California Love, Baby!

I'm so good at guessing square roots, it's scary. My homework was really convoluted, so I thought it would make it easier if I just randomly picked a number and check my work. I was literally right 85% of the time. 169? 13. 784? 28. 225? 15. I kicked some serious butt.

Me and my friends were sitting in the library when we started talking about where we'd be in 15 years. One of them said he'd be a DP (director of photography). It took me a while to think of what I'd be doing, though. At first, I thought I'd be in a Jeep driving across the Siberian wasteland hunting Nazi zombies on a covert CIA mission (I've played too much COD: Black Ops). But then I realized where I'd be: Living in a 1967 VW camper van in a parking space on a beach in Malibu, California. I'd park right next to the public shower and the bathrooms, plus the water fountain. There, I'd draw cartoons and sell them to an editor for 400 bucks a pop. Also, I'd get tan on the beach, surf, and play poker at night with my friends David Letterman, Conan 'O Brian, and Warren Beatty.

Then we started annoying my other friend by saying he'd grow up to be a bra salesman. I think it would be the perfect job for him, but he wants to be Scarlett Johannson's personal masseuse.

He has pretty high aspirations.

Bye!

Know When to Hold 'em and Know When to Fold 'em

I've begun playing poker with my parents, a little tradition founded three days ago on Thanksgiving. I won five bucks off my dad, then five more. I feel so rich.

I've begun giving out loans, although nobody's really taken me up on it. One of my friends owes another friend twenty bucks, so it won't take long until he caves to my 150% pay-back rate. I'm so evil.

I was sitting in bed the other day when I had an epiphany. Pros and cons are opposites, right? Well, if pro is for and con is against, is Congress the opposite of progress?

OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND???

I called the White House (202-456-1414, don't forget to add the one at the beginning), and I told the receptionist my theory. She didn't buy it. I said I was on to something, and then she hung up.

I swear, the people I have to deal with.

Bye!

Camaro. Need I Say More?

First, let us all bid farewell to the doomed campaign of Elephant Man, a candidate for CA governor who was invented by me. He lost in a landslide to our new governator-in-chief, Jerry Brown. At least that's something--- Meg Whitman was an *******.

But let's not speak of... um... other things that happened during that election. I'm in too much pain already. Let's talk about an interesting event I recently went to...

THE SF CAR SHOW!!!

Me and my dad went for three reasons: One: So I could finally get inside a Chevy Camaro. Two: It's right across the GG Bridge and it's very, very cheap. Three: My grandpa's old Ford pickup has died at long last, and he needs a replacement. He won't buy any kind of car but a Ford. He doesn't even like Chevy or Chrysler. This makes him hard to shop for. But we're considering a Ford F-150. Creative car names, as usual.

I am actually better at COD than I thought. Case in point: I got a 12-kill streak (12 kills in a row) on one of my friends. Now, this was, of course, at someone else's house. That's because I don't have an X-box. And seeing as Christmas is coming up, I'm pulling out all the stops. I've got skywriters, posters, flyers, cartoons, cable channels, radio stations, and, of course, blogs all spreading the word that I NEED AN X-BOX 360 AND I NEED IT NOW.

Tell all your friends.

Bye!

COD: BO

Well, I just played Call of Duty: Black Ops for the first time, and it's the most incredible game ever. Unlike other COD games, you start out with ALL the guns. It's epic. I have a class with a mini uzi and dual pythons for my secondary. This would never have happened in CODMW2.

Today's pearl of anti-wisdom: school teaches you how to know, not how to think.

WHOOO!!! An ultimate quotable line! And I made it up!!! Yessss!

Oh, and today's stock tip: BUY HASBRO. In just a few years, it's gone up from $18 to $47. I'm a BILLLIONARRRE!!!!!!

No, not really. I didn't invest. But still, anything goes with this stock! It's like THUNDERDOME! Wait... this tip reminds me of something... what is it, what is it...

Oh, yesss... the Cramer.

Better change the subject.

Okay, here's a few links: Click HERE for the website where you can watch any Seinfeld episode, click HERE for an incredible human ventriloquist act, and click HERE for the online Tetris site I use, where I recently got 70,095 points!!! Whee!!!

Bye!

Stabbed in the Beck

I was watching The Daily Show the other day and I saw an incredibly funny clip of Glenn Beck being a moron. He stood up, talking about Obama's Asian trip, when he started spouting off all these made-up numbers, for instance "He'll have an entourage of 3,000, and the trip will cost 2 billion dollars". Smart. Really. He then said "Are these figures correct? I don't know". The White House then corrected him in a press conference.

I was sick yesterday on my birthday (sniffle) after I puked all over the place. 'Nuff said. Anyway, I got to sit in bed, delirious and seeing purple elephants everywhere while I watched old Seinfeld episodes off my computer. For the presents, I scored $190 in all, plus a new watch, three Doonesbury books, a Barnes and Noble gift card, and a clock radio with CD and iPod capabilities. I correctly guessed every single one of them. My parents thought I was either psychic or I had peeked.

I'm just psychic.

Bye!

Birthdays: You make me feel so old

I am currently having an awesome birthday party with my two best friends. They're currently watching a COD: Black Ops demo behind me on the couch. I kicked their butt at bowling and then one of them kicked everyone's butt at poker.

Then we played some racing games at the arcade and I used an awesome silver camaro with decals. I came in third!!! Whoo!

I don't know if I've gotten the chance to tell you this, but this is the most awesome car ever. In the game, it has some sort of hydrogen power that you use by hitting the gas twice really fast. My dad used a Pontiac Solstice and he lost. Wheee!

Then we came back and discussed our companies (Vertco, Shmuffco®, and Nacho Industries®) and made an awesome list of all our products. Camaro kicks ass.

Then I used a vending machine to get a voodoo doll, and we spent the rest of the time sticking pins in it. We watched Karate Kid, and now we're just sitting around so I decided to blog.

Oh, and at the end of the poker game, my dad put in five bucks and I put in the joker card, which I said represented my soul. Then my friend won and, apparently, I'm now under his chemical control.

I need to get that card back.

Bye!