The Man Made of Awesome (aka ME)

Eeekoo chabba wa ki ki, eeku chabba pay co

Eevo lamma wa sti sti, meeku maaku mayko

Oh-KAY! That was random! As you recall, I'm trying to begin each and every one of my blogs a different way, so this was today's.

Here are some updates on previous stories:

My poem, 'I am Winter', got published in the California Poets in the Schools 2009 anthology, 'What the World Hears' (on bookshelves now for $14.99---- CHEAP!!!!! Sorry, that was a plug. I'm getting paid for it).

I am beginning a club: The IRULE Club. Open only to people who are made of awesome, like my godly self. Also, you must be very humble about it.

This is me. And IRULE!!!

Today's TOPICS OF INTEREST are the dorks who snuck into the White House, somehow breaking through all the security we set up around it. These two f***holes somehow evaded detection while they party crashed Obama's Indian dinner. Can we see a picture of the top CIA agents they were somehow able to avoid?

Um... yeah. That explains that. Of course, those of you born without a sense of humor may not know about Mad Magazine, a thing of huge awsomeness. Click HERE to access Mad's official site.

Bye!!!

The Technology Blog

Qwertyuiop. Hi! Amazingly enough, the first word I've used in this blog is today's brain tickler. Figure it out and you win 5 gallons of molten cheese.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is technology, or as Bush would say, 'The internets and

techno-ology'.

Some people think that our numerous technological devices are making us stupid and sucking away at our soul. Not only are those people amish whackjobs, but they are also ipod-hating fiends!

I read an article in 'The Week' that suggested that constant usage of GPS devices causes your hippocampus to shrink dramatically. GPS could, apparently, also be responsible for dementia and other mental illnesses. Of course, 'The Week' also put out an article about how lefties live longer than righties, and there was also one about cat geniuses who can flush toilets, or play Beethoven's ninth. The day we classify playing a symphony with flushing a toilet is the day I will leap off a cliff.

But, back to technology.

I just got a very awesome technological device at a garage sale for $20. I did feel a little ripped off, until I realized that the retail price was $139.99. Mwahahahahah!

It's a remote controlled tank that has a video camera on it. You look through special glasses attached to it and see whatever the tank is seeing. Plus, it can climb up people's legs and spin in a 360˚ circle.

Bye!

Going Vogue

RORSCHACH IS AWESOME!!!!

Rorschach is a #$%^ god! He's the leading character in Watchmen®, the greatest graphic novel ever, beaten only by Bone. Go out and buy this book! It's inappropriate for all ages! There's blood! Guts! Gore! Swearing! Some random guy gets shot with a grappling gun! And it can all be yours for only $39.95 at your local Barnes & Noble!

Ahhhhh, Watchmen®, how I love you.

Everyone, I was as amazed as you when Sarah Palin's book hit the shelves. It's incredible. I mean, shouldn't you at least read ONE book before you write one? Especially one titled 'Going Rogue: An autobiography of the dumbest f***ing jackhole on the face of the Earth'. Sorry, that last part was my addition.

It seems many Republicans have been coming out with books, such as Glenn Beck's 'Arguing With Idiots, and why I bother to argue with myself'. Again, I added something there. Want to guess what?

Also, I noticed a remarkable similarity between 'Going Rogue' and another famous Palin exploit, codenamed 'Going Vogue'. Do we still have a picture of that left over from one of my July blogs, 'Half-Baked Alaska'?

Nooooo! No, I must not look, or the image of this unspeakable evil shall be forever burned into my photographic memory!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

For some more anti-Palin/Beck/Limbaugh stuff, visit my page at Funny Times.com! Click HERE to see all the cartoons that I have ever done (on FT). Bye!!!

Get the random guy!!!

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh... I am in an evil mood. So evil, in fact, that my growls are red. Someone at my school, White Hill Middle School, won 100 bucks. Now, as you may remember, I can't say his name on this blog. But what I can say is...

Shake him down! Shake him down! Shake him down!!!!! Mug him!

Ahhhhh... I feel better already.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day--- unless it has A.M. and P.M.

Now we present... the legend of the wristbands! Everyone, I don't know if you've noticed, and in fact, I'm not sure if I haven't already told you this. But I've had a green wristband on for 5 years.

Until yesterday.

Some world-class jackass ripped it off. That's right, my wristband record is ruined. So, in the spirit of propaganda,

Get him! Get him! Get him!

Fortunately, my other wristband was on at the time, so now I have a new world record: Longest time to be in constant contact with rubber!

I still want that guy expelled, though.

And now, on a lighter note, here's a link!

Click HERE to play a wonderful game called Tanks.

Chase what matters: Chase Sapphire. Oh, $%^, you took over my title, too? Screw that!!!

Wsyurg. Helloooooo, children of the atom! Sorry, that was random. You see, I'm trying to start every one of my blogs a different way, so that was today's.

I have been working very, very, very hard on my Funny Times cartoons. As soon as I saw mine get published, I had to do it again. But lately I've realized: I never got paid, #$^& it!!! Now, the unfortunate thing is that I have no way of proving this. But, what the hell, I'll try anyway.

Oh, and I've started selling ad space on my blog. See?

Oh, and have you SEEN Chase Sapphire's #$%^ stupid new ad? What a sack of overgrown turds... fine. I have just been informed that ripping your sponsor is not politically correct---

YOUR AD HERE

@#$%^& that! Fine! I will stop selling ad space, beginning... NOW!

A contract is a contract. Seeya!

21 Bucks

GREEN DAY! Hi, people! I have a lot to announce today. Firstly, today's blog is in total green font to not only salute the greatest color ever, but as a tribute to the greatest BAND ever, Green Day! They created such awesome songs such as Know Your Enemy, 21 Guns, and American Idiot. My band, Vert Day, is a spoof on THEIR band. By the way, 'vert' means 'green' in french.

Due to Veteran's Day, my birthday party, and a huge swine flu epidemic (I will get you someday, villainous pigs!), I have not been able to blog for a while. So here are some story follow-ups.

_______ the Whacko is gone forever, deported to a hellish place known as San Fransisco. Me and my best friend, ______, had a look-back on his career as a world-class butthead, and then forgot him entirely.

My birthday party was a hit (as usual) and we went bowling (also as usual). My presents included:

A copy of Lego Star Wars 1

A copy of Spore

A copy of Green Day's hit CD, 21st Century Breakdown

A 'Clone Wars' T-shirt

And a 'how to draw graphic novels' book, all from my parents. From my friends;

A silvery glitter ball (ooh, magic glitter!), 3 boxes of Wonka Nerds®, and 21 bucks

A lego set

A gift certificate to Toy's R Us

The book 'Ender's Game' and a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble

Also, my band has written its first songs (Know Your [Japanese] Anime, 21 Bucks, and Mexican Idiot [not politically correct]). Here are the lyrics to 21 Bucks. You really have to know the tune, so click HERE to see the Green Day video of 21 Guns.

Do you know what the lotto pot was?

It was 21 million bucks

Do you know how many people won?

'Bout a million...

I couldn't believe my eyes

When a million suckers won the first prize

When those ping-pong balls came to a halt,

I was ruined...

I won, 21 bucks!

What a rip-off, holy crap

I won, 21 bucks!

This lotto was, totally fixed

I'm in ruins...

Plus, I bought 'bout five thousand tickets

That's five thousand bucks, right down the tubes

There's no way to get all that cash back,

I'm in debt now...

I still can't believe my bad luck

This whole lottery really sucks

It's the end of the world for me,

I'm in ruins...

I won, 21 bucks!

What a rip-off, holy crap

I won, 21 bucks!

This lotto was, totally rigged...

I'm in ruins...

My house was just foreclosed

Then my patio was bulldozed

My whole life is full of woes

And I'm feeling pretty d**n hosed

I am now some bum on a street

With no shoes and smelly feet

I should know that I've been beat

I'm in ruins...

I won, 21 bucks!

What a rip-off, holy crap

I won, 21 bucks!

This lotto was, totally rigged...

I won, 21 bucks!

What a rip-off, holy crap

I won, 21 bucks!

This lotto was, totally rigged

I'm in ruins...

Holy Canoodles!!!

I will try to keep this as brief as possible.

My 'Classic Conversation Stoppers' cartoon on Funny Times website was published in Funny Times magazine. Elephant Man (my stage name) has now achieved feats of unthinkable awesomeness.

Oh, and my B-day's in 6 days. Yay me!

Click HERE to see my entire archive of Elephant Man cartoons, courtesy of Funny Times' website. Go F.T.!!!!

Click HERE to see the specific cartoon that was published (it's the second to last one on that page).

Click HERE to access the Funny Times official homepage.

Click HERE to access the Funny Times cartoon playground, where you can create and (maybe) publish your own cartoon.

And click HERE to play free 'Asteroids' online! (Sorry, that was random).