Bulls*** of the Year

Every year starting now, I've decided to start presenting the most incredibly crazy state of the year. Whichever state pumps out more BS wins my 'Bulls*** of the Year' award and undying fame. And for 2010, the winner, hands-down is...

South Carolina.

This state is incredible. Right from the get-go, It was doing all sorts of crazy s***. Even in 2009, it was a runner up. To refresh your memory, that was the year Joe Wilson yelled at Obama 'You LIE!' during a speech.

This year, It crushed the competition with Mark Sanford's hike to Argentina and the crazy guy who fooled around with a horse... twice. Runners-up for Bulls*** of the year are Arizona, with John McCain and their racist immigration policies, and Alaska for having Sarah Palin. That one speaks for itself.

So, who will it be this year? San Fransisco has banned Happy Meals. Arkansas just had thousands of birds fall from the sky. And Florida (which won in a landslide in 2000, by the way) has a crazy guy who has built a miniature city for almost a thousand cats.

Pure insanity.

Bye!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Evil Eye for the Queer Guy

Hello, and Yashooba. Now, first off, I want to talk about the thing that's been on everyone's mind for quite some time, and that's Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I've long said that gays and lesbians should get equal rights to marry and serve in the army. Of course, I'm not gay. NOT THAT THERE'D BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! So, anyway, congress looks like it's going to keep Don't Ask, Don't Tell around a little longer. Nearly every Republican congressman agrees on this, proving beyond a shadow of doubt that our little Right friends have gotten a little asleep at the wheel. Isn't that right, John McCain?

"If someone comes to me with a bill that says to allow gays and lesbians to serve in the military, I will vote for that bill." -John McCain, 2006

"I don't think now is the time to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell." -John McCain, 2010

Yeah. There you go.

Next up is today's TOPIC OF INTEREST, and that's Tim Geithner. Tim is one of the few Democrats that I completely detest. To quote a recent-ish issue of The Week:

"Conservatives and Liberals rarely see eye to eye, but when it comes to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, they completely agree: they want him out of there."

Timmy is no better than his predecessor, Henry Paulson. But, I don't want to get to worked up over this, so here's my very mild propaganda:

GET THIS GUY!!!!!

Aaaaaahhh, I feel better already.

Everyone, it's been nearly a whole week since I asked the US government to give me a bailout. Let's check the official Cash Counter® and see how much dough I've accumulated.

The total comes to: $2.43!!!!! Whooooooooooooo!!!!! Yesssss! Break out the confetti, everyone, it's par-tay time! Spend rapidly! Woooo! Yeah!

Wait... that was just my allowance and the 43 cents I found on the ground.

Oh.

Well, forget it. I'm sure I'll get some more dough soon enough...

Bye!!!

The Demmies!!!

Hi, everyone! I got pretty worked up over Republicans the other day, so today will be kinda mellow. Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is.... THE DEMMIES!!!!!!!!!

I am announcing the awards for the Demmies (short for Democrat Emmies) today; meaning we will soon find out whether Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh wins the Obnoxious Blowhard of the Year award. If Limbaugh wins, it'll be his sixth straight year of winning this particular award. He is also eligible for the Annoying in-your-face Conservative Talk Show Host of the Year award, the Cranky Old Republican Geezer of the Year award (you can see why they're called the Demmies), and the Outspoken Crabby Wrinkled Right-Wing Old Fart of the Year award. The last two, however, will doubtless be won by John McCain.

Meanwhile, Stephan Colbert is eligible for the Best Double-Agent Republican-Democrat TV Show Host of the Year award and the Most Hair Shaved off on Live TV award (don't get this? Watch Colbert's Iraqi Operation on YouTube). Jon Stewart is eligible for the NEW Most Trusted Democrat Newscaster award, the Best Crack at Cracking Jim Cramer award, and the Weirdest Correspondent Jumble (thank you, Jon Oliver) award.

SO! Here it is! The moment of truth! In the political hemisphere, the Most Immediate Change Gone Through in 24 Hours award goes to President Obama!!! (Just imagine he's coming up to the podium, saying something, leaving, and giving the award to his CIA buddies to test for concealed explosives). The Happiest Goodbye Ever award goes to (former, thank God) President Bush!!! The Cranky Old Republican Geezer of the year award and the Outspoken Crabby Wrinkled Right-Wing Old Fart of the year awards go to John McCain!!! (Duh) Meanwhile, the Annoying in-your-face Conservative talk show host of the year award goes to..... Glenn Beck!!! But Rush Limbaugh once again claims the Obnoxious Blowhard of the Year award. Great. Moving on...

Stephan Colbert wins the Best Double-Agent Republican-Democrat TV Show Host of the Year award and the Most Hair Shaved off on Live TV award while Jon Stewart claims the NEW Most Trusted Democrat Newscaster award, the Best Crack at Cracking Jim Cramer award, and the Weirdest Correspondent Jumble award.

In theaters, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen wins Most Realistic Alien Robot Clash, Star Trek wins Best Re-producing of 1960's Idea, and G-Force wins Worst Blog Rip-off.

In Sports, Barry Bonds wins the Best Special Effects and Best Special DE- fects awards while AT&T park (home of the Giants) wins Best Ballpark Nachos.

And the moment you've been waiting for... THE RANDOM AWARDS!!!

In Argentina, Mark Sanford wins Longest Transcontinental Hike in one Weekend, in which he hiked from Top Rocker... to Rock Bottom. Sarah Palin wins the Stupidest Political Strategy award, Rod Blagojevich wins Best Elvis Impersonation By Deposed Governor, Dick Cheney and Joe Biden are STILL in a tie for Most Annoying VP, and China wins Biggest Feet. (What? Oh, right).

That's the Demmies!!! I'll see you soon.

Half-Baked Alaska

Hi, people! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Sarah Palin (is evil). In fact, I think her last name should be officially changed to 'is evil'. So that way, someone would say 'Hi, Sarah is Evil!!'

The only reason McCain picked Palin as his running mate was to have that 'History Making' edge to his campaign. However, he would have done better with Imelda Marcos (who, if you don't know, is dead), because SHE is (or was) not Miss Half-Baked Alaska.

Palin has become totally addicted to the media spotlight that the McCain Campaign put her in, and just to get back in it, she quit being governor of Alaska, saying 'It would be REALLY

quitting if I STAYED as governor'.

Now. I can KIND OF see her reasoning. I mean, who WANTS to be governor of Alaska???

Certainly not the guy who's taking over, who said he is 'reluctantly accepting the post as governor of Alaska'. For a full list of Palin scandals, go to my blog-- Random Junk--- Cool!!! on July 27, 2009.

But the thing is is that----------- NOTHING THE G.O.P. IS DOING NOW MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sarah Palin resigning! Mark Sanford continuing to read entries from his Argentina travel diary! Pretty soon, George Bush and Dan Quayle will team up with 75,000 Elvis clones and lead an assault on Bolivia while Dick Cheney replaces his gun's barrel with a rolled-up photo of him shooting his pal!!!! THEY'RE BEZERK! AAAAAAAAAAAIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Details as events warrent.

Random junk--- cool!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm HECKA wet!!!!! I just had a totally killer water gun fight with dad. I hid in the bushes for ten minutes and finally jumped out and mopped the floor with him (aka I got him by surprise). He ended up taking his shirt off to warm up, which is saying something, 'cause it's 100+ degrees and we're boiling up.

The new brain tickler is: it it's all. Not exactly my easiest.

Time for 'what the heck is wrong with you?!?!?!' Our town hall decided to renovate/demolish a hillside to create a concrete condo for 12 million smackaroonies. Unfortunately, we live in California, the biggest in-debt countr- er.. state there is. So now, we have a 1/8th finished cement construction on our hillside, displaced wildlife, and a totally ruined hill. Through all this, me and five other guys were.. um... NEVER MIND THAT! Some guys were spray painting the project with things like 'Have you no shame?' and.. uh.. 'What the heck is wrong with you?' They were obviously very smart.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the current state of governors. They're hecka going down the drain. Here's a list of who and why.

-Rod Blagojevich, a %&% moron who tried to sell Obama's empty senate seat after he became prez. He was caught and ejected.

-Eliot Spitzer, a totally whacked out butthead who cheated on his wife and resigned a week after the press release.

-Sarah Palin, who, through the course of McCain's campaign, messed up, tripped up, and generally acted like a moron. In fact, the only reason McCain picked her was because she would give him the 'making history' edge that Obama had. She practically lost McCain the election. Here's a list of all the mess-ups she did:

The 'Hockey mom' incident.

The 'Lipstick' incident.

The 'Joe the Plumber' incident.

The 'Moose hunter' incident.

The 'I can see Russia from my house' incident.

The 'I'll get back to you' incident.

The 'Dinosaurs lived with people' incident. (Not true, but still didn't help).

The 'Bristol' incident.

The 'Elitist' incident.

She messed the $^$ up.

-Arnold Shwarzenegger... oh, do I even need a reason?

-Mark Sanford---I didn't know the Appalachian trail went all the way to Buenos Aires.

-Bobby Jindal of Louisiana. If you want to talk to preschoolers, get on 'Mister Rodger's neighborhood'.

I hope you found this very explicit. Thanks!