A New Year

Well, it's a new year. I hope 2014 is better than 2013. I should explain: I've already given up on 2013. It's a s**tty year, and I hate it. Case in point-- I was at the mall today, and I went to the bathroom in REI. I walked out of the stall, and this odd-looking guy in khakis and a bad shirt was looking at me disapprovingly. He said "You really shouldn't use the handicapped stall. What if someone with a physical disability had to use it?"

Of course, the handicapped stall was the only one in the bathroom. So I told him "Hey, it's the only stall here, and I had to... y'know... drop a few Rebels in the 'ol Sarlacc Pit." He turned his nose up at me and walked out of the bathroom.

So, here's my question: Why do we tolerate stupid people? I mean, if someone takes up two parking spaces, do you just give up and allow them to proceed with their idiocy, or do you improvise a flyer advertising parking lessons and tuck it in their windshield wipers in a beautiful display of passive-aggressiveness? I don't know about you, but I choose B.


So, my new year's resolution is to stop tolerating dumb people. They really ruin your day if you run into them, and seeing how large a percentage they are of the population, it's almost statistically impossible NOT to see at least five per day. So YOUR job is to call them out on their stupidity.

And speaking of unspeakable stupidity... wait, that didn't sound right. Anyway, it's time for me to award my BULLS**T OF THE YEAR!!! As you recall, every year I award one of the 50 states the BS of the Year award for excellence in stupidity. In 2010 it was South Carolina, in 2011 it was Texas. And for 2012, it goes to... NORTH CAROLINA! Yeah, we've had both Carolinas in three years. But they deserved it.

North Carolina hosted the Democratic National Convention, but it was still the only swing state to vote for Mitt Romney. And that's all I need. Also, one of my sixteen mortal enemies was born in NC. So, North Carolina, I award you the BULLS**T OF THE YEAR AWARD!!! Treasure it forever, and immediately pawn it.

Bye!