DURING THE BATTLE FOR POPEHOOD, REBEL SPIES MANAGED TO STEAL SECRET PLANS TO THE EMPIRE'S ULTIMATE WEAPON, THE MOLESTATION COVER-UP, A SERIES OF CONFIDENTIAL EMAILS WITH ENOUGH POWER TO DESTROY AN ENTIRE RELIGION.
PURSUED BY THE CHURCH'S SINISTER CARDINALS, POPE FRANCIS THE FIRST RACES HOME ABOARD HIS POPEMOBILE, CUSTODIAN OF THE STOLEN EMAILS THAT CAN UN-BRAINWASH THE PEOPLE AND RESTORE FREEDOM TO THE WORLD...
Yeah, this is back. As you may remember, I've already written Gulf Wars Episode I: The Phantom Weapons of Mass Destruction, Episode II: Clone of the Attack, and Episode III: Re-hash of the S**t. And while this story doesn't really pertain to the war in Iraq whatsoever, I've been waiting for a good pun for A New Hope to come along for over a year now.
In fact, throughout my life, I've tried and failed to come up with a pun for A New Hope. And EVERY TIME, the only thing I could come up with was "A New Pope." But seeing as we haven't had a new pope for eight years, it was utterly useless. Which is why I'm writing this ASAP.
So yes, A POPE HAS BEEN CHOSEN!!! And he's from South America, or as Europe calls it, "The New World." Oh... s**t... "A New World" might have worked... F**K!!!
Pope Francis the first is Argentinian, making him the first Pope to be from the Americas. Still on the list: Antarctica. Anyway, we'll need to wait a while to find out exactly what his stances are on things like contraception and abortion, namely because no one has ever heard of this man before in their lives. And here's what pisses ME off: CNN announced the new Pope (God, I love saying those words together) practically SECONDS after white smoke rose from the Vatican's chimney. Which makes me wonder... is there some asshole in the bowels of CNN watching a live video feed of that f**king chimney while twiddling his thumbs?
I don't even care. Oh, and if you have some churchly aspirations in life, click THIS video to find out how to become pope.
Bye!
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