A Massive Splat on the Windshield of Offshore Drilling Credibility

Hi, everyone! Judging by my abnormally long title, I'm sure you can assume that today's blog will be about the Gulf Oil Spill, or 'GulfWatergate'. Everyone in the country is divided over this issue, especially Democrats and Republicans, who go together like oil and water anyway. (Sorry, that was an awful pun).

Anyway, GulfWatergate is spreading faster and causing more destruction than my Swamp (see previous blogs for an explanation). And BP, being the crude morons that they are (sorry, another bad pun), have failed numerous times over to successfully plug up the oil tube and therefore stop the oil being pumped into the gulf. Instead, those BP city slickers (another bad pun) have allowed thousands of barrels of oil to be launched into the gulf every day. At this rate, the spill will reach North Korea before we stop it. At that point, we can call it Kim Jong Spill. Okay, fine, I'll stop the bad puns.

But seriously, this oil slick is expanding incredibly fast, an the incompetent bunglers at BP have not been able to stop it. I know this is important, because Wikipedia already has an article about it (click HERE for the Wiki article on the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill).

On a lighter note, only eight more days of school!

WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YESSSSSS! TRIUMPH!

Sorry, I just had to do that.

Bye!

Randumb Stuff...

Hello, somewhat loyal followers! I've got a lot of stuff to say, but first I want to clear up any nasty assumptions about a certain incident yesterday at around 4:00.

Using 'command c' to copy it and 'command v' to paste it, I ended up with the popular computer game, Robokill, as a post on my blog for about fifteen minutes. After numerous threats of legal action against me, I instantly deleted it.

Oopsy doopsies.

Anyway, even though I can't put Robokill on my blog directly, I can at least give you a link:

Robokill

Now, moving on, a lot of people have been asking me if the previous images in my blog before this one are actually real photos of my desk, aka The Swamp (an evil, demented mess of papers and files that no one has the guts to clean up). Well, they are. Those are real images of The Swamp. Scary, no?

Unfortunately for The Swamp, I am forced to clean it out. I don't really WANT to kill it, but I have to.

Bye!

First Images of the Evil, Destructive Swamp, Via NASA Satellite Images

THIS IS THE REAL SWAMP. THESE IMAGES WERE NOT DOCTORED IN ANY WAY OR RETRIEVED OFF OF THE WEB. THIS IS THE REAL DEAL.

Leekar Nikkolonian

TA-DAAAAH! After months of putting my brain to the grindstone, I have discovered how to upload images of my characters onto this blog! Here is a pic of one of my personal favorites, Resident Idiot Leekar Nikkolonian. WHOOO-HOO! Remember, you can enlarge it by clicking on it.

Bye!

P.S.--- click HERE for Matt Bors's online gallery of incredibly funny cartoons.

X-Boxing...

Wow. I mean WOW. Friday was an incredible day. Here's the whole story.

On Wednesday, one of my friends invited me over to his house to play Call of Duty on his X-Box. However, his mom got sick, so we couldn't go over there. We decided to have him and my two other friends just come over to my house

to hang out, but since I don't have a video game system, it would've been lame-o.

When I got to school on Friday, my friend's mom had not gotten better. We were all totally bummed, but that's when I had the genius idea to bring the X-Box over to MY house and play it here. One of my friends loaned me his phone, I

made a few calls, and SHAZAM! We were in business.

Me and one of my friends got off at my bus stop. We hung out for five minutes while my other two friends got the X-Box and were driven over to my house. We set up the X-Box in about five minutes, hooked up the cords, logged on, and began to play.

This was awesome. All of us had been incredibly annoyed by the fact that we couldn't play the X-Box, and now we all could. When one of my friends had to go, I went on a TOTAL KILLING SPREE, and massacred practically everyone.

Oh, fun.

Bye!

Trouble With Turtles

Ello, loyal-ish followers! I was going to make this blog part of my previous blog, Ironic Man 2: The Spoilers, but I REALLY wanted to use both that title and the title of this blog. So, without further ado, here's my entirely true story about a turtle!

I was walking around Lake Lagunitas, when I found some random turtle sitting in the middle of the fire road. I was about to pick him up and move him, when a group of Incredibly Stupid People®. They consisted of:

-A little girl who wanted to touch the turtle

-Some dumbbutt who thought he was in a desert

-Some guy who reminded dumbbutt guy that he was in a forest by a lake

-Some old fart and his wife, who kept talking about their turtle, Pete

-A lady who thought that the turtle was a tortoise

-And some lady who wore massive sunglasses and acted completely oblivious to the turtle's fate.

These seven idiots kept arguing and arguing over what to do with the frickin' turtle. I just wanted to take him and put him by the edge of the lake. But NOOOOO, these idiots kept arguing and making incredibly stupid points. The little girl wanted to keep him, the old fart rambled on and on and on about his turtle, while his wife repeatedly asked "How old is Pete, again?". Finally, I just grabbed the stupid turtle and put him in a little stream.

Well, dumbbutt guy and tortoise lady started saying "Hey, he needs to go back to the desert, he's a tortoise", and old fart guy kept saying "I miss Pete", and the little girl started whining that she still wanted the turtle. I wanted to just yell 'SHUT THE **** UP!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M IN CONGRESS!!!"

Well, the turtle escaped, and the idiot squad dispersed. But I will never forget the feeling of being the only person with a clue as to what was going on.

I don't know whether to feel good about myself or scream.

Here's a pic of the turtle.

Ironic Man 2: The Spoilers.

'Ello, everyone! Today's blog needs to be short, but I also need to use a few features...

First off, I went to see Iron Man 2 yesterday with my three best friends, and it was way more awesome than the first one. So, it's time to use my favorite feature, ERT ERT ERT BIG SPOILER ALERT!!! This is where I give a movie review written in invisible ink. Highlight the following white space to see my review of Iron Man 2, which may or may not include spoilers... you never know.

ERT ERT ERT BIG SPOILER ALERT!!!

Iron Man 2 was much better than its predecessor. In it, some russian dork is imitating Iron Man by creating his own Iron Man suit, plus electo-whip thingys. In a substory, Tony Stark's (Iron Man's) artificial heart is actually turning his blood to poison. However, he creates a new element to save himself.

The other main bad guy is Justin Hammer, some idiot who thinks that his buddy, the aforementioned russian dork dude, is perfect to build some drones that would make Iron Man technology obsolete, thereby making Justin the most powerful/richest/famous/evil guy alive. Iron Man and his new sidekick blow the stupid drones up, and then use their hand-lazer things to blow up russian dork dude, and then Justin gets arrested.

Oh, and there's some 25-year-old girl in a skintight spandex, so now you know what my friend _____ will dream about tomorrow night.

SPOILERS END HERE.

Tune in in a few minutes for another blog I need to do about something else.

Oh, and here's an incredibly funny picture of Tony Stark getting hammered in the Iron Man suit:

And on that note, bye!

SWAMP: Superly Wild Abnormally Mutated Papers

Greetings and salutations, people who were surfing the web and randomly discovered this blog! As you may have guessed from the title of this post, I have created an acronym for The Swamp: Superly Wild Abnormally Mutated Papers. As I hope you recall, The Swamp is the massive, evil, soulless being that lives in the recesses of my three-ring binder. It is made up of all my past school assignments.

Most of my friends have already started creating their own Swamps (but I'm not letting them use the acronym, that's MINE!!!). My teachers are at a loss as to why we feel the need to create incredible messes at any chance we get. So are we, but that doesn't stop us from making more Swamps.

Oh, and click HERE to see Obama at the White House correspondent's dinner... it's insanely funny, and he pokes fun at the Republicans (SO IT MUST BE GOOD!!!)

Wow, this was a short blog. Bye!