Revolutionaries IV: The Curious Case of Benjamin Franklin

Yes, I'm still stuck in 1776. Big whoop. I can't comment on whatever news stories are going on right now, but I can hazard a guess: North Korea's got the bomb and we're all gonna die, Democrats and Republicans are arguing, and there is conflict in the Middle East. Did I call it? 

So yes, I made it to Philly just in time for the Fourth of July, as well as the first annual Philly cheesesteak cook-off. And guess what? THE FOUNDING FATHERS ARE F**KING ASSHOLES. When I told them that we would have to fight a civil war over slavery, Charles Pinckney said he "Didn't give a flying f**k", and Benjamin Franklin just sat there picking dirt out from under his fingernails. F**k this s**t, I'm done.

So I'm going to come BACK TO THE FUTURE soon, as long as I can locate my time machine. As you may recall, it's somewhere in Mexico (probably being covered in spikes and then driven into a horde of charging Spaniards).



I can't believe how unhelpful the founding fathers were. George Washington couldn't get anything done, as he was too busy picking splinters out of his gums. And we've based a COUNTRY on these morons. God damn it...

Today's School Truth: Taking a test in PE is like going on a bike ride in history class. Which reminds me, I have a history test this week, and I'm gonna ACE it now that I've invented a time machine. Think of the possibilities--- I can just go back in time and tell myself to study more!

Bye!