UNhelpful

Aaargh... the blogger website has changed the format of the blog post-creation page. I have no idea what I'm doing. Honestly-- I'm staring at a bunch of buttons and feeling utterly lost. This is not a good thing. I do not respond well to change. Once, my favorite coffee place changed the upholstery on their barstools, and I sat in a corner for a week. I'm very frightened.

Not only this, but I can't figure out how to change it BACK. Seriously, there's something wrong with that. But I KNOW that there's a button I could click on SOMEwhere in the byzantine labyrinth of the blogger website that could get my old settings back. Until then, well, I'm screwed.

But let's not allow this to tarnish what could otherwise be a perfectly serviceable and entertaining blog post: Mitt Romney, the man of a thousand opinions, is still losing traction with whites, blacks, latinos, asians, inuits, koreans, organ donors, farmer's daughters, men, women, transvestites, gays, straights, southerners, northerners, easterners, westerners, and... everyone. He's losing traction with everyone.

Anyway, both the Romney campaign and the Obama campaign are in Ohio today, seeing as Ohio is without a doubt the union's most important state. Not only is it the most populous and the largest, but it also has a rich and fascinating history that the candidates could use to their advantage. That's called sarcasm, by the way. Write that down.

Really, I find it interesting that Ohio holds such power over the presidential election. Not only does it have a picture of a f***ing wheat crop on its seal, but it also gets to vote first in the PRIMARIES! This needs to end. From now on, we're taking turns by population number. And who's up first... OH! That's us! CALIFORNIA!

Meanwhile, in OTHER news, the annual United Nations meeting was this week, meaning we got to sit through another delightful 'Death to the Great Satan, Israel, and Nicki Minaj' speech by the world's favorite sociopath, Mahmoud Ahmedinijad, a title he claimed after the death of Mummar Qadaffi. Which means it's time for the UN to break out the BIG BOOK OF REALLY HARSH RHETORIC!!!   And sanctions, more sanctions.

Something tells me that, if Iran and Israel end up in a battle to the death, historians will look back on this time in human history the same way today look back on WWI. If this starts WWIII, it will be the most mind-bogglingly pointless war of all time, beating out Korea, The War of 1812 (seriously? You guys couldn't come up with a better name?), and Afghanistan. And over what? Religion. Basically, it's a bunch of grown men yelling at each other "My imaginary friend is better than YOUR imaginary friend!!!" It boggles the mind.

But then again, I neglect to mention all the atheists who end up killing each other over who believes in God less... oh, right that never happens.

And the biggest problem I have with Iran is that, if they do attack Israel, they say they will also attack US military bases in the region. And by 'the region', they mean Earth. I dunno... but if I end up being drafted when I turn 18 to go off to some godforsaken desert 500 miles from the ass end of Nowheresville, I will either flee to Canada or gouge my eyeballs out with an ice pick.

Bye!