Where does congress get off? Who in the wide, wide political landscape of America has the GALL to think they can just stick their asses into the internet and just WALK AWAY? To find the answer to that question, I would normally check Wikipedia. BUT IT'S F***ING BLACKED OUT!!! Wikipedia is protesting SOPA (the bill) by blacking out all their pages, and now I can't do my goddamn homework! Arrrgh...
But fortunately, Wikipedia DOES have two pages up: Ironically, the ones on SOPA and PIPA (respectively, the house bill and the senate bill). And I discovered that the biggest asshole of all time is Lamar Smith, who, as you may have guessed, is from Texas. And now it is time to lay into him like a boss.
Dear Lamar,
Go screw yourself. Your website sucks. Your face sucks. You suck. See, I'm allowed to say stuff like that because I am an American. I can say crap like that because of a little something called the First Amendment (giving us freedom of speech). I know you got both of my representatives on board with your egomaniacal power play (they are Barbara Boxer and Dianne Feinstien, who are now numbers 2 and 3 on my s*** list). But that is no reason to think you can just take the helm and revise the internet to your own liking.
Oh, and by the way-- you know those pictures on your website? Copyright infringement.
I swear to God, you asswipe... if you pass this bill or ANYTHING LIKE IT, EVER, I will come to Washington. Along with every other person who uses the internet (everyone in America besides my Aunt Edna). And we will bring our computers and personally beat them over your
Oh no... Oh, God, it's begun!
Run for the hills, people of the internet! Off to Canada! Walk as far as you can until you find a signal! Now go, before they do it again---
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