense. But if you follow these guidelines, you are well on your way to becoming a successful and enterprising liar.
Bye!
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