Mali

Have you ever been so cold that your earbuds freeze while you're walking to school? WELL I HAVE. Apparently, the bay area (and most of California) has been hit by a massive cold front and now everything's frozen. Of course, it would be too much to ask for it to F**KING SNOW... but whatever. I'm not caring.

Not much has gone on this week, unless you live in Mali. And judging by my chart of countries that have read my blog, you don't. So maybe I'll clue you in as to what goes on in the formerly great nation of Mali... in hopes of getting my blog read there. Maybe some great Mali-an will Google their country and try to find out more about it. Because I doubt that even they know anything about Mali. Let's go!

First off, Mali is a landlocked nation, not a communicative disease. Let's get that out of the way. It's a nation in West Africa, the most useless area of land both in Risk and the real world. For thousands of years, the region has lacked arable land, basic resources, and fully-functioning democracy. Kind of like Minnesota, but hot.

In Mali's Golden Age (which many doubt to have ever existed), it was ruled by King Sundiata, or The Lion King of Mali. And no, Disney did not rip them off, it was the other way around. Anyway, Mali was one of three West African kingdoms that traded all its gold off for salt. The people of Mali have never been called 'savvy businessmen'.

Mali eventually became a French colony, thus France's involvement in the current civil war in Mali. One would have thought that it would take way more than MALI to finally get France off their chain-smoking baguette-eating asses and DO SOMETHING... but I guess one would be wrong. Mali is also home to the legendary city of Timbuktu, which was recently declared a World Heritage Site. It took the entire Mali national budget to bribe the WHS officials, a whopping $5.41.

The flag of Mali symbolizes colors.

Anyway, now Mali is engaged in its own Arab Spring. So we'll see how things pan out. And France is being a great help-- they're supplying Mali with massive supplies of croissants, white flags, and stinky cheeses. And Mali-- it's up to you now-- READ MY BLOG!!!

In other news, Clarence Thomas finally said something while on the Supreme Court bench, marking the first time he's spoken since 2006. This undoes my theory that he sold his soul to the devil (George W. Bush), and had to exchange his speech for a seat on the court. But I'll get him on something. His historic statement of "Well-- he did not" will live forever as one of the greatest political quotes of all time. 

Bye!