DGCHCFBHCJBJBHAJBFCJBJBFAHBACJBFBFBGB!!! So, what does it look like this year? Well, there's a lot of Bs, so B is the 'panic letter', or the letter that you select too much, then look back at your answer document and say "F**k, this can't be right." D and J are, as always, the 'hooks', meaning they're barely selected at all. Today's answers were from the ELA-9th Grade Version 2 test. And if you ask me why I do this, well...
I've been saving my STAR Test answers for years now to formulate a theorem to predict which letter comes next in the sequence. And surprisingly, there are some patterns. There's the 'back and forth', where it goes FBFBFB, designed to make you flip f**king s**t. There's the 'mirror', where the first two or three in a column will mirror the first two or three in the opposite column. And there's the 'God dammit', where it's something like AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF for friggin' forever.
But remember, these patterns are devised by sadistic teachers to trip you up and make you panic. I heard of a True or False test once where every question's answer was False. That's enough to make your head explode.
Of course, there's also the types of test takers you have to rely on. There's the TRY-HARD, who checks and double-checks their answers a thousand times before finally turning the test in, and doesn't care that they're the last f**king person to hand it in. This person usually ensures that you will have only a few minutes after the test to talk to people before the bell rings. There's the SNIFFLER, who makes small sniffles, sneezes, and coughs throughout the test and distracts the crap out of everyone. I blame the moron who put STAR Testing right in the middle of April. There's the SLACKER, who makes funny noises with his mouth and expects no one to notice. This guy ends up using his iPhone halfway through the test and gets suspended. And finally, we have the IDIOT, who bubbles all his answers in to form the outline of a penis.
I fall into none of these categories (I hope), but I know why most people do. For years, students thought that the STAR Test was the most important thing in their life, and if they didn't get 100% on it, they would get an F in the class. But the amazing thing is that the STAR Test doesn't actually affect your grade at all. It's a test for the school to see if the teachers are any good, and if the grades that the school is reporting are accurate. And so the teachers gave long, loooooong speeches about how the tests don't matter.
Well, some people really took that to heart, and now they've become YOLOing SWAGging morons who don't even try on the STAR Test. Which really sucks, because they end up bringing the overall score for the school down and lowering everyone's chances of getting into college. But I highly doubt that the league of converse-wearing, mouth-breathing, beer-drinking f**ktards really care about that anyway.
Bye!
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