The End Of The World As We Know It

We're coming down to the wire. It's 12-20-12, and people are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow. I was thinking about why it would be terrible if the world ended tomorrow, so I decided to do what I always do when I'm in a life-or-death situation--- MAKE A LIST!!!

PROS OF WORLD ENDING:
• The entire cast of Jersey Shore will probably be killed in the process.
• With the number of apocalypse movies we've made, from aliens to solar flares to meteorites, it's probable that one of these predictions will be realized in spectacular fashion.
• Chuck Norris will most definitely survive.
• The Mayans will at least be able to say they predicted SOMETHING (They and the Aztecs sure as hell didn't see Cortez coming).
• My electronic bomb-proof safe will keep printed copies of every blog post I've ever written safe.
• We don't need to sit through another election year.
• If North Korea detonates a nuclear bomb, it might be visible to passing alien ships--- who arrived just a little too late.
• Those of us who watched the cursed tape from 'The Ring' today will have an extra seven days to live.
• The joke I wrote in the second sentence of this post made it all worthwhile.
• Finals week won't matter at ALL.
• A good portion of humanity will survive as feral mutant dog-men roaming the atomic wasteland.
• The remaining Twinkies may have enough content of Cesium-6 to live through a nuclear explosion.
• If Denzel Washington goes blind, he can re-enact 'The Book of Eli'.

CONS OF THE WORLD ENDING
• We never got to see 'A Good Day to Die Hard'.
• Futurama will have been cut short... again.
• My cat P-Nut will meet an untimely demise at the young age of six.
• The apocalypse will make investing in 401(k)s a big waste of time.
• The Black Keys will never make another album.
• We won't be able to witness the inevitable rise, fall, and drug-fueled collapse of resident pop douchebag Justin Bieber.
• If the world ends in The Rapture, I'll have to apologize to every religious nutball I've punched in the face repeatedly.
• Weed will never be legalized in California.
• We'll never find out where King Tut's penis went (yeah, I'm back on this).
• I wasted all my life going to school instead of kicking back and watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother.
• Newt Gingrich may survive in an undisclosed location (Hint: It's his secret MOON-BASE!!!)
• We may never learn just what went down in the 2000 election.
• Oh, yeah... and everybody'll die...


But altogether, we had a pretty good run. Get ready tomorrow (or not) for my post-apocalyptic-post!!! I wrote it back in August and scheduled it for 12-21-12 at midnight, just in case I had other things to do then. But hey, I wrote 484 blog posts. I got a 100% on my math final one year. I drew a picture of myself riding a unicorn while eating Cheetos and shooting an Uzi into the air... so yeah. I had a pretty fulfilling life.

Check in tomorrow... or if you're... um... preoccupied... don't bother. I'll understand. Bye!