Staycation

Yello, and Snookachalla. I haven't blogged for way too long, and it looks like February is going to be one of those months where I only do, like, three or four blogs. So, here's the list of reasons why I didn't blog:

Friday: The last day of school for a week. I was so excited, I couldn't blog.

Saturday: My friend came over and we had a massive sleepover/hike.

Sunday: He stayed until 4:30 and watched a 'Jurassic Park' marathon: Numbers One, Two, and Three.

Monday: We went up to my Aunt's house in Lake County.

Tuesday: We came back and I was exhausted from feeding goats, petting cats, and freaking out chickens (accidentally!)

Other amazing things: I bought a copy of Stephan Colbert's book, I AM AMERICA (And So Can You!), I crowned myself master of Winter Break with a hat given to me by my aforementioned Aunt, and my cat went bezerk. Plus, in about 40 minutes, I'm going to go get my passport. I've never had one before because I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF EITHER CALIFORNIA, ARIZONA, OR NEVADA!!! AND I'M GOING INSANE!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anyway, this means today's blog needs to be short.

Everyone, I have a new feature. You see, nearly every state has a famous city. Like San Fransisco for the Golden Gate Bridge, Las Vegas for the casinos, New York City for its city-ness, and Providence, Rhode Island because it's the only city that could fit in Rhode Island. Which is why I'm introducing BETTER KNOW SAN ANSELMO (the town that I live in). Every time I use this, I'll include a picture of a well-known place here in crazy land. I mean, San Anselmo. Here's today's.

This is downtown crazy land (San Anselmo). Behind those buildings on the right is a street that breaks off from The Hub. The Hub is where Drake Boulevard meets with about nine million other streets, and if you want to go anywhere east of San Anselmo, you have to drive through The Hub. The street shown here in downtown crazy land eventually curves over the San Anselmo creek (the one that flooded), goes past some run-down little grocery store called Albertson's, and crosses Drake at The Hub. Down the main street in downtown crazy land, there's a bookstore, a coffee place, a bakery where George Lucas likes to hang out (no joke), and another bakery called 'Royal Sweet'. They have godly donuts.

Well, that's about it. Join me next time when we talk about... THE LUCAS MANSION!!! Cue 'Darth Vader' music.

Bye!

The Fate of the Union

AIIIIDSAKKKON!!! Hello, people who stumbled across this blog randomly! I haven't blogged for way too long (five days), so today's blog needs to be long-ish.

Let's begin with the thing that everyone has been raving about lately. The thing on everyone's minds. That wonderful show, hosted by incredibly famous people in power, which is only on once a year. Wait... am I talking about the Super Bowl or the State of the Union?

My personal bet with my dad on the Super Bowl's outcome ended up winning me six bucks. YEAH! First, I bet that the Colts would beat the Jets and make it to the Super Bowl. That got me a buck. Then we bet on Colts VS Saints and, even though I wanted the Colts to win, I bet on the Saints. Sorry, Peyton Manning. Just not your year.

But it's never really the Super Bowl that anyone watches anymore. It's the ads. I hear this year they actually sold Cheetos® some ad space on the football itself. This year, however, Doritos® won the ULTIMATE SUPER BOWL AD OLYMPICS with its latest ad. I can't really describe it to you. Let's just say it involved some idiots, some dude named Tim, and an alternate use for Doritos®: Ninja Stars.

Of course, after my long Super Bowl coverage I just had, which ate up two whole paragraphs, it's time for something much more boring. The State of the Union. And it's the subject of tonight's TOPIC OF INTEREST.

It's been a whole two weeks since Obama's historic S.O.T.U. (State of the Union), and that's been just enough time for the rabid conservatives here at G-Force to prepare their rebuttal. Hopefully it will not be given by Bobby Jindal. Here we go with...

AN OLD MAN RANT FROM BOB '5-SHOT' SELKOWITZ. The following is not typed or produced by any liberal at G-force. The editor and writer would like to sincerely apologize for the upcoming idiotic Republican rant.

In MY day, a State of the Union would be given by an intelligent, fair person who always agreed with the Republicans. This person, as you may have guessed, was Ronald Reagan. Now, unfortunately, we can't get an angel to pop out of the computer monitor when you read His name. His sons, however, are split over the tea party movement. His son Michael believes that Ronny would completely agree with the tea party movement, aka THE GREATEST CAUSE ALIVE. On the other hand, his son Ronald thinks that the great Reagan would think that Sarah Palin is the epitome of stupidity. How dare he! Doesn't he realize the immense weight he carries? If we can't count on Ron Reagan's kids to be Republicans, then the GOP is DOOMED!

Thank you, 5-Shot. That was... informative. But on to the real State of the Union that our very own Kenyan Muslim Socialist President gave... AAAAGH! He's got me doing it, too!

So, what did everyone think of this massively important speech? Well, I think it embarrassed John Boehner, seeing that by the end of it, he had turned a shade of orange that is only found on the belly of certain newts. But, since the Right was so secretive about their feelings on the speech, from when they didn't applaud to when they stayed stuck to their seats for so long I thought they had sat in gum, we may never know.

Bye!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Evil Eye for the Queer Guy

Hello, and Yashooba. Now, first off, I want to talk about the thing that's been on everyone's mind for quite some time, and that's Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I've long said that gays and lesbians should get equal rights to marry and serve in the army. Of course, I'm not gay. NOT THAT THERE'D BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! So, anyway, congress looks like it's going to keep Don't Ask, Don't Tell around a little longer. Nearly every Republican congressman agrees on this, proving beyond a shadow of doubt that our little Right friends have gotten a little asleep at the wheel. Isn't that right, John McCain?

"If someone comes to me with a bill that says to allow gays and lesbians to serve in the military, I will vote for that bill." -John McCain, 2006

"I don't think now is the time to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell." -John McCain, 2010

Yeah. There you go.

Next up is today's TOPIC OF INTEREST, and that's Tim Geithner. Tim is one of the few Democrats that I completely detest. To quote a recent-ish issue of The Week:

"Conservatives and Liberals rarely see eye to eye, but when it comes to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, they completely agree: they want him out of there."

Timmy is no better than his predecessor, Henry Paulson. But, I don't want to get to worked up over this, so here's my very mild propaganda:

GET THIS GUY!!!!!

Aaaaaahhh, I feel better already.

Everyone, it's been nearly a whole week since I asked the US government to give me a bailout. Let's check the official Cash Counter® and see how much dough I've accumulated.

The total comes to: $2.43!!!!! Whooooooooooooo!!!!! Yesssss! Break out the confetti, everyone, it's par-tay time! Spend rapidly! Woooo! Yeah!

Wait... that was just my allowance and the 43 cents I found on the ground.

Oh.

Well, forget it. I'm sure I'll get some more dough soon enough...

Bye!!!