Blade Runner

Here's a shocking thought: Between OJ Simpson, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong, and now Oscar Pistorius, it seems like a Nike sponsorship makes you go bad. DAMN YOU, SWOOSH!!! Now all we have to do to test this theory is wait for Michael Jordan to become a crackhead.

As I'm sure you've heard, Oscar Pistorius, the 'Blade Runner' who competed in the 2012 Olympics, shot his girlfriend last week. He says it was an accident, and that he thought she was an intruder. And I believe him. It's like in Doonesbury, when Uncle Duke almost killed Zeke after mistaking him for a raccoon. But unfortunately, Pistorius doesn't have the defense of being high at the time. Unless he scored some of Michael Jordan's s**t. Graham Vert

And speaking of the Olympics, I'm calling this right now: The rings are racist. And I'm not the only one who's noticed. I mean, LOOK at them.


Really? Africa's BLACK, and Asia is YELLOW? This is more racist than the Power Rangers. Anyway, people all across the internet have been calling for the rings to be changed for a while now. And I haven't even gotten INTO the fact that the red one represents North America. God. So racist.

Anyway, today Pistorius made a stand in court, and the prosecution has since admitted that they fudged the facts a little. So we'll just have to wait and see if this turns out to be another Casey Anthony verdict. What... doesn't ANYONE remember that?

Recently, I've gotten hooked on the TV show 24, because if you're feeling crappy about your life, you can at least thank God you're not Jack Bauer. The only problem is that now, whenever my watch beeps on the hour, I instinctively say "The following takes place between the hours of 1:00 and 2:00 AM on the day of the California presidential primary. Events occur in real time."

Bye!