GALAXY

This is the GALAXY team. From left to right, Zale, Eeto Beela, Short Round, Flora Rakata, Joe Republic, 5-Shot, Leekar Nikkolonian, Dr. Legs, Daemos Lee, and Relmi Nyme.

Wow, the computer didn't recognize the spelling on half of those. Can't blame it, either. Click on the photo to enlarge it if you want.

Bye!

Randumb

My friend Ben has something we like to call 'Evil Twisted Ben-o Logic'. He can use this to warp any social situation to his favor. Like, when he says that I didn't make up 'Sayonara, Capybara', he means that obviously somewhere, someone else must have thought that up. Of course, that's true, but that's like saying 'George Lucas didn't make up the word 'Jedi' because sometime before him, there must have been a mention of the word Jedi as a name for some remote African tribe or something'. True, yes, but that doesn't mean he ripped them off. Hence the term 'Evil Twisted Ben-o Logic'.

Time for the unveiling of a new Vertco off-brand! The Orb Motor Corporation is here! And now for the first Orb vehicles off the rack!

First, the Orb Proxy AE!

Then, the Orb Republic!

And finally, the Orb Samurai Roadster!

These cars will change Vertco forever. They are safe, cool, and affordable. And, if I may, they kick the ass of any other car in their class in production right now. Thank you very much.

Bye!

Keith Olbermaniac

'Sup, people. As you may have guessed from the title of this blog, this is about Keith Olbermann, who, as I've said before, merits no more credibility in my book than Glenn Beck. Egotistical, self-centered left-wing oatmeal-brains are no better than egotistical, self-centered right-wing oatmeal-brains.

Olbermann left MSNBC the other day, leaving a space open for a left-wing pundit with gray hair, a thesaurus in his brain, and a different pair of glasses for each day of the year. How will we survive without a 'special comment' on occasion or 'The Worst Person in the World'? By the way, The Worst Person in the World® is Jonathan Orville of Pekos, Tennessee. He knows what he did.

Changing the subject, we have some really colorful people at my school. Our band teacher recently told us a story of how he made friends with a crazy guy with a machete while he was working as a night watchman at a college campus. He also was apparently involved in a shoot-out involving a bounty hunter and a bulletproof vest. That happened to me once, too!

Here's another pic of resident idiot Leekar Nikkolonian:

Okay, granted, it's on my hand. If you look closely, you'll see an atom bomb and the images of some other characters of mine! Joe Republic is located in between my middle and forefingers, his brother 5-Shot is right next to the word 'Leekar', Dr. Legs is at the very top, and Flora is half-obscured, but just under 5-Shot and Leekar.

I'll try to upload full-color pics of all my characters soon. Sayonara, capybara!

The Fate of The Union

I listened to Barry O's speech last night, which was his second SOTU (State of the Union. Try to keep up with the acronyms). Amazingly enough, both Democrats and Republicans actually INTERMINGLED and sat next to each other, much like the boy-girl-boy seating arrangements in San Anselmo Kindergartens. They didn't rig each other's seats with enormous whoopee cushions, they refrained from wearing nose clips, and were able to shut their pie holes and not yell 'You Lie' this time! I'm so proud of them! Joe Wilson is a douche!

In other Obama-related news, some guy has published a book called 'O' under an anonymous name. In it, he depicts a fictional 2012 election between presidential candidates in which the parallels to Obama are staggeringly familiar. Somehow, he was able to get away with never mentioning Barry O by name, but everyone pretty much got the idea.

Now, because no one knows who did this, I can easily guess who was responsible. Think for a second. The writing was awful, it didn't show Obama's namesake in a very good light, and it seems to be a pretty conniving and despicable thing to do.

Which means it was Glenn Beck. DUUH. But no one will listen to me. In fact, even I have been accused of writing this. However, the Vertco Publishing Corporation LTD is only responsible for publishing 'Leon Meowy', the story of a small persian cat who's always getting his owner into crazy misadventures. Oh, and we also published 'War and Peace'.

Here's a pic of the book 'O'.

If I had done this, I would have been MUCH more creative with the cover. Or maybe that was just to throw you off the trail... you'll never know!!!

Also, you may have noticed that I am on a first name basis with the president, or as I call him, Barry O. This is because I attended his beer summit (where I, being 13, drank club soda), and later his slurpee summit. No word yet on his moonshine summit or his cranberry juice summit, but I appreciate all the publicity. I only started that internet rumor in my spare time! I had no idea it would be picked up by MSNBC!

On that note, Sayonara, Capybara!

Who Killed The Wind-Powered Car?

'Sup, people who need a more fuel efficient car! I just saw the documentary "Who Killed the Electric Car" in science class, and it even further convinced me that Vertco needs some more fuel-efficient cars. Apparently, GM marketed a car called the Saturn EV, which was all-electric. The oil companies, however, put enormous pressure on GM and the other automakers to withdraw the cars from production. So eventually, GM had to repossess all the EVs, along with all of the Th!nk electric vehicles marketed by Ford, and the Toyota Rav-4 electric. It's unbelievable that something like that could happen. So now I'm worried that they'll target Vertco next.

As you may or may not recall, Vertco has a massive amount of AE cars. There's the Vertco Miubi, the Vertco Eruption, the Vertco Geode, the Vertco Skid, and the Vertco Wind. Here's some pics:

From top to bottom: Vertco Miubi, Vertco Skid, Vertco Incoming, and Vertco Eruption.

Anyway, that's why I'm investing my entire life's savings of $16.35 in the Vertco Electric Car Program, or VECP. I wish that spelled something.

Orders for the Vertco electric cars are pouring in, so order yours today and you might have a chance of getting one in the next 22 years. BP, I'll see you in HELL!!!

Sayonara, Capybara!

Sayonara, Capybara

I have a friend whose name I just got permission to put on my blog. His name's Ben, and if I may say so, he's insane.

He started a blog just yesterday, and he's using it to rip my blog and such. He also mentioned Vertco. Fortunately for me, he has a company called Shmuffco, which, (unlike Vertco), has no business plan, no concept for what it sells, and a completely incompetent Vice President, whose name I can also mention.

His name is Luis. He's the friend I told you about before, the one who 'ran' for student council. You may now realize that his name completes the phrase, "Vote for Luis: He'll keep the peace." I am also refusing to add a link to his blog... yet. I'll wait until he can post something other than slanderous libel.

Also, he mentions on his blog a reference to my signature phrase, "Sayonara, Capybara". He says he made it up. This is because Ben will do anything and everything to drive me up the wall.

I have wonderful friends.

Sayonara, Capybara®tm©tm®.

Ich Bin Ein Zombie

I'm writing this blog from my friend's house, where we're having another sleepover. As you may have already guessed, this means that a CERTAIN person is being very flatulent. As you may remember from previous blogs, this means that the entire house has been turned into a gas chamber. That's why I've brought my gas mask.

Somehow he's immune to them. I don't know how. They smell like... like...

You know, I won't even TRY to describe them.

Right now we're all taking turns playing Nazi Zombies, but there's something that's much more important than that.

I finally won a game.

AND it was free-for-all. I don't know HOW I did it. Sometimes I'm so awesome, it scares even me.

Bye!

Bulls*** of the Year

Every year starting now, I've decided to start presenting the most incredibly crazy state of the year. Whichever state pumps out more BS wins my 'Bulls*** of the Year' award and undying fame. And for 2010, the winner, hands-down is...

South Carolina.

This state is incredible. Right from the get-go, It was doing all sorts of crazy s***. Even in 2009, it was a runner up. To refresh your memory, that was the year Joe Wilson yelled at Obama 'You LIE!' during a speech.

This year, It crushed the competition with Mark Sanford's hike to Argentina and the crazy guy who fooled around with a horse... twice. Runners-up for Bulls*** of the year are Arizona, with John McCain and their racist immigration policies, and Alaska for having Sarah Palin. That one speaks for itself.

So, who will it be this year? San Fransisco has banned Happy Meals. Arkansas just had thousands of birds fall from the sky. And Florida (which won in a landslide in 2000, by the way) has a crazy guy who has built a miniature city for almost a thousand cats.

Pure insanity.

Bye!

Poker Face

Here's a picture you might find a little interesting:

That's just about the greatest poker hand ever. Three aces, two queens, and two nines. I won $15 with that hand, but dad refuses to pay me. I'm sure he'll see things my way soon enough. The strange thing is, during the next hand, my friend got those exact same three aces and two sevens. That is a weird coincidence.

And here's a little video you might like:

I myself wrote that song and figured out the fingering on the piano. There's more to it, which I'll try to upload asap.

Bye!

2011: A Space Odyssey

2011 is here. Whoop-dee-freakin' doo. I stayed up watching Seinfeld episodes, so the new year really got off to a good start with a few words of wisdom from Cosmo Kramer.

Actually, that's not such a bad idea. I think Kramer would make a great president. Of course, at international meetings, he'd keep raiding foreign diplomat's refrigerators. That could spark an international incident. So maybe not.

I have been asked to upload a picture of my insane cat, P-nut, to this blog, so here he is!

Sure, he looks innocent enough in this picture, but he will slice your guts open if you just look at him. He is cruel and evil. I have a suspicion that he plans on subjecting the entire human race as his everlasting slave empire. He will kill you. End of story.

So, why not get on his good side? Send $50 to PO box 566783 along with a sample of your scent, and I will get P-nut to smell it! Once he has done this, he will recognize your scent during his purge of all human life and spare you, under the condition that you become his pet.

Sleep well tonight!

Bye!