This post is gonna have a LOT OF PICTURES, because I just went to the San Francisco car show for the 2012 model year, and it was EPIC! So I'm just going to give you the complete quick-shot overview of everything I saw, starting with the best car manufacturer of all time.
Vertco: Vertco 2012 is going to be epic. I got a look at the new Vertco Minotaur, the Stadium-8, and the Orb Republic. It's gonna be a good year.
Chevy: Chevy has introduced the new Sonic compact (replacing the Aveo), and it's a pretty sweet ride, but I wouldn't subject a long time in the backseat to anyone. The best Chevy there was, of course, the Camaro (my dream car), and there was even an 'American Pride' Camaro painted with all of American history. Very cool.
Cadillac: Caddy has made only one advancement in technology since the 70's--- their cars now look more geometric. Literally. Everything else is the same (including the gas milage, which is hovering around the 17 range).
Buick: I was actually kind of impressed with Buick this year, mainly because of the posh interiors. However, it's not going to ever become the luxury brand GM wants it to be.
GMC: BO-RING!
Ford: Ford has had an interesting technique the last few years--- they make the cars as fuel-efficient and ugly as they can. The new Mustang Boss is pretty Bossome, though.
Lincoln: With Mercury gone, Lincoln has become the forgotten brand. It seems to have just been ignored... okay, on to Chrysler!
Chrysler: With Fiat as a new owner, I was expecting something along the line of the infamous Chryslers of the past (aka pieces of s***), but I liked the new Sebring a LOT.
Dodge: Dodge has broken off into two pieces, Dodge and Ram, with Ram making the trucks and Dodge making the pwncars. I got inside an orange Challenger that kicked ASS. And note that all the Chrysler achievements come from a company that went bankrupt and was bought by a crappy Italian company with a track record of making cars that you could probably throw with one hand.
Jeep: Jeep is stickin' to the formula that seems to have worked so far: making the only passenger vehicles on the planet that can remove their roof, doors, and windshield when duty calls. Pretty parkour.
Toyota: **** Toyota. It's a s*** company. It's full of a******* who d*** around all day making ****ing pieces of ****ing s***... okay, Toyota makes cars that crash. They are so bland you can actually kill brain cells by being in one of their cars. End of discussion.
Lexus: See above.
Scion: Originally, the IQ was a Toyota model, which I saw in Europe. But for the US, they've turned it into the Scion IQ, which... hey... this is a Toyota brand. See above above.
Kia: I got in one and couldn't get out. Kia makes safe, fuel-efficient, cool-looking cars. It is a great company. Kia's cars are made out of solid gold. They have wings and run on the power of dreams. And they have fuel injectors bestowed unto us by God himself. Also, Kia likes Red Bull.
Hyundai: Never figured out how to pronounce the name 'Hyundai'. I avoided their display to avoid exposing this.
Honda: Honda is a snoresville company. They're like Toyota, but without the raw power.
Acura: Honda with cushy seats and a slanted logo.
BMW: BMW is one of the most epic car companies ever. My only beef with them is that they have too many freaking cars! There's the convertibles (which is about 17 models) the hatchbacks, the SUVs... it's ridonkulous. But hey, whatever--- BMW is one of the greatest luxury car manufacturers of all time.
VW: The attempt to create a new Beetle that is both fuel-efficient and manly has been a complete waste of time. In my opinion, if VW wants to make the Bug more macho, they need to do this:
Audi: The infamous company that stole their logo from the creators of the Slinky have done it again with the new Audi R8, which may actually cause you to have a coronary when you look at it, it's just that awesome. If you are in the market for one (and have $200,000 to spare on you), I highly recommend the red one. It will blow your mind.
Jaguar: Jag has changed so much in the past few years that even my dad (who knows his cars) couldn't tell what they were. Jag has upped its game. Kudos.
Land Rover: Normally I wouldn't give a flying fig about Land Rover, but their new Defender concepts were fantastic. I can't wait to see one on the road. But the Range Rovers, as usual, were boring and a complete re-hash of last year.
Nissan: Oh. My. God. Nissan is so freaking bad. They have made the three ugliest cars of all time: The 2012 Nissan Quest, the 2012 Juke, and the 2012 Murano. The Leaf is no better. It is just trying to steal the Chevy Volt's thunder as it emerges as one of the greatest cars ever made. Screw you, Nissan. Screw you.
Infiniti: Okay, okay, you called my bluff. There is no company called Infiniti. Which makes sense. I mean, who would name their company 'Infiniti'? It's stupid! But if Infiniti existed, it would be, let's say, a subsidiary of Nissan that makes boring, ugly Acura rip-offs. Hypothetically.
Mazda: I hated everything but the new Miata roadster. It is epic. And as I said, all other Mazdas are a waste of time.
Subaru: I paid no attention to Subaru, as the company goes against my religion. My religion, as you may have guessed, is good fuel economy.
Mitsubishi: There only to promote the new Mitsubishi I, the reps from this tiny Japanese company brought a few other cars along for the ride. I was unimpressed, but hey, this could be Mitsubishi's big chance to prove itself and shake off the bad rap set by all the other cars they've made so far.
Volvo: I was sad to see that the S40 wasn't there, seeing as I own one. But all the others were very nice. Volvo is slowly becoming a more luxurious company. Figures it starts right after we buy one.
Mini: Really? Mini is STILL around?
And now we get into the EPIC cars:
Ferrari: The new Italia was there, along with 11 other Ferraris from the collection of the Ferrari Club of America. Ferraris are boss. They blow almost all other supercar manufacturers out of the water (that means you, Maserati).
Porsche: Totally ninja. Porsche has one of the greatest lineups in the history of cars. If only they could make them less expensive.
Aston Martin: Not my favorite company, but even then I was impressed. The Rapide is fantastic, and the cars look like something out of Star Wars.
Rolls-Royce: Actually, this year, Rolls was crap. They made, like, a luxury Hummer the size of the Pentagon. It's ridiculous. Not good. Not good at all.
Lotus: Lotus is good at only one thing: making roadsters. They shouldn't even try to do anything else. That's like... Saab trying to make a minivan.
Riiight...
Bentley: Bentley is not built for performance, it is built for relaxing. Therefore, I am not a fan of Bentley.
Lamborghini: You have no IDEA HOW COOL LAMBORGHINIS ARE!!! AAAARGH THEY'RE JUST SO AWESOME....
Fisker: The first Fisker I ever saw! Very intense, and it's amazing that a car as cool as that can be fully electric. Unbelievable.
Mclaren: And the first Mclaren I ever saw as well! The thing looks like a Delorean crossed with a Lamborghini. It's freaking intense.
Sot there you have it: THE 2012 G-FORCE COVERAGE OF THE SAN FRANCISCO CAR SHOW (SPONSORED BY RED BULL). The companies that weren't there (and are therefore forever on my s*** list): Mercedes, Suzuki, Saab, Coda, and... sniffle... Pontiac... I miss... Pontiac... so much...
AAAAUGH, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THEY WERE GONNA HAVE A NEW SOLSTICE AND A NEW VIBE AND A NEW G6... noooooo....
Bring back Pontiac! Bring back Pontiac! BRING BACK PONTIAC!
Bye!
<<< The 2012 Vertco Monument.
