The Great Democratic People's Republic of North Korea

Another day, another threat of global nuclear war from North Korea. Kim Jong Un doesn't seem to have been calmed down any by his bro Dennis Rodman, and now they've gone back on the armistice of 1953 that they signed with South Korea. This is a harrowing turn of events, but we're only seeing one side of it. And you know that, as a blogger, I have always tried to see all sides of an issue before making an informed and intelligent decision.

LOL no. But I will today. Because I have gotten in touch with AN ACTUAL NORTH KOREAN NEWS REPORTER!!! His name is Kuarigamisamasan, and he's the only person you can talk to in order to get an accurate record of life within the hermit kingdom. Here's his firsthand account of what things are really like in North Korea. Take it away, K!

In Great, Powerful, Shining, and Glorious People's Republic of North Korea, all of the subjects of the Great, Powerful, Shining, and Glorious leader Kim Jong Un are well cared for and happy. We are well fed and there are no rampant food shortages as the western medias would have you think. Please desist in asking.

Great People's Republic of North Korea is ready at any time to join hands with trifling and misled south to engage in free exchange of idea, including but not limited to Glorious Nature of Kim Jong Un, nuclear weapon generic product factories, and food please.

  
BOW DOWN BEFORE THE INCREDIBLE POWER OF SYNCHRONIZED MARCHING!!!

DPRK is very prosperous, and our economy can be seen growing from space it is that large! Thousands of world leaders flock to DPRK to learn world politic from great leader Kim Jong Un. DPRK also possesses the most breathtaking and glorious hills, trees, and puddles the world has to offer!

Be warned however: DPRK is also in possessment of glorious and mighty nuclear weapon launchers! Our nuclear weapons measure many thousands of units on global standard for measuring radiation. We are also in possessment of state-of-art delivery system for bringing payload directly to capitals of many world countries across the world! 

Well, I'm gonna cut him off there, but you get the general idea. North Korea is even worse than we thought. And for those of you who think that I've been overusing this typewriter-font thing, I have two words for you: NOT CARING.

Today's Doodlebook quote: #8: After six years of Spanish class, all you will remember is 'Me gusta.'

Bye!