1) DIE HARD: One of the greatest films ever made, and the definitive holiday action classic. John McLane wreaks havoc on bank robbers in one of the most action-packed, highly volatile movies of all time. My personal second-favorite movie of all time, with Alan Rickman perfectly cast as a European terrorist. A must-see.
2) DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER: Not quite up to the quality of the original, but still a great film. Again, Bruce Willis as John McLane has to prevent terrorists from blowing crap up, which he does by blowing even MORE crap up. Not quite as much a 'must-see' as the original.
3) ELF: Will Ferrel's momentary venture into Christmas movies turns out to be a fantastical success, with such memorable lines as "If you see gum stuck to the ground in New York City, it's not candy." Ferrel injects his usual trademark gross-out comedy into an otherwise nostalgic movie. It's funny, and (for those of you with kids in your household) doesn't feature nearly as many f-bombs as Die Hard.
4) FUTURAMA: BENDER'S BIG SCORE: Not a Christmas MOVIE per se, but it has Futurama's infamous Robot Santa Claus and his Xmas Eve Slay Ride in it. Not to mention a bunch of nudist alien computer scammers who cheat Earth out of all of its valuable artifacts by sending Bender back in time using a rub-on time code found on Fry's ass. It was bound to be somewhere.
5) IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE: Yeah, so this is NOT a great movie, but for my... older... readers, it might be fun to see a black-and-white movie where racial undertones run deep. Still, it's not easy to think of 10 great Christmas movies, seeing as they're all so F**KING ANNOYING.
6) A CHRISTMAS STORY: It's not Elf, but it's still a funny movie on occasion. Typical 80s movie fare, with a little bit of Ferris Bueller's Day Off in it (though not nearly as funny). If you don't have your heart set on watching a Christmas movie, watch Ferris Bueller instead.
7) THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL: My list has taken a definitive turn for the worse here, but in all seriousness, everyone should have to see this movie at some point in their lives, just to feel my pain. This'll remind you not to expect too much of the three new Star Wars films being released sometime in the next decade.
8) A CHRISTMAS CAROL: Ebenezer Scrooge was WAAAY ahead of his time (Are there no prisons? No workhouses?) I love that guy. Even a century or so ago, he was still able to figure out that Christmas had become a massive commercial enterprise that sucked up all the money from whoever had any.
9) HOME ALONE: I haven't seen this movie in a while, but I remember it being funny. Of course, I was probably eight years old.
10) THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: The rare Tim Burton outing without Johnny Depp is something to be treasured. It's a musical, yes, but a very well-animated one. Woah... what if Tim Burton just made a movie called 'Johnny Depp'? Plot twist: Johnny Depp is played by Helena Bonham Carter.
Anyway, that's my epic Christmas movie list. Watch 'em all if you want, but I warn you, I take no responsibility for the suckiness of numbers 2, 5, 6, 7, and 9. All the others should be enjoyed at least a little. Plus it's fun to put on 'It's a Wonderful Life' and find out which people in your family are communists.
Bye!
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