The Good, The Bad, and The Smugly

It's been a bad week for Armstrongs. First Neil dies, then Lance gets his titles removed... it's a sad, sad state of affairs. On the bright side, I finally achieved my lifelong goal of having the same number of Tour De France titles as Lance Armstrong!!!

But this isn't the biggest news this week by far. No, that award has to go to the RNC's finale in Tampa. There were speeches by numerous prominent Republicans throughout, but they truly saved The Good for last.

CLINT F***ING EASTWOOD, also known as Dirty Harry, The Man With No Name, and that creepy secluded hermit guy from Gran Torino, took the nation by storm with his inspired performance. Now, I didn't actually watch the whole thing, seeing as I actually am a huge fan of Clint. But from what I've seen in snippets on The Daily Show and other random shows, it's pretty painful.

Eastwood devoted the entire speech to a back-and-forth discussion with a chair. The chair, in this case, was Invisible President Obama. In his twelve minute speech, Eastwood coined such fantastic quotable lines like "Um" and "Uh... hmmm..." Senility has been rough on him.

Now, TGTBTU is one of my top five favorite films of ALL TIME, so you can see how I would be a little perturbed. But you have to cut the man some slack. He was ad-libbing the entire speech, and he probably got a little tongue-tied standing next to the awesome star power of Invisible President Obama.

You know, this makes perfect sense. While Regular President Obama is out doing boring diplomatic missions, he sends Invisible President Obama to do his dirty work! I'll bet Invisible President Obama (or IPO, for short) was part of the Seal team that took down Osama bin Laden! There's a massive web of conspiracies ready to be unraveled here. And who better to do it than a man who literally played a character named 'The Good'?

Meanwhile, Mitt Romney gave a speech, that many say was fantastically mediocre. He highlighted many issues in America today, but also talked about American ideals and the strengths that we have as a country. Yes, I watched it.

On a completely different subject, the anniversary of 9/11 is coming, so brace yourselves for the empty, bland political speeches. And I have to suffer through the stupid questions at school like "What's 9/11?" or my favorite, "When did 9/11 happen again?" That's like asking when the War of 1812 was.

I live in a town of lunatics.

Bye!