Putting the Mental in Governmental: Part III: Prism Schism

Hey, guess what I'm typing this on? Two guesses. No, not my dinky iPod screen. And no, not my parent's computer either. Yes, good readers, I am writing you from my brand-new HP laptop, a marvel of human engineering. Why watch 24 on your iPhone when you can watch it in high-definition on a 15-inch screen? Yeah, I couldn't think of a reason either.

I'm pretty satisfied with life right now. Finals are over, and my Geometry and Science tests were in fact far easier than I thought they would be. School's out, and I can now look forward to 10 whole weeks of doing what I do best: NOTHING PRODUCTIVE WHATSOEVER. Except summer reading. And community service. And the 'summer engagement project', in which I have to find something that inspires me and create a project around it. The catch: Some of it has to be outdoors, and I just got a laptop, so... yeah. That probably won't work out.

But I can't take a total break from news in order to talk about my BRAND NEW FRIGGIN' AWESOME LAPTOP, so it's time to talk about boring shit. Yep, the f**kin' whistle blowers are at it again. According to my best sources (meaning John Oliver and Steven Colbert), there is a secret government program that records everything you ever do. Called Prism, this supercomputer sifts through billions of phone call records, emails, and text messages every day in order to find links to terrorist groups. Seems innocuous enough? Let me break it down for you.

I now give you... a situation that can actually happen in America today. A terrorist needs to call his local Toyota dealership in order to purchase a car for use as a bomb. Instead, he dials the wrong number, and calls your home. Prism records this call, and when the Toyota salesman who is secretly a CIA agent busts his ass, you are sent to Guantanamo with him. Totally possible; I am not using any hyperbole here at all. Or sarcasm.



Or, of course, the upside is that if you ever need to remember that website you visited that one time back in 2009, just speak loudly and clearly into your new Xbox One, and I'm sure that some helpful soul at the NSA will get right on it.

So what does this mean for America? That the psychopaths who wore tinfoil hats and yelled "THE GOVERNMENT!!!" in the streets were right? Of course not. What it DOES mean is that most Americans are perfectly fine with having their personal freedoms stripped away in favor of decreasing the chances that the next time they get on a plane, five guys with AKs will bring it down. For most, it's a difficult decision. For me, not so much. I choose FREEDOM!!!! Life's no fun without the off-chance that you'll get blow up tomorrow, right?

That was sarcasm, for those of you unschooled in the fine art of reading comprehension. But believe me, this is not a slippery slope. Sure, we're monitoring phone calls, but guns go unchecked to this day. Guess which one Republican legislators support.

Bye!