1) Brain aneurysms
2) Falling chunks of rock from the sky
3) The Kool-Aid Man
4) Gas explosions
5) Heart attacks
6) Terrorists
7) Predator drones, because for SOME reason, you're on the terrorist watch list.
And now we have SINKHOLES. In Florida, an enormous sinkhole opened to swallow some guy's house. As of this writing, he has been presumed dead, and the police have called off the search for him. So now you get to worry not only about being sucked in by the Earth itself, but also about being abandoned by your tax dollars at work.
Speaking of which, Congress has stalled for a little too long, and now the automatic spending cuts set to kick in on March 1st have gone into effect. It's called the sequester (write that down, kids), and it's a really, really dumb idea. Not even joking, that was the intent. Congress basically said "Gee, let's make sure that we get this s**t done by March by saying that if we DON'T, this really crappy idea will take effect." I have no doubt that this was the exact thought process.
Yes. But not here.
So now the sequester is going to put an enormous bird crap on the beautiful windshield of Obama's second term. And yes, that metaphor is trademarked. I don't find it at all surprising that Congress is now deliberately coming up with bad ideas... they've been doing it on accident for decades, so it was just a matter of time.
I'm getting off track from my sinkhole story here... have you noticed that every time something crazy like this happens, it's always in Florida? The bath salts incident, and now this... it seems as if every day, a headline says something like "FLORIDA MAN STRANGLED BY BOA CONSTRICTOR WHILE PLAYING PACHINKO." It's uncanny.
I'm glad I live here in California, where the only things we have to worry about are earthquakes. Oh... GOD DAMN IT!!! I have to add another f**king thing to my list...
Bye!
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