YOU LIE!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap. The Republicans have done it again. If someone said to them 'You are a living thing' they would say 'YOU LIE!!!!' Senator Joe Wilson found it necessary to blurt out at Obama during a speech he was giving 'YOU LIE!!!', referring to the fact that the Republicans think that, under his health care plan, he will cover illegal aliens (no, not E.T.). Rahm Emanuel himself says that, quote, 'We can disagree without being disagreeable. That was the point of the president's speech.'

OH!!!! MAJOR DISS ON YOU, WILSON!!!!!! Ball's in YOUR park! That was the biggest diss coming from the Obama Administration since Barney Frank's town hall meeting, in which a woman stood up and asked him why he was 'Supporting a Nazi policy', the policy being health care. Barney Frank responded by saying 'I am going to revert to my ethnic heritage and ask you: On what planet do you spend most of your time?' Barney, by the way, is Jewish. BUT!!!!.... THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH!!!! HE HAD TO FINISH THIS LADY!!! Which he did so very well by saying to her 'Arguing with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room TABLE, I have no interest in doing it.' But, you should ask, what did the free press think of these two incidents. Well, CNN said that Wilson was a disgrace to the Republican Party and that he should apologize profusely for this lack of respect for the president and so forth. At the same time, they thought that Barney Frank was perfectly right and that blah blah blah. Fox, of course, thought that Wilson was disrespectful (but was also very maverick-y) and that Barney was quote 'Putting the people down'. At one point during the coverage, a Fox reporter said, and I quote: 'Apparently Barney Frank was actually PUTTING PEOPLE DOWN. In fact, one of the people at the town hall said, 'why are you putting us down?'. Take a look'. He stood there for a moment. And another moment. Apparently Fox didn't have that PARTICULAR clip... or it didn't exist. Finally he caught on and said 'Okay, maybe we don't have that. But still...'

Sounds like SOMEone caught the 'stupid' disease.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: cheaters never prosper, unless they're careful about it, in which case they could live quite comfortably.

See you later!

The Txting Blg...

Hlo pples. Tdays blg will be compltly in txting format. Cool, huh? Anywy, I thght tht we should.... Oh *&%&^%#$&%*^& it, I can't do this, it's too freakin' annoying!!!!!!! ARRRRRGH..... now I owe Bill seven bucks. *(&%^^%$ it.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: An eye for an eye, and a hospital bill for a hospital bill.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is.... ironically, texting!

Texting is awesome. Totally awesome. It's the best thing since computers. Apparently, they now have phones that can text, take pictures, access the internet, and, of course, call people. Now, why every person on earth hasn't gotten one is beyond me. There are actually people out there who don't have internet access. Others do not think they even NEED a cameratextingipodphone (wow). But I will say this: texting may very well save this nation from the evil communist oppressor Obama-----

Cheese is great.

Wait, I think I got Rush Limbaugh's script here. Oh, well. See ya later.

The Greatest Movie Quotes of all Time...

I have been sickeningly emasculated.

We had the square dancing unit in PE today.

Need I say more?

That was a beautiful Haiku written and directed by me. Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: You can't teach an old dog new tricks, unless you inlog a memory chip into his brain.

And now... the moment you have been waiting for ever since you read the title of this blog... the greatest movie quotes of all time!!!! Read on, Macbreath.

"My preshisssssssssssss..."

-Gollum in 'The Lord of the Rings'

"Welcome... to Jurassic Park."

-Nutcase scientist/professional theme park designer in Jurassic Park.

"Luke... I am your father!!!"

-Darth Vader in 'Star Wars V'

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

-Sheriff in 'Jaws'.

"These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise".

-Leonard Nimoy in 'Star Trek' (2009).

"Ahl be bahk".

-The Terminator in.. (duh)....'The Terminator'

"There's a new sheriff in town"

-Whacky dude in 'Blazing Saddles'

"I bought a car... it turned out to be an alien robot. Who knew?"

-Sam Witwicky in 'Transformers' (2007).

"Bond... James Bond."

-James Bond in any random Bond movie.

This has been TOPIC OF INTEREST. I will finish this off with pictures of all these movies.

SUPERMAN! DUHDUHDUUUUUUH!!! (Sucks)

People really annoy the snot out of me.

With all our advancements in technology, people are still spouting off inanities such as 'Everything was better in my day!' and 'I'd rather send a letter than e-mail it!' So I was shocked (not surprised) to learn that a group of such people live in an anti-techno cult in Pennsylvania called 'The Amish Paradise'. Anyone who is in that cult is a certified whackjob. Wait... what? It's not a cult? They don't rip out people's hearts like that guy in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?

Okay, maybe I need a new TOPIC OF INTEREST.

Never mind. Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Why settle for less? Well, let me think about that. I'll settle for less death, destruction, terrorists, and republicans.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... my new survey; 'Who would you rather be--- Spider-man, Superman, or Batman? Spider-man has totally awesome spider-powers, Batman has the batmobile and that dorky sidekick, and Superman has Lois Lane... and.... geez, he sucks.

I will add this survey as soon as possible. Bye!!!

The Great Bus Crisis of '09

On Thursday I wished that Friday would be better.

It was not.

Of all the days for me to take the buses, they didn't come. My bus came and left... without picking up anyone at all. The bus line supervisors said a new bus would come any minute. It did not. So I ended up spending a whole extra hour at school. Yippee.

The first thing that happened were the cannibalistic tendencies. We were marooned with no way of escape. So, DUH, we had to eat SOMEone. We had a hard time choosing between the heaviest and most annoying kids there, but we eventually chose the annoying one. He fought us off with his backpack, however, so that was out.

That was when I noticed my band teacher cleaning out his car. We ran over to him, shoving him our bus money. But he refused to give us a ride to our houses. (Why isn't the plural of 'house' 'hice'? like 'mouse' and 'mice'?) Anyway, he drove off, leaving me screaming "THE BAND WON'T BE HELPED ANY IF I DIE!!!"

Then I saw the box of m&m trail mix sitting on the ground. FOOD! SALVATION! Even though I spotted it, everyone else jumped on it like starving sixth graders (which is what they were). They ripped the package open with their teeth, grabbed all the m&ms, and threw the remaining contents to the crows.

This reminded me of food. Which reminded me of the fact that I had a lunchbox absolutely FULL of food in my backpack. I did, however, make the mistake of yelling "WAIT!!! I HAVE A LUNCHBOX FULL OF FOOD!!!" I swear, those idiots literally POUNCED on me. When I finally found a quiet place to sit, someone yelled "Graham! Your dad's on the office phone!!!" I thought that that development was officially weird, because I had called MOM earlier to come pick me up. But I had left a message, so mom, in a fit of panic, called dad, who called the office, who told me to pick up the phone. It was arranged mom would pick me up in about 10 minutes. The crisis was over.

Or was it???????

When I left the office, the bus waiting area was deserted, covered with backpacks. It reminded me of that movie 'I am Legend'.

I crept into the gym, thoroughly freaked outta my mind. As I snuck in, one of my friends (I can't say his name on this blog) pounced on me, ready to bash my head in with a volleyball. We soon found everyone else who was left. Most people had already been picked up by their parents. I was talking to everyone, trying to decide who to eat AGAIN, when someone yelled "Graham, your mom's here!!!"

The Great Bus Crisis of '09 had been averted an hour late. I will end this blog with the letter I was going to send to our 'food's' dad.

Dear Mr. dad guy, I like to eat olives

We're sorry about your son, but we were hungry. And when the buses come late, all hell breaks loose.

Bye!!!

The Worst Days of our Lives

KIACHAWANNA BABOSASAUNA. Hellooooo, people of the blogosphere!!! I just had the strangest day of my entire life. It was completely insane, and I rank it the weirdest day of my life, the second worst day of my life, and the second best day of my life. Here is how it began:

Today I did not have pre-period band practice (I play the clarinet), so I got to loaf around until 8:00. That's when I ate breakfast, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and discovered that dad had taken the car keys to work with him in San Fransisco.

I am almost always driven to school, and have never taken the bus in the morning. Until today, because I knew I'd be late for school if I biked, and the car was, of course, out of the question. Worse yet, I have no one to carpool with in my neighborhood. I was DOOMED!!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That's when I remembered that the bus came to a stop just up the street. I grabbed everything I needed for school and ran at near-lightspeed to the bus stop with my mom, who gave me a buck to give the driver.

Now, since I had never taken the bus to school in my LIFE, and have only taken it HOME once, I was panicking. Was I too late to catch the last bus to White Hill? White Hill, by the way, is my middle school. Why they call it that, I will never know.

BUT... LUCK WAS WITH ME, because the bus came, I hopped on, and it drove to school fast as a speeding slug. The nightmare of the day was over.

Or was it???

While playing 'Pickle' at break, I barreled into some random kid who I don't know (I think his name's Riley or something), and fell to the gravel in momentous pain. I limped my way to the office, dripping blood from my left knee and elbow. I was given some ice for both and had to skip third period, which was P.E.

When the bell rang for fourth period, I staggered into class with two bandages and a VERY bad temper. On the bright side, I was setting the World Record for worst consecutive 24 hours achieved by a middle schooler. (At least I remembered all of my homework). During fourth period, I discovered there was a wasp trapped in the classroom. Now, I am highly allergic to wasp stings. In fact, the day I discovered that was the WORST day of my life. If I am stung, I go to the E.R. chop-chop, just like that. So for all of fourth period, I was sitting there not paying any attention at ALL to the teacher and wondering if and when the thing was going to sting me.

Nothing much happened at lunch, besides the usual. Someone pegged someone in the butt with a tennis ball, that someone ran off crying, someone gave someone 'the finger', the tetherball set breaks (again), so forth.

On the BETTER part of my day, I was given a cartooning job by my teacher. I am a HUGE artist nerd, so I nearly screamed for joy. The assignment is to draw pictures for the class to help build vocabulary skills. Not exactly Bill Watterson, but it'll do (great).

So, that was my fantastic day... not yet over. All I know about the rest of it is, I'll watch Spider Man II, have some hot dogs, go to sleep, decompress in a huge way, etc, etc, etc.

And so I end today's blog with a pearl of anti-wisdom: If the last eight years looked good to you, please get your head out of the corn chip bag. It's time to face facts.

Bye!!!

Parental Mission: Annoy the kid

ONLY 162 DAYS LEFT!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOO-----HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! SCHOOL'S COMING CLOSER TO THE END------ AND IT'S ONLY SEPTEMBER AND IT ENDS IN JUNE!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAH.... CRAP.

School is getting better every day, and by 'better', I mean 'closer to ending'. If any of my teachers are reading this, they should understand the psychosis that goes into anticipating the last day of school.

Of course, it's too late to break out the champagne because... it's time for MASTER PLAN!!!! Today's is on Republicans. I met a highly Republican girl at school who thinks Bush is god.

Oh, and at such a young age, too.

I was once under the impression that no one in America was under the delusion that Bush actually did a good job. Somehow, I was wrong. It appears that I underestimated the power of the 'Stupid' disease or 'H-1 L-7-1'. It is holding a stronghold on all of America and we are near-powerless to stop it! So here is my MASTER PLAN: Create a vaccine for H-1 L-7-1. Vaccinate everyone who has not been completely taken over by the disease. Those who believe in Death Panels and Obama being born in Kenya shall be banished to the South Sandwich Islands or Australia (do we still send our nutjobs there? No?).

As always, MASTER PLAN speaks the truth. But for VOLUN

TARY carriers of H-1 L-7-1, such as Rush Limbaugh, we need a better punishment, such as, I don't know.... maybe.... like... a panel... who decides whether you live or die... and they're kind of biased... and... hmmmm... what should we call it?

I have no idea.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: If at first you don't succeed, go home, relax, watch Robot

Chicken 'till your eyes fall out, eat some cheetos, and waste away your life.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is: The Top 10 Most Annoying Things a Parent Can Say to

a Kid.

#10. "I bought you a violin to learn on! Wouldn't you rather do THIS than read those comic

books of yours?"

#9. "I've thought for a while and I think that your video games are too gory".

#8. "Do (fill in the blank)."

#7. "Get off the couch and do your homework!!!"

#6. "You are grounded. You can start by giving me the iPod."

#5. "You have a blog?"

#4. "Turn off that 'Weird Al' music. I want to listen to

'The Beatles.'"

#3. "I'm going to tell the school board to assign more

homework."

#2. "I'm thinking of getting a tattoo."

And the number one most annoying thing a parent can say to a

kid... "Everything was better in my day!!!"

Fortunately, I have not had to hear some of those

(partly because I don't have an iPod).

Bye!!!

Banana men: the REAL thing destroying America

Grblgrbl. Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, people who are wasting their time reading a blog! Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Don't vote. Then, you can claim that government doesn't represent you. When they screw the %^#^* up, you can say you didn't vote for them and remove yourself from all possible responsibility and blame.

My least favorite part of the year is nearly here--- Halloween. It is the STUPIDEST holiday ever. A bunch of stupid-@$$ kids running around in dorky costumes soliciting for candy is NOT my idea of fun. I went trick-or-treating once, I hated it. Besides, all they give out is stupid old CANDY!!!! Never Wii's or remote control helicopters or bags of chips. Candy is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 1989. It ticks me the heck off, and seeing people say "Oh, Graham, I'm in your class.... why don't you trick-or-treat?" is painful. It's even worse when people dress like this:

God help us. And what's worse, there are always about nineteen guys who dress up in that

same stupid banana costume. Everyone always knows that it's the loser who dresses up like

that. If I DO dress up, I'll be:

a) The Terminator

b) Jaws

c) The Economy.

THIS ECONOMY SUX!!!!!!!!!!!

The Piggy Virus---- WHATEVER SHALL WE DO?!?!?

It's the end of the world as we know it. I have recently discovered that somewhere in Houston, Texas, there is a Starbucks... across the street from a Starbucks. My hell. Caffeine addict's heaven.

I must say, I am officially declaring that humans are insane. There is no other way to put it. If it weren't for the little sane facts, such as gravity, The Terminator, and how The Clone Wars is coming back in season 2 on October 2nd (huzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!), then the universe would probably implode in on itself because of human insanity. We all need help.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: If a president speaks, and no one listens, why does Glenn Beck still get ticked off?

Our TOPIC OF INTEREST today: THE FLU. Everyone and their mother is freaking the heck out over the cold and flu season this year, mainly because of the swine flu.

KILLER HOG

HE WILL KILL US ALL!!!! But for those of you who ARE seriously worried about the swine flu, here's a bunch of things that can occupy your worry time instead:

- Iraq/Afghanistan

- Glenn Beck

- Cancer

- Smoking

- Nuclear War

- The Stupid Virus

I hope this puts everything in perspective. See ya later!

How to become a mechanized game lord

I am still pretty ticked off about Disney's Marvel takeover, but I think there's nothing I can do about it now, unless I suddenly got about eleven billion dollars and bought the stupid thing from them. I'm afraid that Spider-Man may go the way of Optimus Prime.

Poor, poor Autobots.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom is: Be pessimistic and see all your expectations be realized. Be an optimist, and see all your hopes, dreams, and aspirations be crushed like the Pillsbury Doughboy under a cement mixer.

How inspiring.

I haven't blogged for about a week, and I'll tell you why. I was recently introduced to a computer game called Endless War 3. I beat it in one sitting. But Endless Wars 1 and 2 were harder. Because I am striving to be the ultimate lord of computer games, I spent the past 6 days beating those stupid games. I also am trying to defeat Lego Star Wars 2 completely, meaning find all the bonus levels, unlock all the vehicles, and find all the minikits. To help YOU become a computer/video game lord, I have comprised a list of all the games you must defeat before you are truly the king of mechanized games.

COMPUTER GAMES:

Endless Wars 1, 2, 3, and 4 using the 'hard' setting.

Fancy Pants Man: Worlds 1 and 2.

Ninja Rinseout: To defeat this game, get a master score.

Electric Man 2: One of the most devilishly impossible games ever. I've only beaten it once.

Pacman: Defeat the first three levels

Space Invaders: Defeat fifteen levels of aliens.

Asteroids: Defeat nine levels of aliens and asteroids.

Tanks: Play against another person; see if you can break one million. The first person to do so automatically wins.

VIDEO GAMES:

Lego Star Wars 1 & 2. Minikits do NOT count, but you MUST collect every character.

Spore: Beat it. Period.

Lego Indiana Jones: Beat it. Period. Bush is a $%^%$ moron.

Lego Batman: OPTIONAL.

Simcity: Make your city survive to see 2050 using the 'medium' setting.

Bush screwed up MAJOR-LY.

The only ones that I have not done here are Lego Star Wars 1, Lego Batman, and Lego Indiana Jones. That was TOPIC OF INTEREST. I'll blog you soon.