• "So, how long were you... Pope? Oh, sorry... that's the resume of another applicant..."
• "Have you ever worked on a Death Star before?"
• "Do you believe you could pass a drug test right now?" Then the applicant says "Yes". Then respond "All right... Question #1: Which Native American tribe was the first to use Peyote?"
• "Have you ever put a cardboard cutout of a dime in a washing machine?"
• "In your professional opinion, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
• "Are you on Team Edward or Team Jacob?"
• "Are you comfortable with buying large amounts of cocaine with client's money and writing it off as a tax deduction? For instance, as 'refreshments for corporate retreat'?"
• "Hypothetically, would you travel to India to retrieve a Bengal tiger to serve as our office mascot?"
Anyway, if you want more of this stuff, click THIS link to watch the funniest f**king video ever.
However, a lot more people may have to go to job interviews soon, because the US Post Office has announced that it will stop deliveries on Saturday. I know, I know, I'm a little late with this story. But I didn't get my copy of The Week last week, so I had to call the USPS station over in Fairfax and wait in line for some 102-year-old woman to finish hole-punching something... anyway, I just got the news today.
I've said for a while that the Post Office is a relic of the past and should be allowed to die, but no one's listened to me. But this is a step in the right direction. Soon, all our mail will come through the computer, and packages can be delivered by private companies like UPS or FedEx.
But I don't even trust them. Which is why I'm introducing the VERTCO PRIVATE PACKAGE DRONE!!! Remember back a few months ago to when a company decided to start airlifting tacos to people wherever they were in the world? Well, although that project got canned, I loved it. Imagine: Tacos, no matter where you were. But I've decided that we must take it a step further. And so my company (Vertco) has come out with a fleet of drones at the public's dispense. Gone are the days of having to wait for your Kindle to arrive from Amazon.com--- we'll fly it to you at only ten times the cost!!!
Of course, we take no responsibility for damage caused to packages. That includes getting them sliced up by the turbine of a 747, getting shot down by a redneck who wants a free iPhone 5, and the inevitable 3,000-foot drop when it lands at your doorstep. Try not to order anything breakable. Stick to stuff like styrofoam.
Bye!
No comments:
Post a Comment