Zoology 101

Snerkerksherka. Hi! We went to the SF zoo the other day, and I saw some pretty weird things, such as the animal called the 'dik-dik', a gazelle drinking his/her own you-know-what, a grizzly bear fight, and a gorilla making that farting sound with his armpit. But the most despicable attribute of the day were the people.

I've said it before. People are big fat idiots to be distrusted and loathed (okay, maybe I didn't say it THAT vividly, but you get the idea). The STUPID IDIOTS at the zoo were no better. At the tiger pen, some idiot kid asked 'Why are da tigers in dee cage'? The mom said 'So they don't get out and eat people'. Seriously, lady. The only reason anyone was ever attacked by a tiger at that zoo was because they had too many tequila shots and were suffering from a severe case of stupid. And, of course, everyone took it out on the poor tiger. That ^&%&^% teenager was a &%&^% moron.

At the cassowary pen, some kid said 'Oh. It's just a big chicken'. At the cafe inside the zoo, some $#!%headed kid was screaming 'GET THE SEAGULLS AWAY FROM ME! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I weep for his offspring (and the seagulls he and his friend chased). At the lemur exhibit, they said 'Look at the monkeys!' At the monkey exhibit, they said 'Look at the gorillas!' They said the flamingos were ugly and had only one leg (they stand on one leg when they sleep; captain bonehead next to me obviously hadn't gotten the memo). At the baby-ish train, they said 'OOOH! A choo-choo!!!' They yelled and growled at the lions! They tried to hit the penguins! They ACTED LIKE THE TOTAL IDIOT MORONS THAT ARE THE HUMAN RACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I WAS RIGHT IN THE F-ING MIDDLE OF IT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHH!!!

THAT was today's TOPIC OF INTEREST. SCREW THEM! Bye.

BUSH WARS---- THE REPUBLICANS STRIKE OUT

Hi, everyone (and don't pardon Dick Cheney)!!!!! My blog subject today is, as you may have guessed by now, George Bush- BUT- first, I want you to do something.

Type the following word- Izzerpizzerplumberdizzer- into a google search. It should come up with my blog as the first thingamajig.

NOW- on to Bushie.

Bush is today's TOPIC OF INTEREST , and another part in my GOP= IDIOTS series, after Cheney (is a bag 'o ^*&^&%^&) and Half-Baked Alaska. My other blog, which consists of a video of Obama and Nute Gunray getting *^*&^-ed off at each other, was purely random.

Bush went in as the 'Hero who will deliver us from Al-Qaeda'. He went OUT as the 'Total idiot moron who royally screwed things up'. Much like Cheney, he can now do absolutely nothing to change that image. Unless he leads a secret assassin squad consisting of Spock, Yoda, and Kit Fisto into Afghanistan to kill Bin Laden and succeeds.

He and Cheney decided to keep some LITTLE C.I.A. secrets from everyone and their mother, including Cheney's secret CIA assassin team and the secrets of Gitmo's torturing facilities. If those two idiots thought 'Oh, it's not important enough to inform congress about', then they were HECKA wrong. Both now face quite a few lawsuits.

I love a happy ending. Bush is officially the biggest stupid idiot the planet has ever seen. Besides Palin.

Obama VS Gunray

ALERT: THE VIDEO THAT USED TO BE HERE WAS DELETED DUE TO THE FOLLOWING REASONS:

A) IT IS VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY BAD.

B) I HATE THE WAY MY VOICE SOUNDS ON TAPE.

IF YOU HAD TO SEE THIS VIDEO, I PITY YOU. THAT IS ALL.

Half-Baked Alaska

Hi, people! Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Sarah Palin (is evil). In fact, I think her last name should be officially changed to 'is evil'. So that way, someone would say 'Hi, Sarah is Evil!!'

The only reason McCain picked Palin as his running mate was to have that 'History Making' edge to his campaign. However, he would have done better with Imelda Marcos (who, if you don't know, is dead), because SHE is (or was) not Miss Half-Baked Alaska.

Palin has become totally addicted to the media spotlight that the McCain Campaign put her in, and just to get back in it, she quit being governor of Alaska, saying 'It would be REALLY

quitting if I STAYED as governor'.

Now. I can KIND OF see her reasoning. I mean, who WANTS to be governor of Alaska???

Certainly not the guy who's taking over, who said he is 'reluctantly accepting the post as governor of Alaska'. For a full list of Palin scandals, go to my blog-- Random Junk--- Cool!!! on July 27, 2009.

But the thing is is that----------- NOTHING THE G.O.P. IS DOING NOW MAKES ANY SENSE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sarah Palin resigning! Mark Sanford continuing to read entries from his Argentina travel diary! Pretty soon, George Bush and Dan Quayle will team up with 75,000 Elvis clones and lead an assault on Bolivia while Dick Cheney replaces his gun's barrel with a rolled-up photo of him shooting his pal!!!! THEY'RE BEZERK! AAAAAAAAAAAIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Details as events warrent.

Dick Cheney (is a bag 'o %&^%&)

1001011010010100100111100101010111010010010010101001010101010100101010101010... &*^*&%^(* it, I forgot to take off the 'binary' setting. Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is Dick Cheney (as you may have guessed). Dick may be the most despicable, detestable, disgusting, dreadful man on earth. He is a TOTAL piece of *(*&. Not only did he not win either election, he also kept CIA secrets, used Bush as his international puppet, and, in the last few years of his term, shot his friend in the patookus. He's the worst VP we've ever had (right up there with Quayle, who couldn't spell the word 'potato'). I have the distinct feeling that he is the most hated man in America now, and he really can't do anything to improve that image.

Join me tomorrow when I do the next addition in my GOP = IDIOTS series. If any Republicans are reading this, please defect to the left, and I

will not order the CIA to waterboard your poodle.

Bye!!!!

The Ultimate Brain Tickler Cheat Code

Yo, people follower persons! I'm gonna give the brain tickler's answer now, so highlight the following blank space to reveal the invisible ink: Farrah (Fawcett)I think I'll give a complete brain tickler summary; all the answers to all the brain ticklers. Here it goes:

May 12, 2009: Mixed Metaphor

May 17, 2009: The Letter E

May 26, 2009: A Color Spectrum

May 27, 2009: Overalls

June 16, 2009: Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Armenia, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania, Moldova, United Arab Emirates, Eritrea, Burkina Faso, Cote D'ivore, Equatorial Guinea, South Africa, Lesotho, Andorra, Singapore, The Vatican, San Marino, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Vojvodina, Serbia, Macedonia, Dominica, Antigua, St. Vincent, Seychelles, Maldives, Mauritius, Solomon Islands, Czech, Slovakia, Vanuatu, Kiribati, Micronesia, Marshall Islands, Tonga, Samoa, Brunei, Montenegro, and East Timor

June 27, 2009: It's in the middle of it all

July 15, 2009: Biden argues against Obama plan

That's my brain tickler answer funfest.

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is.... Subliminal messages. As far as I understand, at night, you can sneak up to a sleeping person and whisper subliminal commands in their ear--- and they will obey you. Totally bogus?

No. The world is full of little purple piggies.

It works BEAUTIFULLY. I, for example, really wanted a Star Wars action figure called Oppo Rancisis. I whispered in my mom's ear last night: Buy Graham Oppo Rancisis. He is your favorite character. You want Graham to have him.

The very next morning, I discovered mom had emailed someone with an Oppo Rancisis action figure. She bought if for $20.

I feel evil.

Bye!!

The Headline Contest Answer... drumroll, please.

I'll just get it over with now: the headline contest's answer is 'Biden argues against Obama plan'. Not 'Three legged sheep scoots on new wheels'. Not 'Where is Jackson's brain? Was nose fake?' Not '50,000 bees check in to luxury hotel'. Amazingly enough, it was the least suspectable.

The TOPIC OF INTEREST for today is.................. Forts!!!! Recently, I built a fort out of those grey foam mats they sell in Home Depot. My cat decided to remodel it by jumping on top (destroying it in the process) and so I rebuilt it. The upgraded version has titanium-lithimite rebar coating, a hot tub, cable TV, and an on-line computer.

In my dreams. Kim Jong Il is a ninny.

No, instead it has a lantern (for reading at night) a map of the world and of the US, a special book library, and a copy of the pamphlet 'How to stay Liberal in a Conservative America: Your guide to the Bush years'. It's really informative!!!

I also have begun my book; 'How to stop really fast on the freeway: Your guide to insurance fraud'. I'm writing it as the sequel to 'How to go at it like Tom Dashall: Your guide to cheating the tax codes. Coming soon!

The new brain tickler is: Go through all previous blogs and highlight blank spaces! If you find any random letters, write them on a piece of paper. Mix 'em around and find the first name of a famous person who recently died.

Bye.

North Korea's got the bomb and we're all gonna die!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!RR

The Headline Contest Follow-Up

Helloooooooooooooooooooooo, everyone!!!! I'm gonna give some CNN headline answers in invisible ink. The following headlines are NOT fake: 50,000 bees check in to luxury hotel. Anderson Cooper invites Obama in castle. Bottoms up for mass mooning. Driver killed in Grand Canyon plunge. And finally, Day care plans to sue swim club. There you go. All those were REAL. The most ludicrous ones are probably Texting teen falls into manhole or Where is Jackson's brain? Was nose fake? (space aliens took the brain, anyone's guess as to the nose). Also, one of the following IS actually a headline. This is just for fun; it's not a brain tickler. Here you go:

New Zealand police report George Lucas dead

Whack-a-Kitty video sends Animal Rights reeling

Star Trek convention sells real-life tribbles

New Zealand police report Mitt Romney dead

Anaconda long as bus discovered; new species

New Zealand police report Burt Reynolds dead

Three people commit suicide, claim stock market 'drove them to it'

New Zealand police report Jeff Goldblum dead This one's real!!!!

Mexican market roof collapses, kills 63

New Zealand police report Brad Pitt dead

Imelda Marcos' gravestone found defiled

New Zealand police report Gary Larson dead

It'll be really easy if you watch Stephan Colbert...

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is my new word--- borageous. It's simply another definition for 'stupid idiot', such as @$$hole, buttface, buffoon, baboon, bungler, buttcheek, butt&%&% clown, chump, cretin, crudbrain, dork, dolt, dorkus, dweeb, dingbat, fannie face, fathead, fartface, gunkbrain, geek, hairy ape, idiot, jerk, kick-target, lunk, lump, moron, ninny, octopusface, peabrain, quack, rumpface, rash, simp, stinker, schlep, squidlips, turd, upchucker, vunkleshtien (who knows? Who cares?), wuss, wimp, wino, warthog, walrus, ximulki (see 'vunkleshtien'), yakface, yambrain, yutz, zipperneck (frankenstien)...........

Joe Biden is pulling our legs--- he's a Venusian from Venus!!!

Sorry, heh. I got a LITTLE carried away there. anyway, borageous is the new perfect insult word (next to rassa-frackin'). Bye! A

The CNN headline contest

Hi, everyone! I have the new brain tickler, and, consequentially, the new TOPIC OF INTEREST.

Here goes:

My brain tickler is: Try and find the ONE headline here that's fake. It is near-impossible.

Where is Jackson’s brain? was nose fake?

Man sorry kin made boy, 6, work

50,000 bees check in to luxury hotel

Texting teen falls into manhole

Months after spill, town still choking on ash

Anderson Cooper invites Obama in castle

New speculation about ‘Jon & Date’

Bottoms up for mass mooning

Visitors get clear view down from 103 stories up

3-legged sheep scoots on new wheels

Best small towns in US

Is there life after a sex scandal?

Dog found 1800 miles from home Calvin and Hobbes is the best comic strip.

Obama’s telepromter crashes to floor

Robot paints tweets on tour de france route

Biden argues against Obama plan

Driver killed in Grand Canyon plunge

15 foot shark washes ashore in NY

Eternal moonwalk website honers Jackson

GOP rep: a prescription for pain

911 call launched yearlong Caylee drama

Bacon-flavored ice cream is a winner

Jet crash kills 168, creates huge crater

Cell phone video shows hole in jet ceiling

Day care plans to sue swim club Here's a headline for ya: Letterman held hostage in Brunei!

How to skateboard like a pro

Almost not possible, huh??????

Books books books we got books books books

HI. MY CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS STUCK. THE TITLE WASN'T AFFECTED SOMEHOW. I HAVE A BUNCH OF BOOK SERIES TO RECOMMEND, PLUS PICS. HERE IT IS.

THE FIRST TWO OVER ARE 'BONE', A SERIES OF GRAPHIC NOVELS BY JEFF SMITH. THEY ARE THE GREATEST 'COMIC' EVER

THE NEXT IS WARRIORS, BY ERIN HUNTER. AS THE TITLE SUGGESTS, IT IS ABOUT CATS, THE PLANET'S GREATEST SPECIES. DOGS SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINALLY, PENDRAGON. IF I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE STORYLINE, YOU WOULD NOT BE VERY HAPPY, so there you go. Hey! I fixed it!!! Phoney Bone is the coolest

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST is headlines. Today's CNN headlines were:

Man barks at bear in home

Ladybug swarm covers tree, house

Lady finds fawn in garden; beats with shovel Eeek.

Looking 103 floors straight down

Do I really need to say how dumb that is? I hope not.

G-force

I'm in a reeeeeeeal stinking mood, 'cause the new movie, G-force, is about to come out. That stupid bunch of &^%&%&% hollywood ^*&^ is obviously reading my blog! I'll sue for muuuch more than they're worth! Plus, when I was seven, I made up an alien squad called Go-Force! But get this: the new movie's about hamsters. Here's some photos.

There is no way on Earth, or at least in the english language, to say how mad I am right now. THAT'S today's TOPIC OF INTEREST. Goodbye.
P.S.--- I just published this blog and it got messed up because of the pics.

Rush Hour

I got in my car in the early morning,

Heading for the freeway in perfect timing.

I had enough time to get off to work

But I came across one tiny quirk.

I had not counted on traffic today

The radio said my drive would be okay.

I shouldn't have listened, but sure as heck did

And so I got caught in an hour's traffic. F

Trapped in my mini convertible car

I wished I was away very far

I hoped and I prayed to clear a path

But I guess that God was taking a bath.

The road was all jammed. I was in a mess.

So I totally did my very best

To do everything I could in my power

But I could not counter the evil RUSH HOUR.

I FEEL YOUR PAIN, MAN!!!

You have just gotten an excerpt from my poem, Rush Hour. Not much of a blog today, but highlight the following blank space to get the answer to the brain tickler: It's in the middle of it all.

I did, by the way, write the now-published poem 'I Am Winter' (Who knows why I wrote about that). By the way, Rush Hour is copyrighted. Here's part two:

Into my building, so late I arrived

That I could easily (rightly) derive

That my boss wouldn't be very happy

With my poor show of punctuality.

For 15 minutes, he yelled and he screamed

Using a workbook, my head he beaned

I couldn't wait to get out the door

But I had to work, 'cause I was quite poor.

For a complete nine hours of terror

I watched as the market turned from 'bull' to 'bear'

Quickly was I losing my cash

So I decided to make a quick dash.

I called up my brother, said I had left work

Expectedly, he was kinda irked

I explained I'd been late, his voice, it turned sour

So I then told him about the RUSH HOUR.

The last part, part three, I will include soon

So until then, in you must tune

Republicans will drive me 'round the bend

So goodbye, please have a fantastic weekend.

Attack of the Clowns

Yo, peoples! I just finished my eighth comic book that I've written. Here they are in order:

Squad Nine

The Yard Turds

Let Me In To Bleeping Heaven

Revenge of the Nerds

Lawrence of Siberia

Stupid For Dumies (yes, I meant to spell it that way)

The Amazing Exploits of Nacho Man (and Taco Boy)

Luau Ho!

Also, my ninth will be Rush Hour. A

Today's TOPIC OF INTEREST will be Sarah Palin. No physical force on Earth can possibly explain or describe the utmost damage she's done to her image by resigning. I must say, I thoroughly detest her. People apparently say that us men say stuff like that 'cause she's a woman. However, that is far from true. It's because she is totally rassa-frackin' stupid. She has become so addicted to the press spotlight that she actually resigned to get into the press sight again. McCain's campaign really did that, and now she can't stand not being ga-gaad over.

I was just looking at the comments on the CNN live Michael Jackson funeral site. Some comments are from Malaysia, Finland, the Philippines, Tokyo, Hong Kong, Jamaica, Ontario, Vietnam, DC, Ohio, Texas, Wisconsin, Florida, Philadelphia, New York, Singapore, Georgia, Michigan, Baltimore, New Jersey, Arkansas, South Carolina, Mississippi, Sweden, Ireland, The UK, Detroit, Puerto Rico, Antigua, Trinidad, Nashville, Orlando, Indianapolis, Kansas City (the one in Florida), Wales, Albany, Fresno, St. Louis, Miami, Omaha, Des Moines, Augusta, The US Virgin Islands, and weirdest of all, Silicone Valley, CA. Like, y'know? (There was also a comment that asked ' Who is Michael Jackson?' OOPS.

See ya later!

Bubbles the Chimp--- :o wow.

Alright, everyone. To make up for my not blogging for the past week, I'm going to blog again today. I think that everyone has officially gone too far with Michael Jackson's death. There's a video on YouTube: 'Matt Lauer shows us nothing at Neverland'. He explores the ranch, telling us where everything was, while gesturing at the peeling wallpaper. Everything is pretty much gone in the ranch, but he still found it important to tell us where all the 'folded items' were in his closet (and I quote). H

Also, Anderson Cooper of (yes, they've done it again) CNN decided to send someone to track down Bubbles the chimp, Michael Jackson's pet in a YouTube video called 'CNN tracks down Michael Jackson's Bubbles the Chimp in Florida'. The guy spent the interview discovering that Bubbles likes cucumbers and bananas for lunch and also enjoys making faces. He also found out what Bubbles might have done if Jackson had come to visit him, such as moonwalking.

*^*^. Wow. This was possibly the lowest CNN has ever sunk.

What a piece of &%^$ sham. I think this should pretty much qualify as today's TOPIC OF INTEREST. CNN has sunk soooooooooooooooooo low.

Goodbye, and try getting your daily news from Jon Stewart.

The Run-On Sentence Blog...

IT'S ALMOST THE FREAKIN' FOURTH OF JULY; AND

I'M GETTING REALLY TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT

FAMOUS PEOPLE KICKING THE BUCKET 'CAUSE NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT HOW FARRAH FAWCETT OR MICHAEL JACKSON OR SO AND SO DIED, SINCE WE'VE BEEN HEARING ABOUT IT FOR ALMOST A WEEK NOW AND NOBODY REALLY CARES ANYMORE 'CAUSE WE'VE ALREADY WEPT AND THROWN FLOWERS AND IT'S GETTING ON MY **&&^*&^)* NERVES BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUSLY A CNN TACTIC TO GET MORE STORIES EVEN THOUGH NONE ARE PRESENTING THEMSELVES AND NOBODY REALLY CARES ANYMORE SINCE THERE'S NOT A PERSON ON EARTH WHO COULDN'T NOW SAY 'OH YES, THE MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD, YES, THIS I KNOW' WHO IS OVER THE AGE OF FIVE AND HAS A FULLY FUNCTIONING FIVE SENSES ARRAY, SO WHAT I'M REALLY SAYING IS THAT 'CALVIN' FROM CALVIN AND HOBBES COULD NO DOUBT TELL US WHERE HE WAS THE FIRST TWELVE TIMES HE HEARD CNN GIVE THE EXACT SAME REPORT, KNOWING FULL WELL, OF COURSE, THAT I HAVE NEGLECTED TO GIVE A TOPIC OF INTEREST TODAY BUT I'M ALMOST ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT THIS KIND OF A SMACK AT CNN IS GOOD ENOUGH; SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M SORRY THAT I'VE FORGOTTEN TO BLOG FOR FIVE DAYS STRAIGHT, BUT I'VE BEEN REAL BUSY AND I GOT TWO SHOTS IN MY LEFT ARM AND THEY HURT AND I COULDN'T TYPE VERY WELL, SO HERE'S THE PRODUCT A WEEK IN THE MAKING--- NOT MUCH TO LOOK AT, IS IT? SORRY ABOUT THE WHOLE RUN-ON SENTENCE THING, BUT I NEEDED A STORY AND HERE IT IS! OH, GAWD, I'M SO TIRED. I'M NEVER DOING THIS JOKE AGAIN.