10,000 years ago, there lived an ancient lord called The Frost King. The Frost King was a pure evil being who existed on the border between our reality and another dimension. He was able to manifest himself into a quasi-human form, but once he had done that, his followers revolted. They trapped The Frost King within a tomb made out of the ice he had once controlled.
Fast forward a few dozen generations. I am a direct descendant of The Frost King, which isn't as cool as you might think: it's like having Hitler as your great-grandpa. Anyway, Louis Gomez, my arch-rival (who I'm sure I've mentioned before), happens to be a minion of The Frost King, who can faintly communicate with him through his icy tomb. Gomez had a plan to resurrect The Frost King in a ceremony involving two important things:
One: The sacrifice of a descendant of The Frost King (guess who!)
Two: King Tut's 'Royal Scepter'. KING TUT'S PENIS!
At the Asian Art Museum today, I spotted Gomez in the crowd. He was scoping out the building, as if he was planning a break in.
He was. While we were inside, I looked into a hollow sculpture that was sitting in a glass case guarded by invisible lasers. There, sitting in the darkness, was the object I've sought for so long: King Tut's Penis
KING TUT'S PENIS! DUH, DUH, DUUUUUUUUUUUUH!!!
I couldn't get in without disrupting the laser beams, so I continued on with the tour. At that very moment, Gomez showed up, disguised as a museum guard. He channeled The Frost King's ancient powers and froze us all solid. He then smashed open the glass case, broke the terra cotta sculpture, and pulled out King Tut's elusive 'Egyptian Palm Tree'. He used it to teleport both of us to the north pole, where The Frost King was already beginning to stir within his icy tomb. If he escaped, a new ice age would begin, freezing all of mankind for eternity.
But I'm not about to let that happen. I'm a NINJA. I kicked Gomez upside the head, sending him back into a wall of ice, where he was enveloped into the wall, never to be seen again. I teleported myself back to the museum using the 'Missing Nile', but I forgot to set the year. I ended up in North America 10,000 years ago. The Frost King was reigning supreme. I helped his followers revolt against him, entombing him in ice and leaving him there forever. See how that all came full circle?
I then traveled back to the future, where I hid the 'Little Sarcophagus' in a Southeast Asian terra cotta sculpture where no one would find it. Finally, I returned to the museum and wiped the memory of everyone in the room. There is now no evidence.
Except this blog.
Bye!
The ancient lair of The Frost King.
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