North Carolina: The Tar-buildup State

Before I start getting hate mail from the people who actually read my blog (both of them), I admit, I did not follow through with my promise to make an official DNC drinking game. I know, I know. What a travesty. I have, however, started the DRAW SOMETHING OF THE WEEK, which you can see at the top of the sidebar. I'll try to change it every Monday, but you know what... I probably won't. What are you gonna do about it?

Speaking of the which, the DNC was held in Charlotte, North Carolina last week! Now, as loyal readers of this blog may know, whenever a backwater little state is drawn suddenly into the national stage, I tend to rip it a new one. But this time, I'm going to point out only the POSITIVES of the great state of North Carolina!!!

North Carolina, one of the 13 original colonies, has a great and rich tradition of tobacco farming. In fact, the state itself comes with a warning label that reads "MAY CAUSE CANCER". It consistently ranks among the US's 'Top Ten Carolinas' list, except for 1977. It was a really bad year, okay?

Unlike it's southern sibling, NC has no horse molesters to speak of, and its governor hasn't gone off on a taxpayer-funded flight to Buenos Aires to meet with his mistress... recently.

The state recently adapted NASCAR as it's state sport. One's liking or disliking of this sport is a good indicator of whether or not your ancestors owned slaves. NC's nickname is 'The Tarheel State' (which some of you may remember from The Campaign), a name which denotes both the state's wide variety of rednecks and the massive tar buildup in your lungs after you've had a little too much of NC's main agricultural product.

The flag of North Carolina may cause cancer.

So, nonetheless, the DNC was held in Charlotte in an obvious attempt to appeal to white southern voters without going 'all the way' and holding it in f***ing Mobile, Alabama. By the way, if a convention is ever held in Alabama, I will thank every God in the heavens for this rich comedic gift. I promise not to squander it.

The Dems were great speakers (as always), and definitely trumped the RNC speeches by Reince Priebus and John Boehner. I don't know if I spelled those right, but as Mitt Romney would say, "I'm not running a blog dictated by fact checkers". True that.

Bye!