CNN: Crudhead News Network.

Greetings, anti-CNN campaigners! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... you guessed it... CNN, the Crudhead News Network, or, as Rush Limbaugh calls it, the Clinton News Network. CNN is possibly the most %$*&(^@ news site ever, and I know %$*&(^@-ing news sites (I run one). Three or four days after Michael Jackson's death, CNN is still ga-ga over 'ooh, he died'. I think we all understand that by now! To drive my point home, here are some super-stupid CNN headlines:

Cornflake in the shape of Illinois: Barack Obama's home state--- an omen?

Kidney thieves in India- is there any hope?

Man calls 911 over food, gets arrested

Why the heck do we give a ^&%(, exactly? A cornflake shaped like Illinois? WHO CARES? Not like CNN is even the most trustworthy site even when they don't report horse &^*^. Here's an excerpt from one of their TV clips from Iran:

"Now, we haven't fact-checked this or done research on it, but we can guarantee that this is true"

^&%&^%&^ you. By the way, that expletive deleted was my own comment. CNN, if you're gonna write %^^* like that, then who's gonna listen to your crud anymore? Who'll visit your website if you can't guarantee that what you're reporting is totally factual? My blog'll get a bigger hit count than your website, for one. I'm getting sick and tired of your bogus reporting, so either start writing about real, important stuff, stop writing about five-legged cows, or go soak your head. The stuff you're reporting is total bull. And also, I've got the same irks about NBC...

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Easiest Twenty Bucks I Ever Made.

Blahblahblahhootchywawa. Hi, everyone! I'm trying to start off each new blog in a new way, so this was today's. I have a superduper amazing story, so here it is.

People, before I begin, I've gotta say that I'm not really Mr. Honest. I stole 300 bucks from dad's dresser (but gave them back). I swindled him out of 10 bucks when I sold him a drawing of mine. I forced him to pay me 40 bucks that he owed me fair and square (not exactly the fair part, but you get my point). And just today I got 20 easy smackaroonies off of him.

We had gone over to Santa Rosa to buy a bed for our guest room when we realized we had only $60 (the bed was $100). We bummed around looking for an ATM when finally, dad got a carton of milk from a store (which I immediately drank) and he got $40 cash back. We went over to the guy with the bed, but somehow mom lost $20. We were panicking, but luckily I had $20 in my pocket.

Here's what really happened.

Everything there was true up until the 'mom lost 20 dollars' part. In reality, she had been helping me get the bed into the Izuzu 'Trooper' when I noticed she was holding a 20 dollar bill. Naturally, I grabbed it, expecting an 'oh, Graham, stop it'.

Instead, she said 'alright, the bed looks OK. Let's go'.

Now I was wondering if she was just messing with me, but she didn't seem to even mind. I was getting scared for her sanity when I heard mom say:

'Oh, darn it. I thought I had another 20 in here. How'll we pay for the bed?!?!'

And at that moment, I activated that patented SuperGraham genius that never fails and worked everything to my total advantage.

I came up and said 'oh, mom, I found a 20 in my pocket--- but you owe me $20'.

Dad says 'Yesssssssssssss! I can get my bed!'

Mom says 'Yesssssssssssss! He can get his bed!'

I stand there rolling my eyes.

On the way back, Dad is acting a little skeptical. He says to mom, 'what the he!! happened to your twenty bucks?!?!?!?' Mom says she must've dropped it, and that's when I spoke up.

I told them that I had rigged the whole thing from the very beginning. Mom and dad were both amazed. And so mom payed me 20 bucks for a job well done...

and very easily done, I might add.

Bush screwed up.

Sorry, no topic o' interest today. But tomorrow I'll be tearing into CNN like a wolverine into warm swiss cheese. Bye!

Random junk--- cool!!!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I'm HECKA wet!!!!! I just had a totally killer water gun fight with dad. I hid in the bushes for ten minutes and finally jumped out and mopped the floor with him (aka I got him by surprise). He ended up taking his shirt off to warm up, which is saying something, 'cause it's 100+ degrees and we're boiling up.

The new brain tickler is: it it's all. Not exactly my easiest.

Time for 'what the heck is wrong with you?!?!?!' Our town hall decided to renovate/demolish a hillside to create a concrete condo for 12 million smackaroonies. Unfortunately, we live in California, the biggest in-debt countr- er.. state there is. So now, we have a 1/8th finished cement construction on our hillside, displaced wildlife, and a totally ruined hill. Through all this, me and five other guys were.. um... NEVER MIND THAT! Some guys were spray painting the project with things like 'Have you no shame?' and.. uh.. 'What the heck is wrong with you?' They were obviously very smart.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is the current state of governors. They're hecka going down the drain. Here's a list of who and why.

-Rod Blagojevich, a %&% moron who tried to sell Obama's empty senate seat after he became prez. He was caught and ejected.

-Eliot Spitzer, a totally whacked out butthead who cheated on his wife and resigned a week after the press release.

-Sarah Palin, who, through the course of McCain's campaign, messed up, tripped up, and generally acted like a moron. In fact, the only reason McCain picked her was because she would give him the 'making history' edge that Obama had. She practically lost McCain the election. Here's a list of all the mess-ups she did:

The 'Hockey mom' incident.

The 'Lipstick' incident.

The 'Joe the Plumber' incident.

The 'Moose hunter' incident.

The 'I can see Russia from my house' incident.

The 'I'll get back to you' incident.

The 'Dinosaurs lived with people' incident. (Not true, but still didn't help).

The 'Bristol' incident.

The 'Elitist' incident.

She messed the $^$ up.

-Arnold Shwarzenegger... oh, do I even need a reason?

-Mark Sanford---I didn't know the Appalachian trail went all the way to Buenos Aires.

-Bobby Jindal of Louisiana. If you want to talk to preschoolers, get on 'Mister Rodger's neighborhood'.

I hope you found this very explicit. Thanks!

Transformers: Movie Deals in Disguise.

Heyo, crazy peoples! I saw the Transformers movie yesterday, and it was almost, if not, better than Star Trek. The guy who EERTEERTEERT BIG SPOILER ALERT sucked up all that sand (and one of the twins) was totally awesome. I looked up on Wikipedia; his name is Devastator. The Fallen, as I kept telling mom, is a guy. It does NOT refer to the Decepticons. The opening sequence of battles was TOTALLY FREAKIN' AWESOME, MAN!!!!! SPOILERS END HERE.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is my kitten. Today, I was lying in bed when suddenly, I hear this 'Live long and prosper' from above my head. I look up and there's P-nut, who's totally freaked out! Then I noticed he had bumped my talking Spock bobblehead. He then proceeded to catch a mosquito eater in his mouth. I could hear it buzzing in his cheek. And with that disgusting thought in your mind, I say goodbye until my next blog, when I'll give out the new brain tickler.

Clone Wars crud

Hi, guy-men-people persons! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Star Wars: The Clone Wars. Practically everyone I know (and like) is totally psyched about Season Two. Because Lucas and ILM (Industrial Light and Magic) are hushed up about it, here's what I've heard so far.

1). After complaints that Ahsoka Tano's outfit is 'too revealing', Lucas decided to give her a 'commando suit', just like Anakin's.

2). Bounty Hunter Cad Bane will be working solo from now on; he steals a jedi holocron in an episode called 'Cargo of Doom' with no assistance. The holocron supposedly contains the names of force sensitive children.

3). In the second episode, called 'The Holocron Heist', Bane and Darth Sidious use the names in the holocron to create a sith army on Mustafar.

4). Ahsoka is captured by Bane when she is electrocuted by a trap he set.

Who knows how much of this is true? I sure do.

In response to the brain tickler, the answers are: Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Armenia, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Moldova, United Arab Emirates, Eritrea, Burkina Faso, Cote D'ivore, Equatorial Guinea, South Africa, Lesotho, Andorra, Singapore, The Vatican, San Marino, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Vojvodina, Serbia, Macedonia, Dominica, Antigua, St. Vincent, Seychelles, Maldives, Mauritius, Solomon Islands, Czech, Slovakia, Vanuatu, Kiribati, Micronesia, Marshall Islands, Tonga, Samoa, Brunei, Montenegro, and East Timor. They missed a LOT.

So, if you got 15 or more of these, pat yourself on the back--- you won!

THE ONES HE SAID THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE.

Here are the countries that aren't countries anymore. Also, some never were countries.

Scotland, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia, 'both' Yemens, Zaire (now The Democratic Republic of The Congo), Greenland, Guam, The Caribbean, Transylvania, and Puerto Rico.

Day Three...

We woke up the next morning and left the ^&*&^* town. But first, we got some photos of our hotel. It was actually an OK hotel. We returned to another roadway nightmare, ending up taking a pit stop at a Starbucks. The whole trip was, in all, weird. To debate its merits, I am joined by my dad. Dad?

The trip was, well, a car trip with a hike in the middle. But what a hike! A three hour hike at 8000 feet with a volcanic mountain above you, snow underfoot, steaming sulfuric pots, and a donut in the pack. Along with some water of course. My only disappointment was that the mud pots weren't very active, but that's okay. I was also surprised that some people were attempting to make this hike in sandals and shorts -- while others had hiking gear, trekking poles, food and water. Guess which ones made it to Hell. All-in-all, a great trip!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaah, dad. I now call that... Nightmare... at 8,000 Feet!!!!!! (a rip-off of The Twilight Zone's 'Nightmare at 20,000 feet'). We got home, and I blogged this blog. That's it!

Day Two...

On day two, we drove for an hour to Mt. Lassen. We were headed to a trail called Bumpass Hell (pronounced 'Bump-ASS Hell). We took only a few donuts to the trail. It was coated in slippery snow and rocks. We saw a frozen-over lake and I broke my walking stick in half, but we made it to the volcanic sulfur pits of Mt Lassen (which, by the way, is a volcano). I know you'll say 'oh, come on, you didn't really do that', so here is photographic proof. That face I'm making is in response to the acidic rotten-egg smell of the sulfur. The snow I threw in melted instantly and began to steam. Steam and explosions rocked the surface. The ground was so hot that we were told to stay only on the wooden walkway. The top photo is a pic of it.

Our return hike was harder because it was uphill. I slid down most of the way, but up proved harder. I was slipping and sliding and screaming all over the place. We drove through the park and back to the hotel. After the incident with the previous restaurant, we ate the fine mini-pizza cuisine, watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, and fell asleep.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Day One...

I have returned from my... fascinating trip. Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is my three-day vacation... Day One.

On the first day, I ended up in the car at 8:24 for around three freakin' hours with my dad's 'Beatles' CD blasting 'Maxwell's Silver Hammer'. Listening to that ^$^&%$&)(-ing song for that long was enough to drive me batty. We got to the hotel and checked in. It was pretty nice; we got fresh-baked cookies from 7:00 to 4:00 and a pool and cable and free breakfast and a mini bar and... etc.

We got up to our room on the second floor and after some trouble with the key, we got in, collapsed, watched cable TV for a half an hour, and then went to the Lake Shasta Dam. I will pause my heartbreaking tale of woe to show you some select pictures from this d*mn dam.

After returning from our dam adventure, we got the concierge' to tell us the names of some good places to eat. The first place, a Mexican joint, smelled terrible. The second place was a Denny's, which we didn't even go into. The last one was purely bad, but we ate there anyway, seeing it was better than 'Hal's Eat-'Em-Up'.

We returned to our room and watched 'Ocean's Eleven' on TV along with some 'Seinfeld' and 'Friends' re-runs. We fell asleep, knowing full well that the next day was going to be better than the first.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Lassening...

Hey, guys. I just went over to a great party at one of my follower's houses last night. I ate hot dogs, had a water gun fight, and watched 'Ninja Warrior' on TV.

I won't be able to blog for the next couple of days 'cause me and my dad are going to Mt. Lassen, CA. If I am able to blog, it'll be by way of me eMailing a written blog to mom so she can post it at home. Bush really sucks.

The answer to the brain tickler will be revealed the day I return! And with that, I say today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is...... Lassen. I'll get some pics of our trip up when I get back.

I'm in a Rassa-Frackin' mood...

&^&(&. Hi, everyone. I just looked at my Wookieepedia article and someone has completely demolished it. All my work was for practically nadda.

But, to prove what a good sport I am, I'll skip all that and talk about today's....TOPIC OF INTEREST! Today's merges itself with my other features. Let's begin with MASTER PLAN. That's right, today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is my MASTER PLAN FOR NORTH KOREA!!!! This guy, Kim Jong Ev-il, is a complete @$$. He has got to be kicked the heck out. My plan is to send some fearless assassins (might I suggest Elvis, Yoda, Nixon, and King George, even though most of them are rumored to be dead) to assassinate Kim from the mountains of North Korea. Simple as that. If you remember my comic strip, THE IDIOT MENAGERIE, my characters once did this very thing, where they marched through Northern Siberia in an escapade we now call LAWRENCE OF SIBERIA. However, seeing how that turned out, we should probably resort to less drastic measures. Oh, and they could also throw in the 'Care Bears' and Whinnie the Poo with the rest of the assassins. Not that Darth Vader and Spock couldn't help out too.

This brings us to my final feature: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?! What is wrong with that Kim Jong Il guy? The stupid freakasaurus rex! By the way, that could be another new word.

In other news, a Fly family has been in disarray for the past few days since President Obama smashed their great-great-great-great grandfather, who had a long and prosperous life. For a fly. In only five and a half hours of life, the man became the most famous fly ever and great-great-great-great grandfather to over 5,682,234,964 children and adults. This, of course, ruins Obama's campaign policy of 'I would never hurt a fly'. Hmmmm? What was that, computer? I have just been told by my new computer that that fly was actually a secret agent fly, who was sent to guard the president. The fly knew the dangers of his job, one of them being Obama's reflexes. As any Rabid Republican would say, 'He should go to jail for murdering that poor, poor------'

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE STAND BY.

I have just been informed that asking a president to be jailed for murdering a fly... is illegal. We will make sure no Republicans use this as leverage. Hear that, Mr. Limbaugh?

Bye!

The Survey Winner... Drumroll, please.

Hey, people! I don't like blogging twice in one day, but I need to give my survey results. Here goes.

As you may remember, my survey question was 'What should be the millionth word in the English language?'. The choices were:

Rassa-Frackin', a word which means several baaaaaaad words together.

Oosgangwawa, a word which means 'relating to the thin connection between toothpaste and pasta'.

Chlubmubbadoo, a word which means 'may lotus plants and cinder blocks fall upon your tuckus, brother.'

Irripadezz, a word which refers to the country of Kistipolistan.

And finally, Siglubbachev, a word which refers to the republic of Kissmyassistan (pronounced Kiss-my-ASS-i-stan)

And the winner is... RASSA-FRACKIN'! I hereby DEMAND that this word is added into the English dictionary of 2009! And if you don't... then, well... Chlubmubbadoo to you!

As an after note, I think that Kissmyassistan would've won if it was a possible word to be chosen. Also, the other words will be added into the English language in this order:

#1,000,001: Oosgangwawa

#1,000,002: Siglubbachev

#1,000,003: Chlubmubbadoo

#1,000,004: Irripadezz

Add these words into the computer databases and dictionaries! Goodbye.

The Valley Blog

Hi, like, y'know? I, like, got dared by one of my friends to, like, do all of today's blog in, like, valley girl talk, y'know? But, for all our sanity, I think it would be best if I chickened out on this one. I owe you five bucks, James.

I need to clear up some controversy. A few days ago, my mom decided to become a follower. This blog site remembered this computer as my own, so that's why my second follower has the same identification picture as mine.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Youtube, and specifically, a video called 'Charlie the Unicorn'. A few months back, my friends told me about 'this cool video that you've GOT to check out'. I did. That was the biggest mistake of my life.

Charlie the Unicorn SUCKS. I mean this big time. Those squeaky voices cut into my soul like a butcher's knife into warm swiss cheese. Watch it at your own risk. God help you if you decide to watch it just because of this warning. This is the most serious I ever have gotten on this blog.

I hope to heck you decide to avoid it like a flea-infested Ewok. Please. Do not watch this evil, evil video. Consider yourself officially warned.

Wookiepedia: The Star Wars Wiki

Aloha, people who are wasting their time reading someone else's blog! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is... (drumroll, please). WOOKIEEPEDIA! I told you all about Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wikipedia, a couple weeks back. I have now discovered the way to edit and revise all the articles! If you'd like to view the article I've slaved over for the past two days, type in on good ol' Wookiee: Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Official Episode Guide: Season 1. I have been fact checking (no, not fat checking), adding links, doing drafts, and even trying to write a page on Jedi Master G Veidt, who does not exist. G Veidt, however, is an extensively cloaked and disguised version of my name. Anyway, on this article you will see a list of characters: I added in Count Dooku and everything below 'Ziro Desilijic Tiure'. On the Droid Models list, I added in everything below R2-series astromech droid, and on Sentient Species I added in all of the ones below Yoda's Species. I also added in the whole planets section and everything below 'lightsaber' under Weapons & Technology. I've been hecka busy.

For the brain tickler, by the way, here's a word that'll help you out with a TON of the countries: Kazakhstan.

Bye!

The first TOPIC OF INTEREST

Hi, people! I'd like to introduce a new feature: TOPIC OF INTEREST! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is all those &%&%&^%$^)(* government bail-outs to those failed banks. They could simply fail on purpose and clean up. (not like mopping up, but making cash).

Well, my point is is that AIG could blow up in all our faces and become AAAAAAAIGGGGGG!!!

Speaking of which, I now have three new features: TOPIC OF INTEREST and MASTER PLAN are the first two. Yesterday we saw my MASTER PLAN FOR IRAN. Anything I can do to help out that country's elections. Oh, well, I hope it turns out all right... but that brings me to the third feature: WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?! Today we will be speaking of two wonderfully stupid dictators: Mahmud Ahkmudinujad (or whatever) and Kim Jong Il. Mahmud is a bit of a lunatic psycho and... uh... so is Kim, but the point is is that they really deserve each other: both rule with an iron fist, both are totalitarian dictators and both want to blow up you and me. Oh, and both belong in an insane asylum.

Smell ya later!

THE MASTER PLAN FOR IRAN

I have been hearing a lot on the news about the 'leader' of Iran, Mahmmuhd Ahmmudinajad (or however you spell that crazy guy's crazy name). This guy is a total $^*##ing moron. He's one of those 'bomb america blah blah blah' crazy guys. And now he's declared that he won the latest Iranian election. Intelligent people are totally %^&^ at him, and now there's a huge protest going on in Iran. Solution? THE MASTER PLAN FOR IRAN, my superduperawesome plan of awesomeness which will take all those &^&^*&%ing idiot guys who support Mr. Mahmmuhd and him, too, and put them on some desert island in the middle of the ocean while all the nice Iranians sit back and enjoy a pleasant cup of chocolate milk.

The new brain tickler is: Step 1: go to youtube. Step 2: type in 'anamaniacs' and watch the first video that comes up. It should involve some idiot mouse guy running around singing all the countries in the world. This video was made a long time ago so many countries are missing, so figure out which ones they are.

The Grand Republic of Kissmyassistan

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL-- YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blabba- shnabba zipper-ips-pang!!!! Zorguva shlabba doo! Izzer-plizzer plummerdizzer! That was planned. I just got home and watched two back-to-back Clone Wars episodes. They should have action figures of Cad Bane and the Trandoshan guy who steals R-2. I will now have mucho more time to blog. I heard that the millionth word in the english language will be the newest one as soon as someone makes one up, so I will do so now: please vote on which one I should make the millionth word in the english language:

Rassa-frackin', a word(?) that means the 'f ' word, the 'c' word, the 's' word, the 'a' word, the other 'c' word, the 'h' word, the 'd' word, the 'p' word, another 'c' word, the 'd' word and the 'flakkajakka' word. The last one was uncalled for.

Oosgangwawa, a word(?) which means 'relating to the thin connection between toothpaste and pasta'.

Chlubmubbadoo, a word(?) which means 'may lotus plants and cinder blocks fall upon your tuckus, brother'.

Irripadezz, a word(?) which refers to the country of Kistipolistan, which does not exist.

and finally, a word which refers to the republic of Kissmyassistan: Siglubbachev.

This survey will be added soon. Bye!

The first guest bloggers...

Hi, peoples! I haven't been able to blog much recently because our keyboard had run out of juice. I want to upload more pics, which I will probably do tomorrow. Today we have a special guest system on my blog: three people who are right now visiting our house will write a paragraph on this blog (if they want to). First will be my aunt:

Yo Graham, You are the greatest kid in the nerd world. Govinda hare purusha Rama Jai Ma! Love from your Auntie....

No, I did not write that. I do, however, agree. Next is my Grandpa, who recently had carpal tunnel surgery and can't type, so I will have him dictate to me.

Sempre Fie! (always faithful, the motto of the marines)

And my Grandpa's friend, Sally... dictate away!

I don't know what to say, honey.

Alright, alright. I'll simply send in this wonderful blog. Off we go to lunch!