Pollmaster General

A genius idea occurred to me in Science class today. We were sitting there, talking about other planets and why things weigh less or more on them, and it hit me: We should build a fat camp on the moon. Stupid fat people would go there, weigh themselves, and think that it had worked. It's an ingenious idea that would:

A) Move all the fat people to another planet.
B) Restore faith in our space program.
C) Make the US billions of dollars in revenue from stupid fat people trying to get skinny.

It's a foolproof plan. And the best part? We would keep them there for, like, a month. Then we would bring them back to Earth on a shuttle, and then they would realize that they had actually GAINED weight! Then they'd sign up for it again. It's a self-sustaining cycle of stupidity that could make us billionaires.


But I can't waste this entire blog post on a Moon Fat Camp, so I'll devote the rest of this mildly interesting post to something for more important: THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION!!!

As you may know, recent polls have found that Obama and Romney are virtually tied in almost all of the major swing states, meaning that we now must face the small yet real statistical possibility of the presidential election being tied. No, that doesn't mean that it'll come down to one guy in Barn Muffin, Ohio. It means that the ELECTORAL COLLEGE, the retarded system that we still use to decide the outcome of elections, might be split evenly.

It'll take a perfectly even split: The overall electoral votes of every state is 538 (you'll notice that that's an even number). Therefore, the idea we've been rolling with for 200 years is false: An election will not always be decided immediately. 270 is the magic number for a national majority, and it means that whoever gets 270 electoral votes or more wins automatically. But we could have a 269-269 split, where neither candidate gets the presidency.

But wait, there's more! If that were to happen, the House of Representatives would vote on which candidate becomes president. There's just one problem. Instead of every Representative getting a vote, every STATE gets a vote. This means that, although the House is assembled by population number, Wyoming's single congressman would get the same number of votes as all of California's.

You can just see that, can't you? The idiot would walk up to a mirror and say "Well, thank you all for coming. Let's get started. As you know, we are required to vote on the President of the United States. All for Romney say 'aye'. AYE! Well, that was conclusive! Romney wins by a stunning 100%!"

That means that, just because of the arbitrary lines in the sand that represent the state's borders, the dozens of crappy, underpopulated red states would outvote the few, highly populated blue states. But in an even more complex scenario, consider this: There are 50 states. Which means that there could conceivably be YET ANOTHER TIE! In a horrific situation like this, the Speaker of the House would become 'acting president' until the chambers could get their s**t together.

And what would the senate be doing meanwhile, you ask? They get to vote on the VICE president. Meaning that we could end up with President Romney and Vice President Biden. I'm sure we'd get stuff done then! And, of course, there are 100 senators, meaning that there could be another tie.

If something like this DOES happen, there will only be one upside--- Maybe we'll finally get around to reforming the ludicrous 18th century processes we have in place right now. But until then, who cares!

Bye!