That said, I can now begin. Kate Middleton (or 'Duchess Katherine', for you hoity-toity Brits out there) is pregnant, and she's 95% sure that it's William's baby. So, what does this mean? This little royal embryo is now responsible for carrying on the Windsor family name. However, s**t's been going down for the past week that would blow your mind.
Remember when those French paparazzi took long-range pictures of Kate naked? Well, it's happened again-- TIMES 1,000. A radio station in Australia called the hospital where Kate was being treated for morning sickness, and a nurse gave them all of Kate's medical information after they pretended to be The Queen. It would have been pretty funny, except that nurse just committed suicide.
Okay, it still is pretty funny. Because all the nurse did was PUT THROUGH A CALL!!! And she KILLED HERSELF!!! I can't blame Australia for this, mainly because we Americans like to stick up for our fellow former colonies. But also, Britain has created a culture where these royals are so revered that an exceedingly minor slip-up like this somehow merits SUICIDE? You've got to be F**KING KIDDING ME!!!
Also, if I didn't take the Aussie's side, I'm afraid they'd invade America on crocodile-back. But in all cerealness, this is absolutely ridiculous. And now all the Brits are blaming the 'Uncultured Colonies' for bringing this upon them. You know what, Britain? If you don't want this dumbass crap happening, get rid of your stupid royal family! They're nothing but a taxpayer expense and a tourist attraction! They have no real power! They're like the EPA... minus the 'tourist attraction' part.
Fortunately, Scotland might not be putting up with England's BS any longer--- they've been drafting constitutions and may vote to secede from the UK. Which means we've got ANOTHER country capital to memorize in 6th grade. I'm totally on their side, though. These people are eating SCRAMBLED FABERGE EGGS FOR BREAKFAST!!! Okay... I'm done.
Bye!
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